Liz did not say anything for a long time. She rolled six blunts, one after another before she finally lit one. She hit it several times before exhaling in a sigh. She stared in the direction Mykel had run."Can I ask what happened?"She listened with alacrity as I explained what happened, leaving out the details of what I had told him."...then he ran out of the room."She nodded. "Kaiden was Mykel's best friend. They grew up together. He was always a shy kid, but very sweet. He was a lot like you. When they were fourteen they began dating. I knew and so did our parents, but that was it."I smiled sadly at the thought of young Mykel, happy and carefree with his first love. I frowned as I waited for what was to come, as I k
He scoffed derisively but nodded, his eyes finally sliding open. His eyes were soft as they bore into mine, but within those honey-wheat eyes held more pain than I had seen in a long time. Fresh and refreshed, a memory and memories from years before, but felt as if it were all happening for the first time.I linked our fingers together and gently pulled him up the stairs and into his room."Come on." I helped him get undressed, directing him in his movements. Movements that were of second nature at this point.I crawled beside him and saw thanks in his eyes that I wasn't going to leave him."It's my fault," he whispered. We had been lying quietly so long, I had thought he had fallen asleep. His arm was wrapped around my midsection, his hand closed into a fist agai
"I've never been in love before, Liz. But, I..." I sighed. "I don't want to be a replacement for what he lost with Kaiden. I don't want him to kiss me and think of him or...anything else. I don't even know how he feels about me at this point, so I've...just...been taking it moment by moment." I looked at her then, my eyes pleading for understanding. "Please don't tell him, Liz."She smiled lightly and kissed my temple. "I won't, Mattie."When we pulled into the parking lot of the Cooke County Mall, I stared at the entrance in an anxious haze."You okay there? Did your sails lose their wind?" She chuckled to herself at the joke."I just...I don't have any idea what I could even possibly begin looking for as a gift. I'm looking for a needle in a haystack large as Texas."
He smiled again, though lighter, not reaching his eyes. "When I was a kid I had this book. I saw a program where they were doing a documentary about her and in it, they recited some of her poems. I fell in love with her work. It...touched me somehow."I would sit and read it over and over again. There was a tree that provided a lot of shade in the play yard. I'd sit and read it there while the other kids played sports."That's how I met Kaiden, actually. I was reading it and some older kids started picking on me for it. I was small for my age. I didn't hit a decent growth spurt until I was about sixteen. Anyway, they grabbed my book from me and started making fun of me and it as they shredded it. Kaiden came, being the martial artist that he was, even in third grade...he, uh, came to my rescue. He gathered all the pages that were strewn across the ground and took me to
His feelings for me were growing deeper and for the first time since Kaiden's death, he had an interest in more than a one-night stand. I gave way to the thought that that's possibly why he didn't look at me.I was a reminder that he was alive, that his first love wasn't, and he was beginning to move on.Subconsciously, as he began the process of life and living, and as he started falling in love, he was hanging on tooth and nail to the promise of a devotion that had died six years before.Once everything was smoked, we collectively stood and made our way back to the house. The temperature was dropping and while Liz and I had had the presence of mind to put on a jacket, Mykel had not. We entered the house, quiet and morose, shrouded in grief, and the darkness of the past.
"I was wondering if you could maybe, um, t-take me to the m-m-mall? I, uh, I want to get something for Mykel. I want to maybe cheer him up."Through the whole stuttering mess of my supplication, I disconnected and reestablished eye contact several times. She said nothing about this. She told me it was progress. At the time she said this she pointed out that in the last few weeks I had made eye contact with her more times than in the three years she had known me.I could not argue with this logic. Nor did I try to, as I saw the truth in this.Liz smiled, settling her palm smoothly against my face and kissed my forehead. "I wouldn't mind in the least, sweet cheeks. What did you have in mind?"I stopped, a chair mid-way up to be placed on the table. I lowered my arms
I raced into the store and made my purchase, my heart beating in both titillation and anticipation.When we got home Mykel wasn't there yet, not yet done with overseeing the transformation of his shop into his own, private vision."You wanna help me make dinner? Mykel won't be home for a bit, it might distract you enough until he gets home."I nodded following her into the kitchen. For the last several weeks Liz had been teaching me to cook. I had never learned and had survived off of delivery pizzas and whatever I could microwave."Liz?" I asked as I set the butter next to the raw chicken she had just placed in the skillet. I took a deep breath, fortifying my will, my heart pounding in a different kind of titillation and anticipation.
By the time Tuesday night rolled around, Mykel's depression of the following day's anniversary had set firmly.Unlike he had the previous week, or even the previous night, when he came home he was devoid of any smile, any jovial moods, and to say he was laconic that night was to say he was talking too much.We heard him open the front door, Liz and I, engaged as we were in our nightly cooking lesson. We each gave pause, her mid-instruction, myself in mid-application, and we shared a glance at one another.We had earlier discussed our theories on how tonight was going to turn out. Liz had more of a hypothesis than I, being as how she'd been there each of the five years previous.He came into the kitchen, as customary, and grabbed a drink before turning to Liz.