93. Their Reasons

“What exactly have you done—” Ashley felt her throat constrict as she spoke. She knew Josh's intention in bringing up his girlfriend's life story in their conversation was simply to show that that girl was fragile and needed Josh's presence. To let her know how deep and strong their relationship was, that Josh would never be able to leave his girlfriend for any reason.

Of course, Ashley was very understanding and could deduce everything easily.

However, there was an important point that felt very odd that clearly disturbed her heart.

Josh's remarks about her being the cause of his girlfriend attempting suicide, both recently and in the past.

That girl had done it before too! She had tried to end her life more than once?! How much pain did she have to go through to try to do such a horrible thing multiple times?

“You mean... She tried to kill herself… more than once? And all because of you?”

Ashley was completely confused and had a hard time stringing her speculations together.

Josh had clearly said something about their relationship being so close and it didn't sound like an easy romance to end. And from what she had witnessed herself, these past few moments, Josh seemed to really love the girl. So what had Josh done to cause his girlfriend to be that desperate?

It all seemed so absurd to her.

Meanwhile, Josh could see the curiosity and horror on Ashley's face. He knew and was prepared for the risk of everything he had just told her.

It was not a pleasant story, after all. And involving another girl who might be the one indirectly contributing to Ashley's predicament.

Josh also didn't expect Ashley to have sympathy for Sharon. He just wanted to express to Ashley that Sharon should not receive pain from anyone. Because Josh himself also really wanted to make Sharon's bad destiny stop only in her dark past.

“Because I made her think that I left her.”

Without Ashley realizing it, her confusion was getting worse. Her head automatically tilted with narrowed eyes, throwing many question marks and incomprehension at Josh. Because from her perspective, she was sure Josh would not leave the girl even if it only crossed his mind.

Josh took a breath. He wanted to make Ashley fully understand Sharon's fragility and give enough understanding to what Sharon and he were going through.

“Sharon went through a lot of bad things in her past, Ash. She lost everything in her life in a very short time. Losing property and parents—that's enough to make her want to follow them. Even the people who once claimed to be her friends left her because they couldn't keep giving her free help. 'My life in an instant became so despicable and shameful', was a sentence that once came out of Sharon's mouth that I could never get rid of from my memory. My heart still aches when I remember her difficult times back then. In her devastation, I was the only one who could still stay by her side. For her, maybe I was the only hope she had left at that time.”

Josh took a deep breath. It wasn't easy remembering and replaying such a heart-wrenching story.

“I tried as much as I could to save Sharon. To give her happiness, to be her backup, and to secure her life materially. At a price that was certainly not cheap. I paid a lot of things to my family for Sharon.”

Ashley uttered a rhetorical conclusion, “You love her that much.”

Josh's eyes glanced at Ashley.

“That you would make such a sacrifice.”

A smile was then etched on Josh's lips bitterly. “It's not just about my feelings for her. I once owed Sharon my life. She saved me. That's why I might be compelled to try to return the favor as best I can. But—” Josh gave a slight pause. “I always end up hurting her.”

“That's what I'm asking. What are you really doing? You two love each other, why would you hurt her?” Ashley emphasized her words.

“Many things,” Josh looked at Ashley with a sad look in his eyes. “In the past, I've made her lose something,” his breath caught, ”that also almost cost her her life. I can't go into detail, but, it was enough to leave us both deeply traumatized. I also made it difficult for her because of my family's underestimation of her. What hurt her the most was when I said that I should marry you.” 

Josh tried to say his last sentence very carefully. He didn't want Ashley to think he was blaming her.

“I think all of those problems ended up destabilizing her condition and clouding her mind even more. The last time it happened, it was because we were in an unpleasant situation and it made me act cold towards her,” Josh closed his eyes so tightly that the stars spread out in his eyes. “She got scared and thought I was leaving her. That's why she was thinking impulsively and tried to hurt herself.”

“You should never have agreed to this marriage in the first place, Josh.” Ashley's forehead was deeply furrowed. The look on her face was a mess because she couldn't bear the long tragedy she was hearing about. “Eventually, I think your parents will understand your relationship with her.”

Josh shook his head with a very heavy feeling. “That's not going to happen. Instead, they're getting more and more serious about separating us. My parents have threatened to hurt Sharon if I dare to refuse this marriage.”

“How far would your parents go? They know her life is very difficult. They couldn't possibly have the heart to do scary things to her.”

“You don't know my family,” Josh looked at Ashley sharply, expressing the seriousness in his sentence. “They're capable of the worst things you can't imagine. That's why I can't let Sharon be in danger. But if I break off our relationship because of the marriage, it's Sharon who will endanger herself. So, I ended up having no choice but to comply with my parents' wishes, while keeping Sharon close to me secretly. And that left me trapped in my own plans.”

Ashley took a heavy breath, “So that's why you insist on wanting me to keep it a secret—including to your family?”

“Yes.”

The roar and storm of all kinds of feelings rolled through Ashley's heart at that moment. She felt sorry for the difficult life Josh’s girlfriend had to live.

And the pressure that was passed off as a threat to Josh as well as herself from their respective parents, made things even more complicated and worse. 

Ashley was sure all three of them really wanted to get out of this awful tangle of fate. But their families were too smart and meticulous to build a wall without a door so they couldn't escape.

She finally figured out the reason why Josh had been so firm in accepting their marriage. He was doing it for his girlfriend's safety.

Just like what Ashley did to keep her mother alive.

If this is the case, divorce will really be a very unlikely thing to happen.