| Outgrow |
We live life the way we want it to be. The way how it uses to be. We want it to be wonderful as it is. But we know that we can’t make it perfect.Life always offers us the best, it’s just how we handle it. I know God always has a purpose for everyone. And I know he will not give us problems if we can’t surpass them.As time goes by, my heart started to outgrow feelings that I never imagine that I would feel—the feeling of being in love.Indeed, we can’t talk over something that we can’t stand.My school performances were fine, but this feeling… it’s not.I always ask myself, how did this happen? Why that fast?I fear.I fear because I’m not certain about it and I’m not ready for it.I fear being left in the dark, confused about what to do.I fear being rejected.| The Kiss |Friday night, the cold breeze hugged me as I stepped out of the café. The trees shaded some part of the streets as their shadows reflect on it. I put my two hands on the side pocket of my jacket. Winter is fastly approaching. I began to walk.Linus and I have different end shifts. His out is every six in the evening, while I go home every seven, and sometimes it is eight.I sighed. Linus again? Until when would I forget that name.As I walk slowly, I look up in the sky. Stars are twinkling at me with light, mischievously squinting, and saying hello to me. They are like a sly pearl that adorns that dark blue sky and is no less inferior to the bright moon. The night’s aroma pervades the air, covering all the scenery inside. It is not as realistic as it is during the day. The air is filled with sweltering moisture, like a fog. The light from the lamppost is like a night of pearls gilled with
| Do Consider |The next day, I woke up with swollen eyes and I regretted crying last night. Seems like I need to conceal it before going to work. Lazily, I got off of my ass on my bed.Reina grabs her early breakfast with her new set of friends. Well, they have a group project to work on.As much as I want to stay here all day to avoid Linus, but I can't, because I have work.I remind myself that I don't need to be affected by the things that happened last night. If he tries to talk to me. I will allow him. We need to clear things out.Reina was right. If I continue to avoid it, nothing will happen—we can't solve the problems between us. I think I'm not ready for that.I hope he will get absent today. I overheard him and his friend the other day, saying that they have to undergo training this weekend, in preparation for their fight next week.My memories were still clear about
| The Confession |WE decided to talk in the park near the library. Linus is famous and I don’t want to risk my image nor my reputation being ruined by his fans.This is the only park I know that is far from the dorms and establishments. Sometimes we go here during our free time. Nena found this place.I sat on the bench, and he sat on the other side.I’ve heard his deep sigh as if he’s nervous or what, but I didn’t take a glimpse. I look up in the sky. It was dark and shady. The night is getting deep as the moon shines fully. It was just half but it was bright and beautiful. The stars that surround it were shimmering, it looks like crystals when they first occupy with the light. It seems like they’re giving me hope every day. If I can see them twinkling, there’s always be hope for everything.Back to my thoughts, I will not let myself denying again what I truly feel
| The Coffee |How would I know that he will take the courting seriously? He said he will court me in private. That no one will know or notice. I don’t know if I will believe him, but how would I know if he’s sincere if I won’t let him?Another day had passed, and it seems like he’s doing nothing. Well, he’s absent yesterday and the other day. I know he’s busy, and I won’t let myself be the one who makes a move even if I want to and misses him—yes, I miss him. Until the time when I accepted my feelings, it seems like my day is not complete if I don’t see him. Weird as it sounds but it is how I feel.Monday morning, Reina told me that Linus sees her at the north wing, and he asked for my number. Knowing Reina, of course, she gave it. And now, I’m like a fool waiting for a text or call.I don’t usually use my phone not unless it was my parents or Reina
| The Quiz |Does kissing a part of courting? I know it was just a smack, but it was still a KISS. And how dare he to kiss me. We’re not into a relationship yet. ‘Yet?’ asked the corner of my mind. ‘So, you want him to be your boyfriend?’ a thought that echoed inside my head.Damn! how can I sleep when he keeps on making my mind haywire? Reina on the other side was already snoring and me… I’m still wide awake. I don’t know but I just keep on rolling in my small bed, trying to forget what just happened a while ago. But I can’t. It seems like the thought doesn’t want to vanish.That jerk! He will see you tomorrow! He will regret what he did.I was awakened by a small pinch in my cheek, as I open my eyes, I saw Reina. “Rise and shine, Becca. Does Linus didn’t make you sleep? Seems you sleep late last night, huh?”“What ti
| Officially On | I don’t want to doubt his confession to me. But I can’t stop myself not to worry about when this courtship will last. If I will accept him now, should it be worth it? Isn’t that too fast? But isn’t that it’s the relationship that matters the most than the courtship? If I will not give it a try, how will I know that he is sincere pursuing me? And even if we’re already in a relationship, he can still court me. I remember what my mother said when I was in junior high school. ‘If a man loves you, he will do everything to make your relationship works. And if you were in the stage that it seems like one of you is falling out of love, try to talk about it and as much as possible, fix it. And if one of you can’t hold it anymore, then maybe he’s not meant for you.’ And I think I can’t find it out when I will not give a chance to myself to experience how to be love and how to love someone. Ms. Dory is finally back, and I talk to her i
| First Date |The next day, the weather seems not fine—it’s windy. The sun was covered by those thick, silvery clouds. The trees were swaying as the leaves fall from them. It’s colder than the other day. I did my daily routine and this time; Reina woke up early and we both grabbed our breakfast at the café.Greeted by the wind-cold breeze, I smiled at Linus who was outside the café waiting for us to finish our food. We’re classmates in Lit and there’s nothing wrong about it if he waits for me. But Reina keeps on teasing us, and it could catch attention from others. Thus, I needed to shove her away and thank goodness, she parts ways and walks in a different direction.Linus and I continued to walk, keeping our distance, pretending on discussing our upcoming examination in Lit.“Do you want to watch me fight on Friday?” suddenly, he asked.I opened
| She Initiated |Friday night is the day of his fight. Nena, Reina, and I decided to watch the fight together. Waiting for Nena to come out of her dorm, I peeked on my phone. But to my dismay, I didn’t receive any text from him. Though, we already talked about this yesterday. And I know he’s busy preparing, so, I will understand.“Gosh, how long with your friend took showering, Becca? It’s almost eight-thirty,” Reina grumbled as she keeps on texting on her phone.“Will you and Bill hang out this break?” I asked as I kicked the small stone in front of my left foot.“Yeah. We have already talked about it. We will visit his grandma and of course, went on a date,” she said, seems happy about it.“I will ask Linus if he wants to visit our hometown,” I said and shocked registered on her face.“Wait? What? You will ask Linus