Chapter 2

I suck in air and try to steel my spine to go inside when the door opens and someone steps out. Not someone, Izzy. She stands in front of the door, head swiveling to all sides as she looks around. I open the car door and step out, one heel after another. My door slams shut and I stand there in my halter dress and heels, arms folded around me. I feel the minute her eyes register me. It's like being under a hot lamp, on display for everyone to see. 

"Sky is that you?" She asks, curiosity heavy in her voice. I nod but realize she probably can't see me. 

"Yea Iz, it's me. You got a second?" I ask.

"For you, anytime babe. Let me just go tell Thomas. Unless you want to come in with, for old time's sake?" I nod and follow after her, unsure if I should be going back through these doors. It took a lot of me to walk away from this life that I loved. I thought I was walking into something I loved more, my husband. 

I take Izzy's hand as we walk through the door and something deep in my bones settles. Something I didn't even know I was missing. It's like being home after a long day, but I've never had this feeling after walking into my marital home. This life though, it had its down sides. I couldn't tell my family where I  was working, what I was doing to make money. I wasn't ashamed, but they wouldn't have accepted it, accepted me for who I was. 

"Well, I'll be damned. Am I dreamin' or is she really here?" Thomas says from behind the bar once he sees me hand in hand with Izzy. 

"Oh she's here alright, and she's hurt." Thomas looks confused as his eyes trail my body, head to toes, like he does all the girls when they turn up for work. 

"She looks perfectly fine to me. Better than fine as a matter of fact." Izzy scoffs, slapping Thomas lightly with her free hand. 

"Not that kind of hurt. The emotional hurt. I have to help, can you cover me a few minutes?" She asks as Thomas looks at me in a new light. I hate being talked about like I'm not here, but I still can't quite figure out how to get the words to come out of my damn mouth. 

Thomas nods but pulls me into a hug as Izzy drags along behind me. I can't let go of her hand, it's tethering me to the world, to this place I know I need to be right now. It's not that I'm emotionally stunted, it's that I don't process emotions correctly. I don't know what it's called, it's not an offical diagnosis, but one Izzy and I came up with on our own. My family doesn't do emotions, no feelings involved in anything, so when I have to ineviteably deal with them, I can't. I'm not like my sisters and brother. I have feelings, emotions, heavy ones, I just can't figure out how to process them. 

Thomas smells the same he did three years ago when I hugged him for the last time. I miss him, I miss this life. I miss being able to be myself and not having to wear a mask to make everyone else happy. I miss having my person when I need her, and when she needs me. I never wanted this life, the one with the husband and white picket fence, but I put my all into the role when it fell into my lap. 

He lets me go, kissing my forehead and turning away to deal with a customer at the bar. Izzy pulls me into our booth, the one in the back corner that hides us from the public. It's what we use when the big boss comes into town, but he isn't here tonight. If he was this place would be a hell of a lot busier and a hell of a lot louder. I look at the girl on stage in front of our booth; she's a beautiful woman, but she lacks the ease of transition from one performance to another. The pole performances were always my domain and it almost makes me feel a little better to know that whoever they have now doing it isn't very good at guidance.