CHAPTER 4

"So, the best thing I could advise you is to live with Liam separately. You will not be safe if you are always with your husband, Kris. He should've been brought to a healthcare facility, so we can help him treat his disorder."

I clenched my trembling fist. Logan's suggestion was actually the one I should've done now. For Sarah and I's safety, the only thing that comes with my mind is to escape.

"Based on what I heard from you, one of the symptoms of DID is that he suddenly becomes a different person in front of you without any specific reason. It's because a person diagnosed with this kind of disorder tends to have over 100 alters in their personalities." Logan got his pen pointing to his temple, as if he's thinking something. "I need to see your husband by myself, Kris. It's not enough for me to know from you what he does or what happens to him day after day."

"I can see his symptoms, yes. But as a professional, I shouldn't diagnose a person having this kind of illness without checking him by myself."

"Looks like I'm going to have trouble with that part, Logan," I mumbled with honesty. "Even Mother Minda doesn't want to believe that my husband might have a mental disorder. And if I try to convince Liam to get checked up, I would just bait myself to get beaten by him again."

Liam's a health worker. And by attempting to tell him about my suspicions about his behavior I have noticed in him lately, he will surely be offended. After all, no one could ever accept the idea of ​​them... having mental disorder---if ever my husband really has.

"You must find a way, Kirsten. The welfare of your husband, yourself and your child depends on this. I have to check him up by myself just to make sure the symptoms really are related to DID. Because if that's the case... you need to keep yourself and your child away from him. That's the best thing you can do," he added.

"But I'm his wife," I protested, not even bothering to wipe the tears that escaped from my eyes. "I promised him in church that in sickness and in health, I will always be by his side. Through thickness and thinness, I will remain his wife."

"I'm fvcking tired of getting beaten by him, actually. There's no place for the wound anymore on my body because he's filled all the space. And there isn't a night that he doesn't succeed in making me cry before bed. Over a decade of marriage, or over the ten years I have shared with him my life on one roof, he has never made me feel loved, treasured and protected."

"What he felt and gave me was pure pain, sorrow, resentment and crying. His beautiful promises he had pledged to the Lord on the day of our wedding turned out to be the opposite of those." I was smiling the whole time while speaking bitterly. "Despite that, I still don't have enough reason to leave him. It's still not enough for me to abandon the promises I made to him in front of God. Promises are made to be fulfilled, not just for people to say something and to increase the promises that were broken."

"I am still Liam's wife. Sometimes I think of running away from the house or breaking up with him, but at the end of the day... I also suddenly realize that running away is not the answer to our current problem. Especially now that I know my husband needs me if ever his mental state is not okay. Instead of beating my hasty retreat from him, I should've stayed."

I closed my mouth to breathe a little while. "I will do my best to bring Liam to you. Even if it costs my life to suffer the hell out of him again, I will do just to bring him with you."

And I was about to leave his office when he spoke, "You deserve someone better, Kris. You can keep your promise to him. But, staying with a man who couldn't even love you from ten years of marriage is too much to sacrifice."

"Don't settle to be with a man who couldn't even treat you better, Kris."

I completely turned away from him but my legs stayed in place. "And my promise to him is to love him eternally. I promised to love him as long as my heart keeps beating, and as long as I'm still breathing. To the mountains and back, I shall love no one other than the man standing as my groom on our wedding day."

"It literally hurts to love him, but I will always be willing to endure the pain," my last words before leaving his office.

*****

Here I am again, having problems waiting for the taxi going home. It's still early, Liam is definitely not at home yet. As for weekdays, he always comes home late at night, so I don't have to worry. And I didn't bother to bring a car with me since Mother Minda just helped me run away from home earlier. The bodyguards don't know that I left the house... and I'm still hoping I won't get caught.

"Kris!"

I turned around when I heard Logan's voice. He ran up to me and handed me the handkerchief that I had left in his office.

"You forgot--"

"Why is my wife outside the house?" Logan didn't finish what he had to say when I saw my husband walking behind him, looking at Logan badly.

"Care to explain why you forbid me, wife?"

I was afraid to look away from Liam. Even though I couldn't see it, I knew that at this time, he was staring at me as well as Logan.

"I'm her friend--"

"I'm not talking to you." Liam walked towards me as he held my wrist harshly. "You owe me an explanation."

Logan's eyes showed a lot of concern for me but I just signaled him not to interfere. Even against my will, I let Liam pulled me inside his car.

And from his hold, I could sense another war was about to happen. The fire inside him began to burn... and a minute from now, I will, again, metamorphose into ashes.