The First Kiss

I did not go to the warehouse.

Not yet. Not alone. Not without a plan.

Rex was waiting in the study when I got back. His face was pale. His hands were shaking. He stood up when I walked in. Crossed the room. Grabbed my shoulders.

"Do not ever do that again."

"Do what?"

"Disappear. Go into danger without me. Make me wait."

"I am fine."

"You are not fine. You are standing in front of me, but you are not fine. I can see it in your eyes."

He was right. I was not fine.

Victor was alive. He had been alive this whole time. Watching. Waiting. Planning. And now he wanted me to come to him. Alone. Unarmed. Ready to surrender.

"I am not going to let him win," I said.

"Then do not go."

"I have to. Lin is there. Mrs. Park's daughter is there. They are going to die if I do not go."

"They are going to die if you do go. Victor will kill them anyway. He always does."

"Then what do you suggest?"

Rex let go of my shoulders. Walked to the window.

"We go together. We bring an army. We burn the warehouse to the ground."

"He will kill Lin the moment he sees you."

"Then we do not let him see me."

"He has cameras. He has spies. He has been planning this for years."

"So have I."

I walked to him. Stopped behind him. Did not touch him.

"What have you been planning, Rex?"

He turned. His face was inches from mine.

"I have been planning to keep you alive. To keep you safe. To keep you."

"You cannot keep me. I am not a thing."

"I know."

"Then stop trying to own me."

"I am not trying to own you, Mira. I am trying to love you."

The words hung in the air.

I had heard him say it before. In the garden. In the dark. But it had always felt like a strategy. A weapon. A way to control me.

This time felt different.

This time, his hands were not on me. His body was not pressed against mine. He was just standing there. Looking at me. Waiting.

"Say something," he said.

"I do not know what to say."

"Say you believe me."

"I do not know if I do."

"Then say you do not. Say anything. Just do not stand there in silence."

I reached out. Touched his face. His jaw was rough with stubble. His skin was warm.

"I want to believe you," I said.

"Then let me prove it."

"How?"

He took my hand. Pressed it against his chest. His heart was pounding.

"I am scared, Mira. I have never been scared of anything in my life. But I am scared of losing you."

"Rex..."

"I know you are not ready. I know you do not trust me. I know you think I am just like Victor. Just like your mother. Just like everyone else who has used you."

"I do not think that."

"Then what do you think?"

I thought about the past few weeks. The way he looked at me. The way he touched me. The way he waited. He never pushed. Never demanded. Never took what I was not ready to give.

"I think you are trying," I said.

"I am."

"And I think that matters."

"It does not matter if you do not let me in."

"I am trying to let you in."

"Try harder."

I laughed. It was a small sound. Almost sad.

"That is what I said to my mother."

"Great minds think alike."

"She is not great."

"No. But she is trying too. Just like me. Just like you."

I looked at him. At his storm-cloud eyes. At his sharp jaw. At the man who killed my father and married me for revenge and said he loved me.

"Kiss me," I said.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I do not want to push..."

"You are not pushing. I am asking."

He kissed me.

Not like before. Not hungry. Not desperate. Slow. Gentle. Like he was afraid I would break.

I did not break.

I pulled him closer. Wrapped my arms around his neck. Pressed my body against his.

He groaned. His hands found my hips. Lifted me. Carried me to the couch.

"This is not how I imagined this happening," he said.

"How did you imagine it?"

"On a bed. With candles. With time."

"We do not have time."

"Then we will make time."

He laid me down on the couch. Stretched out beside me. His hand traced my face. My jaw. My throat.

"You are beautiful," he said.

"I am not."

"You are to me."

He kissed me again. Deeper this time. His tongue against mine. His hand in my hair.

I wanted to stop. To think. To make sure this was real.

But I was tired of thinking. Tired of waiting. Tired of being afraid.

I pulled his shirt over his head. Ran my hands over his chest. His scars. His muscles. His skin.

He shivered.

"Are you cold?" I asked.

"I am not cold. I am terrified."

"Of what?"

"Of hurting you. Of scaring you. Of doing something wrong."

"You cannot hurt me."

"I can. I have. I killed your father."

"You killed the man who was going to kill my mother. That is not the same."

"It feels the same."

"It is not."

I sat up. Pulled my dress over my head. Let it fall to the floor.

Rex stared at me. His eyes were dark.

"Mira..."

"Do not talk. Just touch me."

He touched me.

His hands were everywhere. My shoulders. My back. My breasts. His mouth followed. Hot. Open. Desperate.

I arched into him. Made sounds I had never made before. Sounds I did not recognize.

He pulled back. Looked at me.

"I need to hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"Say you want this. Say you want me."

"I want this. I want you."

"Say you trust me."

"I am working on it."

"That is not good enough."

"It is going to have to be."

He kissed me again. Harder this time. His hand slid between my legs. I gasped.

"Tell me to stop," he said.

"Do not stop."

"I am not going to hurt you."

"I know."

"I am going to make you feel things you have never felt before."

"Then do it."

He undressed slowly. Let me watch. His body was beautiful. Scars and all. Hard and ready.

He climbed over me. His body covered mine.

"Last chance," he said.

"Do not you dare stop."

He pushed inside me. Slow. Deep. I gasped. He groaned.

And then we were not enemies anymore. We were not strangers. We were two people who had been alone for too long, finally not alone.

He moved. I moved with him. His forehead pressed to mine.

"I have waited for this," he said.

"Then stop waiting."

He kissed me. And the world disappeared.

Later, we lay on the couch.

The fire had died. The room was dark. His arms were wrapped around me. His heart was steady against my back.

"I did not know it could be like that," I said.

"Like what?"

"Like... not just bodies. Like something else."

"It is something else. With you, it is something else."

I turned to face him. Looked at his eyes. His nose. His mouth.

"Are you going to leave in the morning?" I asked.

"I am not going to leave at all."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"That is a long time."

"I have a long time to give."

I touched his face. His jaw. His lips.

"What if I cannot love you back?"

"Then I will love you enough for both of us."

"That is not how love works."

"It is how my love works."

I did not know what to say. So I kissed him instead.

My phone buzzed on the floor.

Lin.

I reached for it. Read the message.

Victor moved up the timeline. He wants you there by midnight. Not tomorrow. Tonight.

I looked at the clock. 11:15 PM.

Forty-five minutes.

"What is it?" Rex asked.

"Victor changed the plan. He wants me there by midnight."

"Then we go now."

"Alone?"

"Together."

"He will kill Lin if he sees you."

"Then I will not let him see me."

I sat up. Reached for my dress.

"Rex, if something happens to me..."

"Nothing is going to happen to you."

"Promise me."

"I cannot promise that. But I can promise that I will die before I let anyone hurt you."

"That is not a comfort."

"It is the only one I have."

I stood up. Put on my dress. Tucked my gun into my waistband.

Rex stood behind me. Zipped me up. Kissed my neck.

"When this is over," he said, "I am going to take you to a place where no one can find us. No phones. No cameras. No wars."

"A vacation?"

"A honeymoon. We never had one."

"We never had a real wedding either."

"Then we will have both. After."

"After what?"

"After we kill your father."

I turned. Looked at him.

"Together," I said.

"Together."

We walked out of the study. Down the hallway. Out the front door.

The car was waiting.

Victor was waiting.

And somewhere in the dark, Lin was waiting for me to save her.

I would not let her down.