I watched him take a deep drag off the marijuana and hold the hit, his eyes squinted against the smoke that rolled upward along his face. He exhaled and looked at me. He looked the slightest bit calmer. His eyes had dried, though the clouds were still present."I've been battling myself that this is a means to an end," he began hoarsely. "I mean I don't want it to be. I want to fight through this together like you said. Get through it together, like you said." He paused and flicked the ash into the ashtray between us. He rocked nervously; just slightly. He made a sound of frustration deep in his throat. "Hey," I set my hands along his things and he looked at me. "Easy. Take a breath. There's no rush here. Gather your thoughts and when you're ready speak." Halfthe blunt was gone before he started speaking. I left one of my hands against
The street was empty this early in the morning. At these just post-sunrise moments of the day where most are still sleeping, or still at their homes getting ready for the day's agenda to play out, I walked the sidewalk as the day got brighter.I kept my head firmly down, watching my feet slowly trespass the sidewalk that led me to my work.The air was cool, brisk with impending winter. The wind picked up and I saw the evidence of the chill displayed in gooseflesh up my arms.I didn't bother putting on a coat this morning. I wish I could feel the cold enough for it to make a difference. I sigh and shake off those thoughts as I walk into my workplace.The warm air hit me as I heard the chime over the door ding as I walked in.The chairs had already been set to the floor and I could smell the coffee brewing and the pastries baking."Mattie, did you walk here wit
Was it really seven o'clock? I asked her. She smiled sadly and nodded. I felt wretched. Three hours? It didn't feel like three hours.Liz noticed I'd stopped and was no longer following behind. She turned with a questioning look on her face. I had been in her office acting like a baby for three hours of my shift. I felt like I had robbed her somehow."You don't have to pay me for the last three hours. I-I don't deserve it." Even as I said it I started to panic. If I didn't get a full check, I would be short on rent this month. The alternative to making quick cash left a sour taste in my mouth. It was something I never wanted to go back to."Hey, don't worry about it. I'm not going to dock your pay. Come on, honey, let's go."I took a calming breath. "Where are we going?" I asked as she took my hand."My place. I don't think you should be alone tonight."I wan
"He's got the same look in his eyes as Kaiden did. That same...lost and terrified look. I know you've seen it, too. Regardless of whatever emotional involvement I allow myself to fall into, it is my burden to carry, but I'll be goddamned if I'm not going to try. And I know you see it."I know you care about him, too, or you wouldn't have brought him here. I've lived here for three months, Liz, and he's the first person you've ever brought here."There was silence for a moment before I saw Liz wipe at her eyes and pinch the bridge of her nose."Mykel, I love you. If you remember, too, I paid for his funeral. And if you remember, he was just as much a little brother to me as you are. And damn it, Mykee, I remember what his death did to you. I remember...and I know if you fall in love with him and he succumbs to the same end, if we can't reach him...you can't survive that again, can you? And goddamn it all, I don't want to
The last few days have been interesting, to say the least. After that first night of staying at Liz's, the bond between us had immeasurably fortified.After I had announced that small confession she pulled me into a tight hug, one that told me, as did the words following, that it would have been an honor to have a son such as me.I didn't know if I completely believed her, but my inner child wept at the admission."Mattie," she said to me as we sat on that same porch swing.I looked from the pond, my attention was drawn to her voice and away from the swimming turtle that had been journeying its way across the expanse of the water. The sun was fading and shadows were plenty, but it was not completely dark."W
When I woke I was being placed in the bed I had been tenanting the last few days. I tensed up in his arms, reaffirming my hold of him. He straightened and sat with me in his lap.He kissed the top of my head. "What is it, mon bonheur?"I smiled slightly. I didn't know what he'd said, but the way he said it...it...how do I articulate it properly...? It made me feel like I might matter. My heart fluttered as his lips contacted against my temple."Don't leave me. Please. Please, don't leave me." The desperation I felt at that moment transcended into my tone, and I felt it rolling off of me in waves. Mykel felt it, too."Come on, then. It's late." He patted my side where his hand rested and I crawled off of him onto the cold bed. I felt the loss of his heat instantly and I
He hadn't made a move toward the tub, his hand still trapped completely in mine. His touch gave me peace, a spark of hope among the chaos. For so many years I wondered why I had to suffer through it.It never occurred to me to try and kill myself. Not out of some religious sense, I was brought up as nothing. I had nothing. I was nothing. I always just assumed someone else would do it for me."Mykel," I heard myself say in a breathy pant."Trust me. I won't let anything happen. You're not restricted or restrained. I'm not forcing you. Any time you can walk away."In a way he was right. In a way he was wrong. I was rooted to the spot. My eyes were drawn to the tap and I couldn't breathe."Mattie," Mykel steppe
It was early morning on a Saturday. Mykel had to leave proceeding breakfast that morning to go sign the papers in order to gain the space with which to open his new tattoo shop.Liz was up with the sun, already having a pot of coffee brewing when Mykel and I dragged our half-dead carcasses down the stairs.Liz is and always has been a regular early riser, much to the opposite effect of her younger, though much bigger brother.We enjoyed a jovial breakfast together that Liz had been preparing, being the early bird she is when we came downstairs that morning.Things had been...I'm not quite sure really...restive and the unquiet anxiety that was building between Mykel and me was becoming insurmountable. While he laughed during breakfast, I saw the small glances