The Morning After

I didn’t get to bed until three in the morning. By the time I finished re-mopping the locker room, walking to Freya’s to carry a heavy, sleeping Caspian back to our basement apartment, and washing the smell of bleach from my skin, the stars were already fading.

Now, at eight a.m., the harsh morning light of the lecture hall felt like needles behind my eyes.

"Mama, look!" Caspian babbled, his chubby fingers pressing a plastic blue dinosaur against my notebook.

"Shh, sweet boy," I whispered, keeping my head low as the professor droned on about supply chain logistics.

Crestview University didn't have a daycare open this early, and Freya had a mandatory senior thesis seminar across campus. I had no choice. I sat in the absolute back row of the massive hall, hiding Caspian behind my heavy backpack. He was being an angel, happily chewing on a piece of toast, but my nerves were fried. If the professor caught me with a toddler, I’d be kicked out of the lecture. I couldn't afford to miss a single day of notes if I wanted to graduate on time.

Seven more months, I told myself, gently stroking Caspian's soft dark curls. He looked so much like his father it made my chest ache. The same thick hair, the same long eyelashes. Every time I looked at my son, I saw the ghost of the boy who used to love me.

The heavy wooden doors at the front of the lecture hall slammed open.

A collective whisper rippled through the hundred-odd students in the room. I didn't even have to look up to know who it was. The sudden shift in the room's energy was a physical wave.

Casper walked down the stepped aisle, followed by three of his teammates. He didn't have his hockey gear, but he still looked massive in a black Crestview hoodie and gray sweatpants. He didn't look like he had slept much either; his jaw was tightly clenched, and his silver-blue eyes scanned the rows with a predatory intensity.

My heart hammered against my ribs. Please don't look back here. Please just sit down.

Of course, he didn't sit at the front. Casper Vance never did what people wanted. He kept walking up the stairs, his dark eyes locking onto me the second he cleared the middle section. A cold, mocking smirk spread across his lips.

He slid into the row right in front of me, his massive shoulders blocking my view of the projector screen completely. His teammates took the seats around him, laughing quietly at some inside joke. Casper turned around in his seat, leaning his elbow on my desk, invading my space instantly.

"Morning, Olivia," he murmured, his voice low enough that only I could hear it over the professor's microphone. "You look tired. Did you have a long night?"

I didn't answer. I kept my eyes on my notebook, my pen trembling as I forced myself to write down a definition from the slides. I pulled my backpack slightly closer to my chest, completely shielding Caspian, who was currently sitting on the floor by my sneakers, completely engrossed in his dinosaur.

"Ignoring me now?" Casper leaned closer, the scent of his fresh, minty soap and sharp cologne instantly filling my senses. "That's fine. We have all semester. I talked to Coach this morning, by the way. She was thrilled to hear you volunteered to be the dedicated locker room attendant for the Wolves. You're on the schedule for every afternoon practice. Starting today."

The cruelty in his voice was like a physical slap. He was intentionally trying to break me, trying to force a reaction out of the girl he thought had discarded him like trash.

"I heard you," I said, keeping my voice dead, completely flat. I finally looked up, meeting his icy glare with a blank stare. "I'll be there, Captain Vance. I never walk away from a job."

Casper’s smirk vanished, his eyes darkening at the subtle dig. Before he could snap back, a tiny, high-pitched noise came from beneath my desk.

"Roar!" Caspian whispered loudly, dropping his plastic dinosaur. It rolled right past my shoe and bumped straight into the heel of Casper’s sneakers.

The air in my lungs turned to ice.

Casper froze. He slowly lowered his gaze to the floor, looking down at the small blue toy resting against his shoe.

"Olivia," the professor's voice suddenly boomed from the front of the room, cutting through the tension. "Is there a distraction in the back row?"

"No, sir," I blurted out, my voice cracking with absolute panic.

While the professor turned back to the whiteboard, I frantically kicked the dinosaur back under my chair, my heart rate skyrocketing into the thousands. Casper was still staring at the floor, his brow furrowing as he slowly began to turn his head to look beneath my desk.

If he looked down, he would see him. He would see the silver-blue eyes. He would see his own face staring back at him in a two-year-old child.

In a move of pure desperation, I reached out and grabbed Casper's chin, forcing his face back up to look at me. The sudden contact of my palm against his rough, stubbled jawline sent an electric shock straight up my arm. Casper gasped slightly, his silver eyes widening in pure shock at my sudden touch.

"Don't," I whispered, my voice trembling, tears of pure terror threatening to spill over my lashes. "Please, Casper. Just leave me alone."

For a split second, the anger in his eyes melted. He felt the desperation in my grip, the sheer panic vibrating off my skin. His hand rose slightly, as if he wanted to reach out and touch my face in return.

But then, the girl sitting next to him in the front row a gorgeous, high-society blonde cheerleader named Chloe leaned over and wrapped her arm around Casper’s shoulder.

"Casper, babe, did you get the notes from chapter four?" she asked, her voice dripping with artificial sweetness as she glared at my hand on his chin.

The spell broke. I ripped my hand away from Casper's face as if I had been burned.

Casper’s expression hardened back into a wall of cold stone. He didn't look down at the floor again. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Chloe’s waist, pulling her flush against his side, his eyes locking onto mine with a vengeful, burning heat.

"Yeah, Chloe," Casper said, his voice loud enough for the whole row to hear, his eyes never leaving my face. "I've got everything I need right here."

I lowered my head, my vision blurring with hot, unshed tears as I reached down blindly to grip my son's tiny hand beneath the desk.