Chapter 2

It took way too long for me to come back to reality and calm myself down. The knock on my bedroom door had me clearing my throat.

“You okay Lexi?” The voice was concerned and for a moment I hated myself for putting her through this, at least it wasn’t every night anymore.

“I’m okay Jess. I’m sorry, try and get back to sleep.” I suggested trying to hide the tears in my voice to no avail, she knew me too well. The door creaked open, and the tiny blonde stepped into the room, appraising me before crawling onto the bed beside me and resting her head on my shoulder.

“The car?” She asked and I nodded not sure how to voice that yet again I had watched my parents die in a ball of fire.

“They don’t seem to be lasting as long as they used to, and they are getting father apart.” She stated, her voice calm and reassuring, and I sighed, she was right, and I had to try and be thankful for that, but it was literally my worst nightmare, and the images would linger for days, until the next time I woke up screaming. It had been almost three years since they died in that car crash and the dreams still hit me as hard now as they did back then.

“Do they feel any better?” Jess asked after I had apparently been silent for too long.

“I guess, I don’t really know how you define better. The last few times I have woken up when the car explodes.” I answered ignoring the hiccups that interrupted my speech. God I was a mess. I glanced at the clock 03:42, if I was lucky, I would be able to manage a couple more hours sleep before I had to be up for a lecture on campus.

“Do you want a hot drink?” She asked trying to help me, regardless of the fact that I had woken her up with my screams twice this week, and it was only Thursday.

“I’m okay thanks. We should try and get some sleep.” I stated knowing that she would sit up with me all night unless I suggested otherwise, it wouldn’t be the first time she had done so. She really was the best friend a girl could ask for, as cliché as that sounded.

“Okay, well shout if you need anything.” She said heading for her own room.

I collapsed back onto the mattress and sighed at the mess my life was in, actually my life wasn’t the mess, I was. I shook my head at the thought, thinking like that would only lead to further problems, and I had enough of those to last me a lifetime. Instead, I focused on the good things, the things that kept me going.

I heard the other bedroom door close opposite mine and smiled, I honestly don’t know where I would be without Jess, she had helped me arrange everything after the crash, funerals and taxes, bills, and the house. It had, without a doubt, been the hardest thing I had ever had to do. No one should have to bury their parents at the age of 18 and neither Kate nor Andrew had any other family, so it was all left for me to handle. I never begrudged doing it, but even now I think that someone else would have handled it better, I had no idea about bills and debts, taxes and the property market, I had never needed to know, Andrew and Kate had always dealt with things like that, and I messed up more times than I got it right. They sheltered me from it, maybe a little too much looking back, but they had wanted me to have a childhood free from the worries of adult life.

I pulled myself out of those thoughts and shifted on the bed, there was no point in thinking about what ifs and maybes, the past was gone, nothing and no one could give me a do-over. I groaned as the numbers on the clock kept turning, it was never easy getting back to sleep after one of these dreams, partially because I was terrified of closing my eyes but I had to be up in three hours if I wanted to look even half way presentable for class, it was coming up to the end of term and tomorrows lecture was the last one scheduled before we started on review sessions ready for our final exams. This close to finishing my degree, I really couldn’t afford to miss class.

With too much effort I forced my eyes closed, took a deep breath and let my mind wonder over thoughts of school, that was a safe area, no memories or reminders.

When my alarm blared in the morning it felt like I had only managed ten minutes sleep, although I expect it was a couple of hours at least. I dragged myself out of bed, showered, dried my hair and dressed on auto pilot, I was so out of it that I was somewhat surprised when I stepped in front of the mirror that the clothes I wore actually matched. I rubbed a little concealer under my eyes and smeared my lips with a deep red in the hope it would distract from the fact I looked like I hadn’t slept in a week, I grabbed my bag from beside the door, leaving it in the hallway, I made my way to the open plan living room, kitchen area and saw a bleary eyed Jess sat at the breakfast bar, a cup of coffee in one hand and a fresh pot brewing on the back.

“I’m so sorry.” I stated with a wince in way of a greeting.

“Not your fault.” She muttered and at my disbelieving raised brow she continued, “No, it’s really not your fault, Kyle went out with the guy’s last night, he called me twelve times.”

“Seriously?” I asked outraged on her behalf, “Does he not have class?” I asked and she shook her head.

“He’s excused, they have a big game tomorrow that they have to travel for. Although I expect they are suffering today, most of the team was out and they all have to sit on a bus with coach for eight hours.” She huffed a laugh “Serves them right. Pour me another one?” She asked holding out her cup as I poured myself a coffee into my favourite cup. I leant over and topped up Jess’s before adding cream and sugar to mine, I had no idea how she drank it black, it tasted like burnt sludge, it did the way Jess made it at least.

“We should head out, don’t fancy being on the receiving end of the profs pop quiz today.”  She uttered. I grabbed an apple off the counter and left my cup in the sink after swallowing the last bit in one mouthful.

“Is it bad if I say I really don’t want to go to class today?” Jess complained and I shook my head

“I’m with you on that one, what I wouldn’t give to blow off class and spend the day at a spa.”

“Ooh a spa day sounds incredible. We should arrange something during break.” She suggested, suddenly sounding a lot more cheerful, and I had to admit the thought was uplifting.

“Sounds good to me.” I grabbed my bag as Jess picked up the mail and dropped it on the hall table before we headed down to the car.

I swallowed as I sat behind the wheel. Driving still gave me the chills but I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I had an early warning system, before starting up the engine and pulling out into the morning rush hour traffic.

The day seemed to drag on forever and by the time we pulled back into the assigned parking space at our apartment neither of us had the strength to speak let alone move and yet it was only four ‘o’ clock.

“Chinese for diner?” Jess suggested in a whisper, breaking the silence in the car and I nodded, it was that or something that didn’t need cooking I certainly wasn’t going to stand and cook, and Jess looked like she was ready to drop. “Kyle has a lot to answer for.” She grumbled dragging herself out of the car and I followed suit, as much as not moving for the next twelve hours sounded great my bladder was already protesting its need to be emptied and my stomach rumbled at the thought of Hong Kong chicken from my favourite Chinese restaurant.

I dropped my bag on the living room floor and took care of necessities before grabbing a drink and collapsing on the worn sofa. I let my mind wonder, it had been a ridiculously full-on day, three two-hour lectures on property law, contracts and wills and judicial law. None of which were exactly enthralling, and I caught myself almost falling asleep at least three times, something I could not afford to do right now. I was one term away from completing my degree. I stared at my bag, knowing that I should pull out my notes and course books and read up on the days lectures but honestly not knowing if I had the energy.

“You know glaring at it won’t make it go away.” Jess chuckled sitting on the sofa opposite me with her own bag. “I’ll make you a deal. Two hours of study then we stop for dinner and call it a night we’ll find a film and open a bottle of wine.” She said sounding way too cheerful, but I didn’t miss her own frown as she opened her bag. “It’s not exactly the most interesting of topics to be reading up on is it?” She questioned and I huffed a laugh.

“You can say that again.”

The two hours passed surprisingly fast as we sat in almost silence reading through the relevant chapters and marking out areas on my notes that correlated.

In my first week at the university they had paired us all up with someone who was taking the same course we had signed up for, it was like a buddy or mentoring program, it was only for a couple of weeks but our buddies were there to show us around the campuses, get us familiar with the professors and of course were there for us to ask questions of.

I had been buddied up with Melissa Carrington, a third-year law student. I still remember one of the first conversations we had and the advice she gave me at the time, that the first year was the easiest, that was when they taught us the fun stuff, the stuff we wanted to learn. The second year was the most boring, it was the tedious stuff, the things that had you going round in circles and still not having any idea what it all meant. And the third year was the hardest, it was the difficult areas of the law, the loopholes and twists the contradictions and get out clauses.

I had listened to everything she had told me but didn’t expect I would feel the same, after all different people process different information with differing degrees of understanding. I never expected that I would get to the end of my third year and feel exactly the same way she had, third year was a bear.

I set my pen down next to the textbook and stretched out my arms glancing at Jess to see where she was at.

“I’m almost finished with this section, give me two minutes and I’ll order diner.” She stated noting me looking and I packed up my books and stood and stretched. I grabbed my bag and dropped it off in my room and grabbed the mail on my way back into the kitchen, I left anything addressed to Jess on the kitchen counter and frowned at the A4 brown envelope addressed to me.

I slumped back onto the sofa as I tore open the paper letting the contents slip out. There was a letter from a high end solicitors firm that I recognised the name of, and another slightly yellowed and unopened envelope addressed with just my name in an elegant hand writing that was unfamiliar.

With the frown stuck in place as confusion set in, I started reading through the solicitor’s letter. My first indication of where this was from came from the fact that they had used my full birth name, not my adoptive name.

The solicitor had written to inform me that he was hired by my birth parents and that a letter had been left in his possession with instructions to forward it upon my twenty first birthday. That due to my change in name he had had some difficulties locating me and apologised for the delay in getting the letter to me.

Shock overtook the confusion I felt as I finished reading through the typed words, I owned so little that once belonged to my parents that my hands shook as I opened the letter, excited and nervous all at once but the shock of discovering the letter paled in comparison to what I read inside. The looping script that decorated the pages was hard to read but even harder to believe.