Chapter 10

     Blaize put Jade on the hospital bed at once when they were back inside the arena. There is a mini-hospital inside the arena and all the players are provided with medical treatment only once if they were still alive after completing a game successfully.

     “I need your assistance.” Yekaterina said as she wears the medical gloves. She had already checked Jade’s pulse and she’s still alive, fortunately. The wound is not that deep and luckily, it didn’t reach her organs or any main vein.

      “Pass me the saline and gauze, please.” Yekaterina said. But after waiting for a few seconds, no one handed her what she was asking. She glanced at them and they were all pushing each other to do something or pick up something and hand it to her, obviously not knowing what exactly she was asking.

     Yekaterina sighed as she gets the saline and gauze herself. Clearly, these guys with him know nothing when it comes to this. She then proceeded to clean Jade’s wound, removing the dried blood around the wound and making sure it is not infected. Then she swiftly stitched the wound to successfully stop the bleeding. Afterwards, she makes quick work to connect Jade into an IV drip and blood transfusion to make up for all the blood she lost.

     All the while, the four guys watch her, amazed at how knowledgeable she is. Perhaps, their reaction is rooted on the fact that they know nothing about the matter and yet here is Yekaterina, who knows how to save someone’s life from danger like a medical professional. That’s how it looks like in their eyes.

     When Yekaterina was done, they all sat down on the vacant beds next to Jade, worried about her condition. They waited for her and watched over her to make sure she will be fully tended on if anything else happens.

     A few hours later, Jade’s eyes fluttered and her index finger twitches, alerting Yekaterina and the others. When she opened her eyes, their faces were the first thing she saw.

     “See? That’s what happens when you expose your stomach like that.” Zayden jokingly said.

     Jade smiled, as her mind wanders back to that time of her life where she wasn’t allowed to wear anything of her liking.

     “Toffer! That’s your mom’s heels. Take it off!” Toffer Jade’s father said with voice raised to his seven-year-old son.

     From then on, Toffer’s father enrolled his son into martial art classes, forcing him to attend it. Even if he doesn't go to school, if he will just show up to his martial arts training, then everything is okay. His father won’t be mad that he skips his other classes as long as it’s not his martial art’s training.

     "Why are you so late?" Toffer’s mom asked them.

     "Toffer did some sparring with his friend, and he's not bad." his father boastfully responded to his mother who looks worried when her eyes landed on him.

     He left them there and he went straight to his room. A few minutes later, his mom knocks on the door and went in.

     She looks at his son’s bruises on his face and shoulders then asked, “Is it tough?”

     Instead of answering her, he took off his shirt, revealing his body full of swollen bruises everywhere. His mother was so bewildered, unable to say anything. She doesn't even know that his son suffered this much.

     She decided to talk to his father and tell him that Toffer will temporarily stop going to his martial arts training and let his body heal.

      It was a shocking news to Toffer instead of being happy that his dad said yes. He takes off from training for a week but when he saw people wearing training uniforms, he realized he kinds of missed it. The thrill, the hard work, feeling your strength increase and the satisfaction when you win over someone in training while sweat runs down your face. He misses all of it. So, he, himself, voluntarily told his father that he wants to go back to training.

     It was going well; he enjoys training and he thought maybe this kind of life is actually not bad and he can learn to love it. However, one day, he went with his mother into a boutique to buy a gown for his birthday party.

     As he looks at the gown, he had the extreme desire of wanting to wear it, wear something feminine and look like a real woman. He remembers how it feels when he wore his mom’s heels back when he was seven. It was euphoric, like he had found something precious deep inside himself.

     At that moment, he realizes this is his real self, away from the kind of life his father wants for him. He realizes that no matter how much he buries it deep inside him, it will still resurface and knock on the doors of his heart, wanting to be freed from the chains of toxic masculinity.

     "Looking for a gown for your girlfriend? Is she coming to your birthday?" his mother teased him beside him.

     "Mom." He directly looked at his mom’s eyes, wanting to talk but words are not coming out from his mouth.

     His mom though, did not need words as she stared at his son’s eyes, reading everything he wants to say. And like something snaps inside them, they both burst into tears. Toffer, knowing even though his mom understands and supports him, she doesn’t have that much control over his dad. And his mom cries with him because no matter how much she wants to support Toffer, she can’t because of his father. She understands because he is her son afterall. But there’s nothing she can do about it.

      Holding back who you are will eat you up inside. Lying to yourself will not hide the fact that the person you were trying to become is not you and will never be you. And Jade is the epitome of that.