Chapter 4 - Is this Death

Zelena.

“Zeleeeeena” Gunner said slowly with concern. But I couldn’t listen to him right now, I didn’t want to. The burning feeling was too much, my bones felt like they were breaking inside me. I threw myself to the ground, my body writhing in the dirt, trying desperately to ease the pain. My aching body shook and squirmed. If Gunner was still there, I couldn’t tell. I screamed out, begging for some kind of release from this torture. My body flung up from the ground until I was perched on my hands and knees. It felt like the ground under my hands were shaking, my whole body was on fire and the pain was excruciating. I tossed my head back, and a truly harrowing scream burst from my lungs. The sound pierced my ears and echoed through the forest in front of me, until it melted away to silence.

Everything stopped. The pain was gone, the burning was gone, the aching in my bones were gone. I was okay. I turned around to see if Gunner was still there. He was. He was standing with his hands up in front of him, slowly backing away from me. Cole and Smith were behind him. They all looked at me like I had grown a second head. I get it, they should be scared of me. They see me now for the head case that I am. The way I snapped like that and hit Demi, she’s right, I am a psycho.

I turned on my heels and ran off away from school and away from Gunner, and into the forest. Holy shit, I’m fast. I could never run this fast before, could I? I kept running and running, darting through the trees, bounding over boulders and logs. Where did this come from, this energy, this endurance? I love it! The wind brushing through my hair as I ran, the dirt under my feet. This feeling of freedom, it was amazing.

I skidded to a stop as I came upon a small stream. With the thought of cooling off in the water, I walked over to it. I sat down at the edge and peered into the water. I jerked back in fright, it wasn’t my reflection I saw, it was a wolf. I snapped my head around to see the wolf behind me but there was nothing there. I looked back at the stream and there it was again. I turned my head to the side and so did the wolf. I leaned in close to the water, and so did the wolf. Then, like a brick to the face, it hit me. I ‘am’ the wolf, the wolf is me.

I looked at my reflection in the water, taking in every inch of myself. I am beautiful. My eyes were what caught my attention the most. They glowed a bright yellow that twinkled in the light. My coat is just like my hair, it’s so dark that it looks almost purple. I looked down at my furry paws and my claws that scratched at the dirt. I drew my eyes up and traced them down the side of my smooth and silky fur, to my long fluffy tail. At the tip of my tail is a pure white patch. I huffed happily and looked back to my reflection in the water. At long last I finally believe that I can be truly beautiful, well at least my wolf is. A calming resolve took route in my mind, this is how my life was meant to be. I was born to be a wolf, to be wild and free.

I looked around the forest, everything was so clear and in focus. I couldn’t stand still anymore, so I started to run. Not going anywhere, just running, dashing through the trees of the forest. I passed fields of flowers and large boulders and I even jumped over a little waterfall that I didn’t know existed. I suppose no one ever comes this deep into the forest, so there would be lots of undiscovered sights.

As I was running, I caught the scent of something strange and somewhat unpleasant. I slowed my run to a trot. Lifting my snout to the air, I took a deep whiff. I immediately recoiled and scrunched my nose. It smells like burnt metal and coal, but there’s another scent that I don’t like. It’s a hot garbage like smell, mixed with a rotting animal and burning chemicals. I stopped walking and stood silently, looking slowly around the forest. I couldn’t see anything, but the scent was starting to burn my nose. I don’t like this, it’s time to go. I turned on my paws, heading back the way I came, and the smell soon disappeared behind me. I came up to one of the flower fields I passed earlier and laid down in the grass for a quick rest. I feel a little tired, that running took a lot out of me. I rested my head on my paws and closed my eyes as I panted softly.

-

My eyes flew open and I sat upright, I had fallen asleep in the grass. I held my arm out and examined my hand, turning it around in front of my face. Human again. I looked around me at the forest. The sun had already begun to set, and it was getting dark. Oh no, I’m late, Dad will kill me. I stood up and looked down at myself. Crap! I'm naked. Do I really have to go back, couldn’t I just live in the forest now? You know, survive off the land and all that? I shivered as the last bit of sun left me and wrapped my arms around myself. Who am I kidding. I don’t know the first thing about surviving in the wild. I'd barely last the night. No, I have to go back, I will freeze out here.

I ran back to the house as fast as I could, staying on the edge of the forest, sticking behind the trees. How was I going to explain my clothing situation, well lack of clothing situation? He will definitely kill me this time. He can’t catch me without clothes on. I snuck around the back of the house to the clothesline, I’m sure I did some washing the other day. That small sliver of hope died when I saw the line. All that was left was one of Hank’s shirts and a couple of socks. I snatched down the shirt and threw it on, it was just long enough to cover my backside. I opened the back door to the kitchen and tiptoed through, closing it gently behind me. I turned back around and there he was. Eyes black and glaring right at me, his face screwed up in anger. He grabbed me by the face and slammed my head into the door behind me. A dull ache ran through the back of my head where it connected with the door.

“Where the fuck have you been, girl?” he screamed at me. He pulled my head forward and again slammed it back into the door. The dull ache intensifying.

“And what’s this?” he pulls on the shirt,

“You’re wearing my fucking clothes now?” He threw me across the room onto the kitchen floor. The shirt riding up my stomach as I rolled.

“And no fucking panties ay, you filthy little slut”. I curled myself into a ball in the furthest corner of the kitchen, tucking my head and face into my knees.

“I’ll show what I do to little whores” he snarled as he stomped over to my shaking body, grabbing me by the hair and pulling me up onto my knees. The back of my head and now the top of my head were throbbing.

“NOOO” I sobbed as I struggled to break free of his hold.

He dragged me across the floor by my hair, stopping at the basement door. Terror instantly flooded my body. Please not the basement. He kicked open the door and pushed me through, throwing my small body down the stairs. My elbow smashed into the first step, my back and head hitting the next. I rolled and rolled down the stairs hitting every part of my body. When I finally landed on the cold concrete floor, I felt like a truck had hit me. I lay sprawled across the floor trying to distinguish the sorest part of my body. I heard Hank coming down the stairs, his heavy feet stomping on each step. I feebly attempted to push my weak body away from the stairs, away from him, sliding myself along the floor on my hands and knees.

“You think I’m going to let ‘my’ daughter sleep around with whoever the fuck she wants?” he spat. He reached the last step and continued his stomping towards my quivering body. He kicked me in the ribs and sent me flying back across the floor. I landed hard on my side and quickly tried to move away again.

“I didn’t” I coughed, gasping for air.

I felt as though my chest had caved in, I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was about to vomit when Hank grabbed my hair and lifted my head. CRACK! It felt like my eye had exploded inside my skull when he punched me in the face. I landed on the cold concrete and pressed my face onto the floor. He used his foot to roll me over so that I was on my back.

“Look at you, you disgusting cunt” he huffed as he crouched down beside me. He wiped the hair from my face and smiled, a terrifying evil smile.

“I have something extra special for you tonight” he whispered.

He stood up and walked away but I could still hear him moving around in the basement. I fought hard to keep my eyes open, well one eye, the other eye had fused shut from the force of his punch. I was fighting hard not to pass out, no matter what, I can’t pass out. I don’t know what he might do to me if I did. He came back over to me and grabbed my shoulders, lifting me upright to sit up against the wall. He put his hand around the back of my neck, I thought he was about to choke me, but he didn’t. There was a loud click sound and then he stood up and stepped back. I felt something heavy drop onto my collar bone, I reached up to feel for it. There was a strap like thing around the base of my neck with a small box attached to it. I could feel spikes on the inside of the strap, stabbing into my skin. I tried to look at Hank to see what he was doing but I couldn’t, my eyes were blurry, and my head felt heavy.

Something was tapping on the side of my face, and it wasn’t exactly gentle.

“Wake up now little slut, it’s time for some fun”.

I shuddered awake and tried to lift myself up. I couldn’t. I was too weak. I wasn’t chained up either, I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I peered at him with my one good eye. He was standing up in front of me, holding something, like a little phone. He put his chin down and smiled a crooked smile, his eyes glaring at me from under his brows. He held out his hand as if to show me the little phone he was holding. Only it wasn’t a phone, it looked more like a walkie talkie. Confusion and fear flooded my mind, I have no idea where he is going with this. His usual beatings are bad but when he decides to get creative, it’s always worse. He snickered and pressed his thumb down on the button on the side.

Everything went black, my body stiffened from the pain shooting through it. I fell to the floor, my entire body shaking in agony. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t move my arms or legs. The feeling was indescribable, it was like I no longer had any control over my own body. My body stopped convulsing and feeling rushed back in. I could feel every morsel of pain as I lay panting, unable to move. I could hear him cackling at the top of his lungs.

“Oh my God” he laughed,

“You should see how stupid you look”.

It happened again. My eyes rolled back in my head, I tried to scream but nothing came out. I wanted desperately for the pain to stop. I would do anything to make it stop. Perhaps if I was strong enough, or if I had enough will power, then maybe I could die right here and now, then it would all stop. My body relaxed again, and I tried to catch a breath. My father was laughing uncontrollably. His sick and twisted laughter echoed in the stale air of the basement. With all the strength I could muster, I lifted my arm to my neck. What the fuck is this thing. I tugged at the strap around my neck trying to get it off. I began to frantically feel for a buckle or a clip, or something to release it.

Hank’s foot slammed down onto my stomach and I immediately vomited.

“No you fucking don’t” he yelled.

Choaking on my blood and vomit, and gasping for air, I rolled to the side and spat out the bile in my mouth. I couldn’t breathe, my ribs were for sure broken. Sharp pains shot through my chest with each strained breath I took.

“Please” I coughed with more blood coming out of my mouth,

“Stop” I gagged as my head fell back to the floor.

“Now why would I do that?” he taunted me,

“We’re having so much fun”.

He pressed the button again and my body convulsed. Everything hurt. I could feel everything, but at the same time, I felt nothing. I was in agony, but I couldn’t pinpoint the source. The pain was coursing through my entire body, every cell, every fibre, it was all torturous. I just wanted it to stop. I tried again to beg him but all I could do was make a horrible gagging sound. He released me, and my body melted into the floor. My eyes twitched and went dark. Let this be death I prayed, and then I was out.

*

A blinding white light was surrounding me. A tall, thin figure stood before me with its hands outstretched towards me. I felt nothing, no pain, no cold. Nothing. Nothing but stillness.

“It’s time to get up now, sweet girl” the angelic figure sung.

“I can’t” I whispered.

“You can, my child. Your journey does not end here” the gentle voice cooed. The figure slowly backed away, taking with it the bright light, until I was once again alone in the darkness.

*

I started to come too. My legs and arms felt like they were floating, my muscles are sore and numb, and there’s an awful burning sensation around my neck. I took a deep breath and winced at the stabbing pain that shot through my chest. Was I dying? Or was I dead? Please let this be death, I can’t live through another night of this torture. I tried to open my eyes, but they felt so heavy. I blinked a little trying to detect something I could recognise. There were tiny lights above me. They almost looked like stars in the sky. Oh, I am dead. As I slowly became more conscious it was apparent that I was moving. No, I was being carried. There was an arm under my head and my legs flopped over another arm. My head was rested against a warm bare chest. I don’t understand, Hank would never carry me so gently, he would just drag my lifeless body along the ground by my wrist or ankle.

This was not right. I stirred and thrashed in a panic. Where was I, what was going on? I tried again to focus my good eye, but it was no use, my surroundings were too dark. I tried to scream for him to let me go, but nothing came out but a little squeak.

“It’s okay Zelena, I’ve got you now”.

That voice. I know that voice, that ever so smooth and calming voice. I nuzzled my nose into the chest that my face was resting on and sniffed. Mm... warm sunshine. It’s him. It’s Gunner. I must be dead, this is heaven.

“She doesn’t look so good mate”. I heard another voice, I think it was Cole. Why would Cole be in heaven too?

“No, she’ll be fine” the deliciously intoxicating voice of Gunner rumbled.

“I really think we should go to the hospital” this voice was shaking and ever so quiet.

“No” Gunner responded, so stern and demanding. It's okay. I can die now. If being dead means seeing Gunner in heaven, then I will gladly go. Everything began to spin, my eyes went fuzzy, and my head felt dull.

“Gunner” I whispered. My head fell back and I thought ‘heaven here I come’. And I lost consciousness again.

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Authors note.

What are your thoughts on your first look into our characters and the brutal upbringing of Zelena? Please leave me a comment and let me know.