Chapter 1

Eli

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I let myself sink entirely into the sensation of his cock sliding in and out of me, my eyes running down his face, tracing his sharp green eyes, his chiseled jaw, and his…lips. 

Something surged through me—something I’d had been holding back since I was in high school. The need to kiss him.

Audacity, stupidity, maybe both. I threw my hands around his neck, and leaned in, daring to kiss him.

A sharp frown crossed his face. “What are you trying to do? I thought I told you not to.” His voice sharp enough to stab my heart.

Before I could answer, John flipped me over, my stomach pressing into the mattress.

A faint wince escaped me as he shoved my head into the pillow.

Pleasure evaporated. Only a frustrating ache, and the reminder that there were two things so far out of my reach—happiness, and John's lips.

When he finished, he rolled off me, his chest heaving with satisfaction. While I? I felt dirty…that’s always what sex felt like. 

I had told myself it was the way his cum trickled down my thighs. But the dirt felt beneath my skin, not on it, and the emptiness came from a place I could never fill no matter how close I got.

I dragged myself out of bed and headed into the bathroom. The mirror stared at me first, and I stared back. Broad shoulders, sharp jaw, eyes, brown, too sharp to be an omega.

Alphas didn’t like omegas that looked like me. That had my strong features.

A fleeting thought. Maybe I should confess to him, tell him I love him.

Then I remembered his words two years ago. When I had asked what I meant to him, he had said with a face like mine, that I’m lucky we’re fucking, at least I meant something to him.

But he was drunk. Maybe he didn't mean it.

I gripped the rim of the sink, knuckles whitening.  

If only I were soft-looking like other Omegas, maybe he’d want me the way I wanted him. Maybe he’d want to kiss me.

I shook my head, trying to banish the thought of clawing my face.  After washing up, I wrapped the robe around me and left the bathroom.

John stood before me, naked. My eyes skimmed over him, his broad chest, chiseled abs, and his narrow waist.

My eyes fell to the long scar that ran across his palm.

“You’ve not been sleeping well.” His voice was sharp, distant. “Is it because your father…” 

I flinched, a rancid taste—one only my father could stir—coated my tongue.

“…is coming out of prison?”

I didn’t respond, just pulled away from his warm presence that somehow felt cold.

“When is he coming out?” 

“In the next three months,” I said, dropping onto the chair in my dorm room.

Watching him slip into his clothes, I asked, my voice quiet. “Are you leaving…so soon?”

Typical John. He was like the wind, something I could never hold.

“Yes.” John paused. Hesitant, he said, “I have something to discuss with you.”

My stomach clenched.

“I found a way to get us back into the Art competition,” he said.

John and I had a plan in high school. Both of us going into an Art major, painting side by side. But after the incident, he was told he would never be able to paint well. So I started painting for him, letting my own dreams slip into the background. 

I didn’t regret it in a way, I was still living the dream. Just not in the way I’d imagined.

My eyes sparked. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But you’re going to have sex with someone.”

Everything stopped. Heart, breath, brain. The words just couldn’t sound right no matter how I turned them.

John sat beside me. “Think about it,” he said, “We really need to win the money. Your mother’s medical bills….”

I swallowed hard. I was working three jobs, scraping every dollar I could. But it was never enough. John had always filled the gaps. 

John’s voice dropped. “We’re in our finals. If we win the money, we could fly outside the country. You and I. On a beach. Faraway from your father—and mine. Don’t you want that?” His gaze pinned me. “You have to do it, it’s for our future.”

A place where my father couldn’t reach me, a place with just me and John, it sounded nice. Maybe then I’ll truly be happy.

With a tight chest, I asked. “Who…who am I supposed to sleep with?”

“Zane Harrington.”

The name alone made something in me curl.

“Captain of the hockey team?” My eyes blew wide. “I thought he had a girlfriend. He’s into men?”

John flashed a soft smile. “I guess he wants to explore.”

My brain still glitched. The swimming team and hockey team had been at war for as long as I could remember. Those cocky bastards always looked down on any sport that didn’t involve smashing people into rinks.

John and Zane being Alphas and captains of both teams carried the enmity on their shoulders.

I shot John a sharp look. “When did you and Zane get close enough to strike deals?” 

He shrugged like it was nothing. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” 

“But why me?” I asked. “Does he think I’m that fucking monkey from Dora the Explorer, here to guide him through his gay exploration?”

Every time there was tension between both teams, between John and Zane, I was always there, barking louder than John.  Assistant Captain or not, it was my job to back up John.

John’s lips curved into a twisted smile. “That makes it all the fun.”

A shiver crawled up my spine. Almost like he meant, Zane fucking me, feeling me squirm, could give Zane a taste of victory over me.

John continued. “It’s a one-time thing. And after graduation, you’ll never have to see him again.”

I had always thought leaving my hometown and coming to Michigan would let me forget my past. That somehow a new city, a new campus would free us—John and me. But no matter where we were in this country, we still felt like we were in a cage.

Even though happiness wasn’t mine to have, this was the only chance I had at it.

“Alright,” I said, the knots in my stomach growing heavier.

John smiled, and patted my head. Something he did when I went his way. 

My heart thudded, flames burning my veins for such a little act.

He jerked up. “I’ll send you his location by 9 pm.”

John got to the door, and then he turned around. “One more thing.” He added. “Take your pheromone suppressors. He shouldn’t find out you’re an omega—he doesn’t like them.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

Aside from John and my roommate, everyone else—course mates, team mates—they all thought I was a beta. 

After being bullied all my life for looking like a beta, I decided to live as one.

The door clicked shut, and I’m left alone with the dread.

I told myself to breathe.  It was just sex, nothing I couldn’t handle. Even though I’d never let anyone that wasn’t John touch me. 

My eyes drifted to the clock—8 a.m.

Thirteen hours until I meet Zane Harrington.