Chapter 1

Music sounded through the car’s speakers as I yawned, it was way too early to be awake, Kate sat in the passenger seat, swaying happily and singing off key, her hair swung loose around her shoulders and the smile on her face was infectious as she laughed at Andrews grimace.

It was well known in our small town that Kate Daniels couldn’t carry a tune to save her life, but no one would ever tell her to stop, not once they realised just how happy it made her. She was the kind of woman that sang in the shower, loud enough that the neighbours could hear it, and it truly was an awful noise, but it roused happy memories of my childhood.

Kate’s singing had been one of the few things that made me smile after my parents passed away and I wound up in the foster system. I gazed out of the window, as the thought dragged me into memories of a darker time in my life.

Flames and heat, a scream of pain and someone yelling. An old man on his knees looking me in the eye, “Never tell Alexi, never tell a soul where you came from.” The confused expression of the police officer as I handed him the sealed envelope. The compassion of the elderly lady at the group home. The nightmares that plagued my every sleep. The fear that kept me from speaking, the laughter of the other children the games in the garden, the teacher who smiled at me and the man who stared.

A shiver wracked my body as the memories flashed through my head with rapid succession. I shook off the fear and fought to calm my racing heart, it’s over now, I focused on my mantra, the words that kept me grounded when I couldn’t keep the memories at bay.

A small sigh of relief escaped my lips as I relaxed back into the seat. The flashbacks were getting easier to control. Shorter in frequency and less consistent, the memories I lived through changed from one flash back to the next, although they were no clear now than they had been five years ago. Any memories I may have had as a young child had faded over the years, the flash backs were just about all I had left, and they weren’t exactly comforting.

It was beyond frustrating, not really knowing who I was or where I came from. I knew that I was different, the things that interested my peers held no interest for me and then of course there was the sickness. I shook off the thoughts, I had been given perfectly logical explanations for both of those things.

No one had ever really known where I had come from. The records of my early years had been lost in transit. So when I wound up at the orphanage, at six years old with nothing but a backpack full of clothes and a simple letter, no one had any idea how I had ended up there. There was no record of my early development, of what school I had attended, or if I had any medical issues. The letter had simply stated that my parents had tragically passed away and that I was in need of a permanent placement for care.

Dozens of people had sat with me, people from the orphanage, therapists, police offices and support workers, but I had never said a word about where I came from or what I had seen, I never talked about it with anyone and over the years the few memories I had, had faded, and been forgotten.

Now, twelve years later, I desperately wanted to know where I came from but the few meagre memories I had made no sense to me, and they didn’t answer a single one of my questions.

My childhood was reduced to a handful of fleeting memories, and the necklace that was permanently around my neck.

I twizzled the pendant between my fingers, a movement that was more subconscious than anything, a nervous habit I had picked up when I was lost in thought.     

“Come on Lexi, back me up.” Kate called, the happiness radiating from her voice as she continued wailing along with the music and I huffed a laugh as I shook off the sad thoughts, no matter how bad things had gotten over the years, no matter how lost I became in myself Kate never failed to bring me back, to get me to focus on the good things in life.

With a smile and a nod at Andrews concerned gaze in the rear-view mirror I started singing along with the latest chart topper, I would be okay. Summer was well under way; the sun was shining and in a little under two hours we would be sitting on a beach with the wind blowing away our worries.

The roads were almost empty as we drove through a small town I didn’t recognise, the sidewalks were sparse with the occasional shop owner opening their business for the day, the leaves blew in the breeze and the birds chirped in their nests, it was peaceful, tranquil even. Until it wasn’t.

The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as we left the town, the smile left my face and the words to the song died on my lips. It was the feeling you got right before something bad was going to happen, as though your stomach was tied in knots and doing summersaults.

My eyes scanned everything, but this time there was no beauty in the things I saw, only danger. Everything around us was a danger, the telephone pole, the guard rail, the traffic lights at the junction. I barely noticed Kate stop singing and turn to face me at Andrews worried words. I didn’t hear her ask if I was okay, although I was sure she must have. I expected I was white as a sheet and my hands were definitely shaking as fear coursed through me.

I didn’t say anything, how could I expect they would hear me or understand that the feeling that something bad was going to happen was not just a feeling but a foregone conclusion. I knew it with every fibre of my being, but then I had known it before, several times, and they had listened, then they had sent me to see my psychiatrist again.

They meant well but I knew that no amount of well-meaning would make them understand, a person never sees the dangers that they avoid, they only see the ones that happen.

“Lexi, what is it honey? Talk to me sweetie.” The words broke through, but barely. I glanced at her calm expression, catching sight of my own terrified one in the rear-view mirror behind her. I closed my eyes and let the feeling take hold, it was getting worse, stronger and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“We need to stop. Somethings going to happen.” I whispered but it was now silent in the car and I knew my words were heard clearly. I watched as Kate glanced at Andrew before turning back to me with a compassionate gaze.

“Lexi sweetie, nothing is going to happen. You need to push through this, remember what Dr Morison said? Breathe, slow and deep, try to slow your heart.” I shook my head, they thought I was having a panic attack.

“No, stop! We need to stop. Now please. Please Andrew stop the car. Please stop the car. Just for a minute. Please.” I begged, tears were now flowing freely at the horrifying thought of something happening to the only people in the world that cared for me.

“We might need to pull over here Andrew.” Kate suggested, sounding concerned and I breathed slightly.

“Please.” I pleaded once more.

“I can’t stop here, I’ll pull into the layby. Give me a second.” He uttered sounding frustrated and I bit my lip and held my breath, praying that a second would be fast enough.

The layby was fast approaching, and I eyed it with such intensity that everything else faded from view, none of us saw it coming, Mum was watching me, Dad was watching the road ahead, no one saw the car speed out from behind the trees to our right and by the time the sound of squealing tires draw our attention it was too late to do anything but brace for an impact.

Everything happed so fast, nothing registered, it was like I was watching it happen through someone else’s eyes. Kate screamed in terror, my name on her lips as she was flung sideways into the car door. Andrew’s grunt of pain was almost inaudible over the ear splitting scream of metal on metal, the car flipped and I raised my hands against the roof to stop myself falling as we turned over and over down the embankment into the field below.

“Oh my god Lexi, Lexi hold on honey.” Kate screamed and the words were like fog in my ears, I couldn’t move, my body reacted automatically as I tried not to be sick, I shifted in the seat towards the middle of the car, fighting gravity with every inch without understanding why I was doing it, but the next rotation of the car had the back passenger window smashing against a boulder that jutted into the car and filled part of the space where I had been sitting.

Shock warred with fear, and disbelief that this was happening, the car tumbled down the hill side for what felt like an eternity as everything suddenly seemed to happen in slow motion, but at the same time it happened too fast to react. It was surreal.

Eventually the car stopped with an almighty bang against the hard ground at the bottom of the embankment, I grunted in pain and was thrown against the broken window frame as the car landed precariously on its side, I stared up at the door, wedged at an uncomfortable angle between the seat and the partially collapsed roof and let myself breath, just for a moment, because we were alive.

“Oh my god Lexi are you okay? Kate asked from the front seat, and I grunted more than answered as I moved to an upright position and scraped my arm on the broken glass. Sitting up I glanced at both of my adoptive parents before nodding. “I’m okay.” I stated looking between their banged-up faces, we were all okay I sighed in relief for just a moment before reality set in. It wasn’t over, the feeling was still there, the sickness in my stomach that set my nerves on edge was still ringing through my body, obscured for a minute by the fear and pain but I knew now that it had never gone away, we were still in danger.

“We need to get out of here.” I stated watching as my parents checked each other over for any serious damage.

“She’s right, from the smell of it we cracked open the fuel tank.” Andrew grunted before turning to face me. “Can you climb through there?” He asked pointing to the smashed window of the door above my head.

I nodded and started moving before he had a chance to say anything else, at this point in time the sickness was so strong that it was physically painful, I didn’t need to be told twice.

I used the central armrest of the back seat as a stepping stool and pulled myself out of the window not caring in the slightest that I added more cuts to my collection as I scraped my skin on the jagged edges of the glass, I just needed to get as far away from the car as I could, as fast as humanly possible.

I scrambled over bent and broken metal and dropped down from the car wincing at the pain that shot up my legs, the ground was hard dirt with sporadic rocks and the odd sprig of grass or weed’s, and I looked up at the tilled field that spread out as far as my teary eyes could see, I started walking away from the car, the pain lessening with each step. I vaguely noticed a quad bike in the distance roaring towards us and preyed they would be able to help I stopped moving once the pain and sickness was bearable again and turned to check on Kate and Andrew, but there was no sign of them.

“Mum? Dad?” The words were weak, my voice scratchy and once more I knew what was going to happen before it did, I lifted my foot to take a step closer to the car even knowing it would be in vain, but before I could place my foot down the engine sparked and the car exploded in flames.

A silent scream tore from my throat as I bolted upright in my bed. My heart pounded and tears ran down my cheeks as I struggled to breath. I could still see the flames, feel the heat and smell the rubber burning, like it was happening all over again. The ’freak’ accident that took the lives of my adoptive parents. Not for the first time I wondered what the hell was wrong with me.