*** Trigger Warning*** This chapter talks about a suic*de attempt and self-harming. CRYSTALWhen Jonah left from my window, I sat back against the wall with tears rolling down my face and grabbed my bottle of anti-depressant medication, and took 4 of them at once. I closed my eyes and tried to picture my mom holding me when I was a kid but I couldn't. I kept seeing his face and hearing him in my head admit everything, hurt so much more than the night he told me. I took another pill and picked up my pocket knife and cut another line into my wrist then another. I was done with all the pain I have had to go through in my life. I didn't want to live anymore. I cut a couple more lines on my wrist and then everything went black. All of a sudden I could hear people talking but couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't speak. I felt like I was choking on something. I was choking on my own vomit. I heard someone telling me it was ok and to relax but I was freaking out. I finally opened my eyes
BROOKSWhen we left the hospital, Jonah looked at me and said, “What in the hell did you do to my friend Brooks? What happened before you called me and told me to go to her window? Don't say nothing, because your hand is fractured and she is in the hospital with bandages on her wrist and talking about anti-depressants, and before you say it, YES I know what they are." I looked at my 14-year-old brother and said when in the hell did you become so grown? He said, “I kind of had to grow up because I have a dumbass brother like you, who likes to share details on the girls he has slept with and doesn't know how to deal with his mistakes so he comes to me." I said Jonah watch your mouth. He laughed and said, “Why? It was ok for you to curse at my age. Why should I watch what I say? It's not like I am cursing mom out like you did. I am more mature than most 14-year-old boys and believe I have the right to act like an adult because you sure as hell don't." I said text mom and let her kn
CRYSTAL I finally get to go home today. I have missed my comfy bed and I have actually missed school. I know I can't go back until next week but I can't wait. I need a distraction from Brooks and I know all the other crap I deal with, will take my mind off of it for a little while. I am still pissed at him and I need him to know I was taking pain meds and that's the only reason I was being nice. Now that I have the IV out and the meds have worn off I am back to wanting to cut his d*ck off for hurting me. The shrink, Dr. Gunn is coming back in, in a few minutes to talk to me again before he signs my release papers and I am going to tell him the same answers I said yesterday. I am not mentally unstable and I want out of this place. I hate hospitals. Brooks has texted me 7 times since I got up and one text last night after I fell asleep. I kind of regret calling him but I was also kind of out of it. I was sitting up in my bed when Dr. Gunn knocked on the door. I told him to come in and
BROOKS When I got back to the house from walking with Crystal, I sat on my bed and thought about everything she said. She was right. How could she trust me and what I say? I lied to her and hurt her when I finally told the truth. She is the first girl I have ever felt this way about and I hurt her. I put my head in my hands and I broke down and cried for a while. I heard my name and I looked up to find Jonah standing at my door. He asked what was wrong and I said I screwed up and I hurt her. I am so f*cking stupid Jonah. He asked if I had asked Crystal for forgiveness and I said yes I did and she said she would try but I know it's not something she will forgive me for overnight. I know I have to earn her trust back but I don't know how or where to start. He said, “Brooks why don't you start with writing her a letter? Write her and tell her how you truly feel and tell her everything about you that she doesn't know. Tell her the truth about why you re the way you are." I looked at Jo
CRYSTALMy dad just came in and woke me to let me know he is about to be leaving for work. I texted Brooks to see if he was on his way down and he answered saying he was at the front door but was afraid to ring the doorbell. I got up and went to open the door for him. As I was making my way back to my room, I heard my dad telling Brooks that the numbers for him and the doctor were on the fridge and he told Brooks thank you for sitting with me. I rolled my eyes because he made it sound like I was 10 and needed a babysitter. I went back to my room and crawled back into my bed. I closed my eyes and was trying to go back to sleep but there was a knock on my door. I huffed and said open the door I am not getting back up. The door opened and Brooks said, “Where should I be while you are in here? I don't need your dad coming back and me be in your room and him freak out on me." I laughed and said go sit on the couch. I know you remember where it is. You know how to work the tv as well. I'l
CRYSTALI must have fallen asleep while rereading Brooks's letter because when I woke up the letter was stuck to the side of my face. I looked at the time and saw it was 7:45. I got up and saw I had a text from my dad. I opened the text and it said he saw I was still sleeping and decided not to wake me when he left. He said he let Brooks in and he told me to have a good day. I texted my dad back and told him I had just gotten up and I told him to have a good day as well. When I walked out of my room I looked into the living room and saw Brooks asleep on the couch. I went and grabbed my phone and took a picture of him because he looked so cute sleeping. I went to the bathroom and washed my face, threw my hair up in a messy bun, and used the bathroom. I walked into the living room and sat down next to Brooks on the couch. I leaned down and kissed his cheek. Brooks opened his eyes and asked me what I was doing. I blushed and said I kissed your cheek to say thank you for doing this for me
BROOKSWhen I got home from Crystal's, Jonah was sitting on my bed and asked me where I had been. I laughed and said I was with Crystal, dad. He cut his eyes at me and said I wasn't funny. I said quit acting like my dad then. I was out with Crystal and her dad eating dinner. They treated me to dinner for sitting with her. He said, “sitting had better be all you are doing with her right now Brooks." I said we haven't done anything but talk, Jonah. I want to prove to her I love her before we do anything else. I want her to trust me again before we even think about anything else. He asked if she said anything about the letter I wrote her and I asked how he knew I wrote it and gave it to her. I said never mind. I know she told you. I said she told me how she felt about it and we talked some. She even kissed me after I told her I wanted to apologize to all the girls I hurt in hopes of making it right. I told Jonah I didn't even kiss her when she grabbed my shirt even though I knew she was
BROOKSWhen I got home from Crystal's, I decided to go ahead and plan out a dinner for us. I wanted to do it on her birthday, but at the same time, I didn't want to take her from her dad that day. I called Jonah into my room and told him I needed help planning a dinner date for the day after Crystal's birthday. He looked at me and his mouth was wide open. He said, “Brooks, are you feeling ok?" I laughed and said I am fine Jonah. He said, “You have never taken a girl out." I said I know but with Crystal, I want to be different. With her, I feel different. I want to be the best boyfriend I can be for her. With what I did to her and what she has had to go through in her life, she deserves to be treated like a queen and I am going to do everything I can to make her feel like she is. Jonah just stood there staring at me. I said I promise I am not on drugs nor have I been drinking. I really want to be different for her. I love her Jonah. I finally found someone I can be myself with and