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12 The Unwanted Instinct
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The Search for Freedom 13 The Unknown Murderer
LilMany days had passed since the crime my hands committed, but I was still thinking about those things, and it was difficult for me to concentrate in my studies as a result.My grades, my performance, my attitude, my atmosphere, my life, everything was affected by the incident.All those days, I had staggered to my feet and swayed a little, walking down a quiet street, flabbergasted. Looking at the aligned structures, they were also showing sadness. Sometimes I sat on the riverbank, frowning and shrugging while looking at the sun going down on the horizon. The sunlight seemed cold instead of scorching rays.I couldn't think well, sleep well, breathe well, speak well, or even calm myself. I was going to lose my sanity. But I was still lucky that even though the curse could control my body, I had been thinking normally.I asked myself why I was still thinking about the crime. I wasn't the one who did it, but someone who cheated me. I've never experienced that kind of thing before, so I
The Search for Freedom 14 The Absent Friend
Avoiding the eyes of people, avoiding gossip, and avoiding the things that made me remember the sin I committed. I avoided the attack of conscience, though it was unavoidable.The gossipers surpassed the market, the news outpaced the virus, people's eyes vanquished the juries, and everything conquered the one being pursued by death when avoiding me.However, nothing could outpace my family. Because even if the strongest hurricane struck, they would never abandon me, and I was grateful to some people who were willing to sacrifice their happiness for someone they cared about.I was sitting on my chair inside our classroom and looking at the door, but I had slipped into a reverie when I saw someone. Someone who has made me fall in love since the first day of school.Jayne Salvador, our beautiful teacher, entered the room. She was in a collared white shirt and jeans, though she was still beautiful in whatever clothes she would wear, even if she would wear undergarments. She had a high nos
The Search for Freedom 15 The Two Guards
KailaMany times, I accidentally hurt the workers around the mansion. They might think I was a reckless girl, which was exactly what I thought of myself. But aside from everything, I was very grateful because they understood me and didn't leave me alone in the huge mansion.Though they didn't know why I could do things which they had never seen before, Amara also told me that maybe I was doing them because I had not moved on from my parents' death. However, everything had happened and it could not be retrieved. It is up to them to rationalize what has happened.I sat alone on the stairs, often looking at the paintings with my hands on my knees, sometimes inside the pocket of my parka. I had been remembering my mother when something suddenly showed up.I was so unlucky. It was that pinkish cloud again. I knew it wanted to absorb and grind my whole body again. But I was wrong. Maybe I still had a little luck because my memories were not erased after it brought me to the other place that
The Search for Freedom 16 The Seductive Playmate
What kind of worker was he to down even his boss? He was really not thinking about what I could do, that I could remove him from work because of what he did. He didn't know that I was only kind to those who were kind, but I was also cruel to those who were cruel. However, I knew I could not blame him because what I did was undoubtedly a mistake, and he was only telling the truth.I was still thankful to the only person, Amara Spicy, whom I trusted and considered my sister; the woman who could understand anything and the woman who cared about me, though sometimes I was stubborn. I was grateful because she did not believe the words of the guard who wanted to destroy our good partnership.Maybe Amara believed that I could not hurt someone without any reason, and she was right, because it wasn't me who hurt anyone, but the curse from the ugly woman.My problems with the guard were finally solved because I had already fired him without hesitation. I wasn't so cruel as what someone would th
The Search for Freedom 17 The Coffin's Load
LilI walked down the street, listening to my own heartbeat and counting my own footsteps, so that the tiredness would turn into solace. It was quite weird; there was no one outside their houses, and the doors and windows were all closed. I might be the only one outside. Even the beggars who were sitting on the street-side before had disappeared.I didn't care what other people would do. They had their freedom and it was their life. They were in charge of themselves. Perhaps I was thinking about that thing because I cared. An emotional defense mechanism I learned that everyone had a responsibility to each other; their lives were adjoining; and no one could live alone, except me."What else can I do?" was the question that always stayed in my mind. I knew I could do something in every situation. But if not, I could still hope that everything would be fine. I hoped that my inference wasn't true and that my friend would be alright soon.Eventually, I arrived near the gate of my friend's
The Search for Freedom 18 The Beautiful Locations
My father wasn't totally a cruel man. What he did was a way of showing care and worry. Scolding a child was a way of disciplining them. He still had a heart that even though I did something wrong, he wouldn't hurt me. My father was so full of love that he could recognize even the smallest mistake I made, but he didn't know the greatest mistake of my life. I didn't know what to expect from his reaction if he knew I killed someone. Would he listen to my explanation? I really need courage before telling him.I was afraid of hurting and killing someone, though I was hurt. I didn't want them to experience what I experienced. I was afraid of being imprisoned, though sometimes I fought those bullies. I was afraid of doing something unlawful. I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of the things my body could do. The dark magic in me was a stroke of a stray curse.Sitting on the chair, looking at the bowl of sweet-potato-chips in front of me, I sometimes softly squeezed my nose, catching the fli
The Search for Freedom 19 The Whole Story
KailaI didn't know why the boy named Nick visited me yesterday. He came just to say hello and left before nightfall without saying goodbye. He talked a lot about his family. He told me that his parents wanted to negotiate with me. But I didn't believe him. They might only cheat me and plunder the wealth I inherited from my ancestors. I needed time to think things through. Maybe I needed to meet his parents to know if he was telling the truth.Many things were messing with my mind. I had woken up, and I remembered the dream I had. It had been many days since the last time I had a dream, but just last night I dreamed again about the place where there was nothing but emptiness. I didn't even know what kind of place it was. I didn't even know why I was dreaming about that place. Maybe it was an indication, but an indication of what? Did that indicate emptiness? Maybe it indicated that I would be empty, that nobody would be left behind."Nick nock nick nock," the steady, recurrent ticking
The Search for Freedom 20 The Old Woman
I was going towards the window of my bedroom when something appeared in front of me. What the hell? This again? The pinkish cloud which did nothing but cause pain? I was wrong. I wasn't lucky that day. However, instead of the pinkish cloud that was going to absorb me, there was someone who stepped outside of it.This was her again: the antiquated and ugly woman. Her appearance had not changed, nor even the clothes that she was wearing: a leather coat and long pants. She had long, curly hair that was spread around her back. But the most eerie part was her face, which I could not look directly at, so I just looked down at the floor to avoid it."How dare you show your face again after everything you did to me? You're such a wicked, contemptible hag!" I shouted.She laughed at me and asked, "Are you not happy to see me?""How can I be happy to see the old woman who cheated me? You told me that you were going to give me power, but what kind of power is this?""If you won't stop scolding m
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- The Search for Freedom 84 The Voice Woman
- The Search for Freedom 83 The Ball Boy
- The Search for Freedom 82 The Room
- The Search for Freedom 81 The Memories
- The Search for Freedom 80 The Watch Boy
