Chapter 2

The second I put the phone down, the teaching assistant knocked on my desk.

"Elsa, we found a bookstore doing a group discount. Whole class buying together, twenty percent off. About two hundred and forty. What do you think?"

I instinctively clenched the two hundred in my pocket. I swallowed several times, face burning red, trying to form words.

"Never mind, you look busy. I'll go ask the others."

She must have seen how uncomfortable I was, because she offered me the out herself.

But the commotion had already drawn attention.

I forced my head down into my collar.

"Oh, and Alphas need to pay a mandatory accident insurance fee. About fifty. It's required. Full moon nights aren't exactly risk-free."

The assistant circled the room and came back to me.

I pressed my lips together and quietly handed over a hundred.

She took it and walked away.

I felt the remaining hundred and fifty in my pocket and wanted so badly to video-call my mom. Show her exactly how many things still needed to be bought. Still needed to be paid for.

The extravagance she accused me of? I didn't even have the chance to be extravagant.

After class, I didn't dare eat. Instead I bought a large bag of dried pasta. Cooking it myself would save a little.

Classmates invited me to the welcome party. Fifty each, split evenly.

I just smiled and shook my head. Too embarrassed to say I couldn't afford it.

The first eighteen years of my life, I'd never known that being broke was something that left you unable to open your mouth.

They glanced at me, said nothing, and left.

The entire dorm was quiet that night. Everyone was at the party. Just me, alone.

That night, I lay in bed and couldn't sleep for the first time in my life. Because of money.

The next morning, I started hunting for part-time work all over campus. But this school was too remote, too specialized.

Barely any shops nearby. The only gigs were on the school's internal board. Personal tasks like running training laps for people, or clocking in on equipment they didn't want to use.

I became a human check-in machine. Completing other people's training tasks all day.

Fifteen bucks a session. Ninety a day, max.

After my first shift, I passed out halfway back from hunger. Stomach cramps so bad I blacked out.

But I'd collapsed somewhere out of the way. By the time I came to, nobody had even noticed.

I sucked down my one nutrition tube and collected the payment from the other end.

I never knew eighty bucks could be that hard to earn. Never knew you could work yourself half to death and still only get that much.

I rushed to contact the teaching assistant. The group book order was still open. I sent the two hundred and forty right away.

Then I went back to my dorm, mixed another pot of plain pasta, and swallowed it down along with every tear I had left for the night.

My roommates saw me eating pasta again after doing odd jobs, exchanged a look, tucked their designer bags out of sight, and stopped talking.

That particular brand of snobbery. The kind that doesn't want you in the conversation.

Before, I would have snapped.

But now, I was calm. Simply calm.

Surviving took every ounce of energy I had.

Anything beyond that wasn't forgiveness. My brain just needed to shut off.

After that, my roommates never invited me anywhere again.

I was invisible. Up before dawn, back after dark. Classes and odd jobs, every single day.

Even with the penny-pinching and the side gigs, the money still wasn't enough.

Because there was still the dorm's water and electric bill. Phone charges. Random club activity fees that popped up out of nowhere.

I kept my daily food budget around three bucks.

Breakfast: a big bowl of pasta.

Lunch: skip.

Dinner: pasta again.

No face wash. No skincare. Shampoo and body wash, just the tiniest squeeze each time. When the bottle ran out, I added water and kept going.

And every time the full moon came around, not only did I lose my gig income, I had to spend two hundred on suppressant.

Because my body didn't have enough fuel stored, each shift took longer. The pain got worse every time.

I could feel my wolf spirit weakening. I'd only just come of age, and I was already destroying my body.

But I was too broke to do anything about it.

After each full moon, I'd have fresh wounds all over. From slamming into walls during the shift because the pain was too much to bear.

Once in a while, I'd see Ms. Laura drive past.

She'd spot me, pull over, reach out and pat my head, and say something approving.

"Elsa, your mom's training is really paying off."

"Keep it up. Be independent. Don't let her down."

Then she'd hit the gas and drive off.

Back in the dorm, I looked at the dried blood on my forehead. The bruises all over my body.

I peeled off a strip of dead skin and stared at myself in the mirror. The person staring back felt like a stranger.

It had been two months since the semester started.

I'd lost twenty pounds.

My mom always used to say I had baby fat. She'd pinch my cheeks and tell me to slim down.

Well. She should be happy now.

The days just ground on.

Three full months of grinding, until December came and winter hit.

The cold cut through my bones like a blade.

I wanted to buy a parka.

The cheapest one was three hundred.

Three hundred was enough to keep me alive for six weeks.

I couldn't afford it. I just endured.

One day the temperature dropped to minus two.

I was in the equipment room clocking in, wearing a thin long-sleeve. My hands were so red and stiff my fingers wouldn't bend.

The next day, I was sick.

Dizzy. Throat on fire. My wolf spirit howling in pain inside my body.

My roommate told me to go to the clinic.

I'd just paid for my last dose of suppressant this semester. I had thirteen bucks left in my pocket.

I couldn't even afford a single bottle of medicine.

I lay in bed for a full day and night. My wolf spirit didn't get any better.

On the third day, I couldn't take it anymore. I called my mom.

I'd barely contacted her all semester.

Because Ms. Laura kept telling me my mom was busy. Told me to be mature. Don't call and bother her for no reason.

I did what I was told. No matter how hard it got, I handled it alone.

But now I had nothing left.

My mom sounded surprised to hear from me.

"Shouldn't you be in class right now? Why are you calling me out of the blue?"

I held back the pain, voice hoarse.

"Mom, I'm sick. I can't afford to see a doctor."

"Can you... send me a little more money?"

Instant fury on the other end.

"Didn't I tell you over and over to budget your allowance? Stop throwing money around?"

"How could you possibly spend so much that you can't even afford a doctor?"