Chapter 3

Susan 's POV:

Startled by the vivid dream, I'm abruptly jolted awake. 

The dampness between my legs serves as a tangible reminder of how my body responds to these forbidden fantasies. 

I can't shake his face from my mind—those captivating eyes, those lips that brought both pleasures and torment to my senses.

"This is sheer madness," I whisper in despair, seeking solace in reciting the Lord's prayer. 

Waking up repeatedly due to these haunting dreams has become exhausting, and I long for a reprieve.

The door creaks open, and Ethan peeks into my room. "Hey, Susan ."

"You're up early," I snap at him, my frustration evident.

"Sorry, just wanted to check on you, and make sure you're not crying again. I'd only know if I catch you red-handed," he says, entering my room and settling into the plastic chair meant for reading.

"I don't cry every morning," I retort, rolling my eyes. Ethan and Ryan have taken turns visiting me every morning and night since I shared the news of my breakup with my parents and brothers. 

Surprisingly, even Mom and Dad occasionally inquire about my well-being. 

I had hoped that by now, the pain would have subsided, but the truth is, I still hurt and cry at times.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I respond as I rummage through my closet, searching for something to wear to my 9 am class.

"Susan , you know you can talk to me, right? You don't have to face it alone. Breakups suck, big time," Ethan's voice softens, attempting to convey empathy, which almost makes me giggle.

"I'm fine, bro. I'm a woman, remember? I'm naturally strong," I reply half-heartedly, mustering a faint smile.

"Mom will be up soon. I need to go microwave..." I'm interrupted by a sudden wave of nausea, cutting my words short.

I rush to the bathroom sink as a small amount of food spills out of my mouth. "Are you okay, Susan ?" Ethan asks, concerned.

Am I okay? I don't know.

Today in Book keeping class, I can barely concentrate on Professor Turner's lecture. Even though she's my favourite professor in this course, I find myself dozing off throughout most of her teaching. 

My head throbs and the persistent feeling of nausea has lingered for days, dismissing it initially as a passing discomfort. But now, I'm not so sure.

"I feel sick," I confide in Sam. We're seated in the cafeteria, waiting for Ruth to return with our lunches.

"Ohhh...pregnancy," Sarah teases, causing me to giggle a little too loudly, feeling slightly uneasy.

"Just kidding. You're a bloody virgin, sweetheart. How could you possibly be pregnant? Are you the new Virgin Mary?" Sarah bursts into hysterical laughter, amused by her joke.

I chuckle nervously, attempting to play along.

"Alright, three hamburgers, fries, and slushes coming up!" Ruth announces, placing the tray on the round table and taking a seat.

"I think I'll visit a clinic today. I feel sick, and I don't want to fall ill right before our test next week," I share, expressing my concerns.

"Oh, okay. Do you want me to drop you off?" Ruth asks, munching on a couple of fries.

"No, I'll be fine. I'll just take the subway."

Standing in front of the clinic, a safe distance from my house, I take a deep breath before walking through the sliding doors. Making my way to the reception desk, I approach the

desk, where a serious-looking woman with glasses and her hair tied in a bun awaits.

"I'd like to see a doctor," I inform her.

She gestures towards a list and says, "Write your name there and take a seat in the waiting room. Your name will be called when it's your turn."

Following her instructions, I jot down my name on the list and proceed to the waiting room. The hours slowly pass by, and eventually, my name is called, prompting me to enter the doctor's office.

"Miss Susan  Johansen?" a warm and approachable black female doctor greets me.

"Yes," I respond, taking a seat in front of her.

"So, what seems to be the issue?" she inquires gently.

"I've been feeling sick lately. I just want to find out what's wrong so I can receive treatment before my upcoming test next week," I explain.

The doctor nods understandingly. "Alright, Miss Johansen. When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

I try to suppress my uneasiness and answer calmly, "About a month ago."

"Okay. Have you experienced your menstrual period this month?" she asks, maintaining her gentle demeanour.

I attempt to remain composed. "No, I haven't."

She gives me a reassuring smile. "In that case, before we proceed with any further diagnosis, you'll need to take a pregnancy test, Miss Johansen."

A surge of anxiety courses through me as I contemplate the possibility of being pregnant by a stranger. "Oh God, my parents would be furious," I think to myself.

The doctor's warm smile remains intact as she senses my apprehension. "Don't worry, Miss Johansen. We'll perform the test and discuss the results together. It's important to gather all the necessary information to provide you with the appropriate care."

Relieved by her comforting words, I take a deep breath and nod. "Thank you, Doctor."

She escorts me to a separate room where the pregnancy test will be conducted. After a few minutes of anxious anticipation, the test is completed, and we return to her office to discuss the results.

"Miss Johansen, the test confirms that you are pregnant," the doctor reveals gently, her voice laced with empathy.

My heart sinks, and a mix of emotions floods over me. Shock, fear, and a profound sense of uncertainty grip my thoughts. How did I let this happen? What am I going to do now?

"I...I can't believe it," I stammer, my voice trembling. "What am I supposed to do?"

The doctor maintains her calm and supportive demeanour. "First, take a moment to process this information. It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed. Remember, you have options, and we are here to guide you through them."

Tears well up in my eyes as I try to grasp the reality of the situation. "I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother. I'm still in college, and I have so many plans for my future."

The doctor nods understandingly. "It's important to consider all aspects of your life and make a decision that aligns with your goals and circumstances. 

I can provide you with information about different options available to you, such as parenting, adoption, or termination of pregnancy. 

Ultimately, the decision is yours, and we are here to support you through this process."

Overwhelmed by the weight of the decision before me, I take a moment to gather my thoughts. 

This unexpected turn of events has plunged me into a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainties. 

As I sit there, contemplating my options, I realize that whatever path I choose will undoubtedly shape my future in profound ways.

With a deep breath, I wipe away my tears and look up at the doctor. "Thank you for your support, Doctor. 

I need some time to think this through and consider my options."

The doctor nods understandingly. "Of course, take all the time you need. It's crucial to make a decision that feels right for you. 

In the meantime, I encourage you to reach out to your support system—family, friends, or counselling services. 

They can provide invaluable guidance and help you navigate this challenging situation."

I appreciate her advice and realize that seeking support is essential during this difficult time. "I will do that. Thank you for your understanding."

As I leave the clinic, a myriad of thoughts swirl in my mind. I walk aimlessly through the city streets, trying to make sense of everything. 

The weight of responsibility sits heavily on my shoulders, and I know that whatever choice I make will have profound implications.

Days turn into weeks, and I find solace in confiding in my closest friends. 

They listen without judgment, offering their unwavering support and understanding. Their comforting presence helps me gain clarity and perspective.

I also schedule a session with a counsellor at my university, seeking professional guidance to sort through my thoughts and emotions. 

The counsellor provides a safe space for me to express my fears, doubts, and hopes. 

Together, we explore the potential impact of each choice and discuss the resources available to me.

As time goes on, I begin to feel a glimmer of strength within me. I realize that regardless of the path I choose, I have the power to shape my future. 

It won't be easy, but I am determined to make the best decision for myself and the life growing within me.