Chapter Eight

At seven o’clock Saturday morning, a very tired Melanie met her girlfriend in front of the Center Bakery, which was located, not coincidently on Center Street, one of the two main streets that ran through the heart of Abbeyville. The other, of course, was Main Street.

Melanie was astonished at how rundown her hometown had become since the last time she had visited. Katie had told her that a number of farms in the area had failed and families were moving to Minneapolis or Duluth, leaving much of the town with boarded up windows and empty parking lots. The biggest hit the town had taken was when Jack moved the Gaynes Corporation headquarters to Makato shortly after his father died. Once the plant shut down, the next biggest employer closest to Abbeyville was the Minnesota state correction facility in Moose Lake.

After Minnesota legalized Indian gambling, James had tried to convince his fellow city council members that having a casino in town would bring in much needed revenue. For a time the idea sparked some interest in investors, several of whom were responsible for renovating the now luxurious Abbeyville Hilton, but Katie told Mel that once James left for the capital, enthusiasm for the casino project all but vanished, and now she didn't think that the town would ever return to what it once was. It was a shame, Melanie thought,  that memories would be the only things left of a once thriving community.

 As soon as they opened the bakery door, smells of freshly baked bread and donuts ignited those very memories in the minds of both women. Katie recalled neighbors bringing warm rolls to Sunday breakfast before church, and the many joyous celebrations shared over exquisitely decorated cakes. For Melanie, the aroma reminded her of the more turbulent time when the neighbors brought those same breads and rolls to her family's home the day they received word her brother was not returning from his tour of duty in Vietnam.

Melanie forced the painful mental images from her mind. They entered the bakery in time to see Don and Stuart emerge from behind the counter. The men greeted the women warmly, handing each of them a blueberry muffin, and indicated they should follow them into the back.

"Ladies, what we're about to show you, you will not be able to reveal to anyone. Not even your husband, Katie," Don said.

"Don, I'm not in the habit of keeping secrets from James. We were up late last night after he came back from the hospital. He looked fine, just really tired. He was still sleeping when I left this morning, or else I'm not sure I would have been able to do this. I just have to remember to bring him some coffee buns since that's the excuse I'll use when I get home."

Katie was starting to become irritated. She still had a great deal to do before the reunion banquet that evening and she wasn't totally convinced that Don and Stuart were telling the truth. Until they reached the back of the bakery.

"So, this is where they make all that great stuff," Melanie said, looking around at the huge mixers and cake decorating tables. "Ya know, L.A. has some great food, but nothing that ever comes close to home. Look at those bags of flour, they must be piled ten feet high."

"Looks can be deceiving," Stuart said as he raised the label on one of the flour bags, to reveal an electronic key pad beneath. He pressed several buttons and an entire row of flour bags slid to the side revealing a hidden elevator.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Melanie said. "How long has that been there?" She asked.

"U.N.C.L.E.'s Midwest headquarters has been here since the mid-sixties. This was built during the Cuban Missile crises. If you ladies would please follow us."

Don and Stuart stepped into what appeared to be an elevator. Once the women joined them, Don pressed the button and they watched as the elevator door, or in this case, the fake stack of flower bags, closed.

"Now, are you convinced that we're telling the truth, Katie?" Stuart said.

"I'm starting to, but you'll have to do a lot better than fake bags of flour," Katie said. "Mel, you've been rather quiet, what do you think about all of this?"

"It's pretty impressive, but I still have no idea what you expect us to do," Melanie said. "We're so not in high school anymore. Hell, I'm going to be fifty years old in a couple of years. Don't you think we're a bit too old to be playing spies?"

"Didn't you hear? Fifty is the new thirty." Don smiled, then became more serious. "Mel, if we were only playing a game, I'd agree. Unfortunately it's anything but. C'mon, ladies, we're here."

The elevator stopped and the four exited into an ultra modern office suite. The receptionist handed Don and Stuart yellow triangular badges, the women received red ones.

"These will give you access to the entire operation," she said. "You are now official temporary agents of the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement. We have a great deal to do and not a lot of time, so if you'll follow the boys, we'll get started."

"Sure, we'll follow the boys." Melanie giggled.

The women walked with Don and Stuart as they passed several thick mahogany doors with only gold numbers embedded into the center.

"Don't let the opulent looks fool you, ladies. These office doors are bullet-proof and enforced against nearly all types of explosives."

"That's reassuring," said Katie.

"It's the nearly I'm concerned with." Melanie said.

Don laughed and continued with the tour.

"Each number signifies a different section of the operation," He pointed out each door as they walked by. "Section 1, Policy and Operations, where the assignments are handed out. You already know Stu and I work in section 2,as do all senior agents, Operations and Enforcement. Section 3 is Enforcement and Intelligence where the junior field agents begin their assignments after they've completed their training. You'll be working in Section 4, Katie, Intelligence and Communications, where all the computers are located and Melanie will be in Section 5 Communications and Security."

"Let me guess, that's where you keep the communication devices, like telephones."

Mel was beginning to feel that Don was being a bit patronizing.

"Among other things, like our satellites, cell towers, and covert listening devices," Don continued, unfazed. "Section 6, Security and Personnel. It's also the medical section that handles injuries, and Section 7, Public Relations."

"It used to be called Public Relations and Propaganda," Stuart added, "But after the cold war ended there was no need for that department."

"And what, exactly does your public relations department do in a highly secret organization?" Melanie asked.

"They do their best to keep it that way. We have a great team of very imaginative people who can come up with an alibi and plausible explanation for just about any situation."

"If they ever wanted to change jobs, I'm sure there are many openings for their talents at the state capital," Katie said.

"Or Washington!" Mel added.

"I'm sure some of those politicians could also use Section 8, Deception and Camouflage," Stuart joked.

"You got that right, just ask Mark Sanford or John Edwards," Katie laughed.

"U.N.C.L.E. doesn't get involved with political or personal scandals," Stuart said. "If we did, we'd need around five hundred more agents."

"At least." said Don. "Ok ladies, now that the official tour is over, we'll begin the briefing."

Don opened the door marked 1 and the women followed him and Stuart into a conference room where, just like the television show, there was a huge round table in the middle of the room. On the table were several files, and other items the women recognized, especially the guns.

"Hey, is this what I think it is?" Katie picked up a thin silver pen.

"Yes, that's a real communicator pen. Cell phones are too much of a security risk, and shoe phones are just not practical. That was a joke, ladies."

"We still use the cigarette case communicator, but not too many of our agents carry them since no one really smokes anymore," Stuart added.

"Really?" Melanie took out her own cigarette case, opened it offered one to Don.

"No, thanks, Mel. I gave them up years ago, they're bad for your health."

"Oh, and having people shoot at you isn't?" Melanie returned the cigarette case to her purse. "I don't really smoke, either, unless I'm really stressed, like now."

"Well, just for you, take this," Stuart said.

He handed Melanie an innocent looking silver case, then slid over a latch, exposing the electronics on the inside.

"This is the transmitter."

Stuart pressed a button and it lit up a small opening in the top.

 "It even has a built-in lighter, and if you need it, the cover pulls off and becomes a very sharp blade, so be careful."

"I'm looking at major weapons here, and you're concerned about a little knife? Nice."

Melanie took the case from Stuart.

Don handed the women each a pen then showed them how to activate it by twisting the middle and raising the antenna.

"When the communicator is on, the light in the antenna will flash," he said, "Once the pen is activated, just say open channel D, tell the operator your code names, Melanie yours is M9, Katie your is K..."

"Don, don't you dare tell me that my code name is K9!" Katie remarked.

"No, Katie, U.N.C.L.E. doesn't have that kind of sense of humor. Yours is K.C., like when we were in high school," Stuart said.

"Oh NO, Stu. I'd rather have K9," Katie said.

"Don't worry, Katie. If everything goes according to plan, neither one of you will have to use the pen or your code name, but you should both put the U.N.C.L.E. emergency phone number on speed dial just in case."

The women entered the numbers into their address book. Answering their question before they asked, Don said, "We don't give out agents' private numbers since cell tower signals can be very easily monitored. The transmitters in these babies are linked only to our satellite. The signal is so strong that it can penetrate concrete and steel from a mile below ground. Not that I'd ever want to test that theory," he said.

"All of this equipment is top secret, so you both have to swear not to use them in front of anyone."

"We understand."

"No, I don't think you do. You have to swear, literally." Don handed them each a three-by-five-card. "Just read the oath written on the back. It's short, but it's legally binding."

"Like my marriage vows?" Melanie said, "We all know how those worked out."

"Yes, but in this case should you break your vows, someone will probably break your neck. Katie, if you don't think you can keep this from James, then walk away now."

"Is my being part of this really that important?" Katie asked.

"If it wasn't, we wouldn't have asked you to join us. We found out that Wyatt's plan is going down Sunday and there isn't any time to train another agent."

"Sunday? This Sunday? How are we supposed to get this done by tomorrow? I have a reunion banquet to run tonight!" Katie was becoming hysterical. "Not to mention the reunion brunch after church."

"Relax, Katie," Stuart said. "If everything goes according to plan, and we have no reason to suspect it won't, you'll be out of here in time for the second morning mass at ten a.m. and plenty of time to make your reunion brunch."

"And just what role am I supposed to play in all of this? I'm no computer whiz." Melanie said.

"No, we need Katie for that. Your skills lie in other areas," Don started.

"Hey, just wait a damn minute there, bud," Melanie protested.

"That's not what I meant, Mel," Don smiled. "First, take the oath, then we'll go over the plan in detail."

The women didn't need to read the words on the card, they both had them committed to memory. They were the exact same words they had James recite in Melanie's basement all those years ago. As soon as they had finished the oath, the lights went out and a screen appeared on the back wall.

"Please take a seat, ladies, the show is about to start. Sorry we don't have any popcorn," Don smiled.

Although she was feeling a bit apprehensive, Melanie couldn't help also feeling a certain comfortable warmth generating from his smile.

After everyone was seated, Stuart hit a switch on the console and a schematic of Abbeyville high school appeared on the screen. The classrooms were color coded and labeled with various organizational specialties.

"As I mentioned, U.N.C.L.E. was located in small towns all over the U.S. Contrary to the television show, we purposely avoided major cities like New York or Los Angeles, because they would be obvious targets, so we set up operations in places that no one would suspect," Don began.

"Abbeyville was certainly a town no one would notice," Melanie said.

"Right. The best place for our operatives to hide in plain sight was right here at our high school," Stuart continued. He hit the switch again and a series of faces appeared in an organization flowchart.

"There are the U.N.C.L.E. field agents. The man at the very top of the chart is Joshua Lawrence. He's the head of this division."

"I see you and Stuart's faces are on the second level. That's pretty high up on the food chain, isn't it?" Melanie asked.

"When you've been doing this as long as we have..." Stuart said.

"And if you're still alive..." Don added.

"And if you're still alive," Stuart echoed. "The higher up on the level, the more security clearance you have. It took us more than twenty years to reach the top tier."

"And we lost a lot of good men and women on the way, but it's not a good idea to dwell on that right now. I'm sure you recognize some of the faces on the lower tiers."

 "I think you both remember these people from our high school days," Stuart said as several faces appeared on the screen. "Vince Alessio, our gym teacher was a martial arts expert. David Williams, the sixties hippy, walked with a limp from a wound he'd received stopping a bombing while working undercover with the SDS."

Another photo appeared on the screen.

"Chemistry teacher Martin DeGatto, you can probably figure out he was our bio weapons expert."

"I sure remember Doc. He was such a hunk. I think every girl in school had a crush on him," Melanie said. "I also remember the guy in the photo underneath. He was our English teacher, Anthony Croitz. We heard he was killed in a weird car accident."

"Yes, it was weird, but it wasn't an accident. Tony had just decoded a transmission and was on his way to headquarters to deliver it when T.H.R.U.S.H. hit his car with a heat sensor missile."

"Wow. I'm stunned." Katie said.

"And of course one of our first female agents back in the 80's, Gayle McGee. She was working at the radio station when she was killed by a T.H.R.U.S.H. agent who she found out was trafficking drugs for a record producer and laundering the money through the radio station's chief engineer."

"Everyone thought she fell out of her apartment window." Melanie said.

"Yes, that was the cover story," Don turned on the lights. "Now, we come to why we're here. Or, more important, why the two of you are here."

"Other than the fact we're two old broads from Minnesota who used to play spies and we work cheap?"

"Speak for yourself, Katie," Melanie said. "I'll have you know I get paid... well, never mind what I get paid. Go on, Don. Why exactly does an international organization of professional spies need us?"

"Well, for one thing, we are an organization of professional spies, as you so eloquently put it, which is why no one from our agency has been able to get close enough to the head of T.H.R.U.S.H. to take any significant action." Stuart replied.

"As we told you, Wyatt is extremely suspicious of strangers. Even one of our best operatives, Cheryl, didn't last through one night. It would take months for one of us to get close enough to be effective, and we don't have that kind of time."

"What we do know about Wyatt is that he wouldn't have the same security in place for a couple of women he grew up with. Especially if one of them was a nice church-going PTA mom."

"Thanks a lot, Stu," Katie said, indignantly.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Katie."

Don felt a bit of resentment in Katie's voice and wanted to make it disappear as quickly as possible. There was a great deal to do, and not very much time to get it all done. Stuart unintentionally insulting Katie wasn't the real issue. It was Melanie's role in the mission which Don had to be very careful to explain. He decided to use as few words as possible.

"And the other was someone who Wyatt had, at one time, been romantically involved," he said.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Melanie said. "I don't consider what we had, or rather didn't have, exactly a romantic involvement. It was more like a train wreck."

"Nonetheless, as Stu said, you two are the last people Wyatt would ever expect to be U.N.C.L.E. agents. Our Intel discovered that he called a meeting of his top operatives that will take place tomorrow night. If our plans are successful we'll finally be able to put him, and his entire organization away for a very long time. Ladies, I think you both know the number one man at the head of the new T.H.R.U.S.H. organization."

The lights went out once again, and on the screen appeared the smiling face of Wyatt Gaynes.