4 - To Forget

~Harlow’s Point of View~

“There,” Lilly says, as she tucks me into the softest bed. I zoned out through getting cleaned up, somehow trusting her to be gentle. I thought I might freak out when she touched me, since she had to get everywhere, but I didn’t. I just wanted so desperately to be clean but I knew I couldn’t find the strength to do it on my own.

While I’ve been looking at her now for awhile, I don’t know as though I really noticed her. She’s stunning with light blonde hair and perfect skin. Bright eyes that are kind, a touch that’s just somehow instantly soothing. Her cheeks are a bit red, her manner is calm and inviting. She looks exactly like what the perfect mom would be, if I could imagine one.

“I know that talking about what happened is going to be the last thing you want to do. It doesn’t have to be tonight, but you will need to be interviewed. One of my mates is the head investigator, and he’ll be very easy to talk to if you’d like,” she offers. 

My lips tremble as I try to talk, and when I struggle, she brings a steaming cup of tea to my lips and I sit up enough to take a sip. The hot minty liquid tingles my mouth a bit in a good way, so I drink more. 

“This tea will help you sleep and rest,” she says, as I gulp down half the mug. 

While I don’t know this female, Skip said I can trust her, and I want to. She’s all I’ve got right now. 

“I’m not sure…” I croak out, then return my lips to the mug for another long pull of liquid courage. I then clear my throat.

“I don’t know if he… uhm…how long it lasted but even a little bit leaves the possibility of…” I trail off, not wanting to say it. I know how the female body works, I’ve paid attention in health class. 

My hand shakes and she takes the mug from me carefully. I briefly close my eyes as I hear her set it on the table. I know humans have a method by which they can terminate a pregnancy, but in the shifter community it is extremely taboo. As best I know, it's actually illegal but I don’t know for sure.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it, okay? Look I… I’m not going to baby you or treat you like you don’t have a mind of your own. Nothing pissed me off more as a teenager than having adults talk to me like I was an idiot,” she says, as I hear footsteps.

I see a male in the doorway, standing casually but curious. He’s got some hair that just hangs over his eyes, and when he sweeps it away, I see how absolutely handsome he is and boyish. My mouth drops open a bit, because it's obvious he’s older and yet I’m still attracted to him. All older males I’ve seen are rugged and rough. This one is kind of… polished? 

“This is my other mate Skyler. Can he get you something to eat,” Lilly asks. 

I look at her, dumbfounded, then back to the male. 

“Just how many mates do you have,” I ask, in shock.

I’d learned in school that multiples share mates, like twins or triplets. I’d also learned that very rarely, unrelated males can choose to share a mate. If they mark the female at the same time, it can work. But it's highly unusual since males are too territorial, and don’t want to share unless they don’t have a choice. What female would even want that? Having to please more than one male, answer to more than one? Sounds awful!

Lilly giggles, and the sound of it is so rich it actually warms me somehow. She’s just so easy to be around, so likable. I reach for the mug again with a steadier hand, and warm all over once more as it flows through me.

“Just three! Goddess knows that’s more than enough! They are triplets, but they don’t all look alike,” she beams, then makes eyes at Skyler. Something in my gut immediately twists, jealous of it. I dare to see his reaction, and he’s giving the admiration right back to her. While I’ve been around plenty of mated couples, they never seemed to be in much love. Not like these two.

Goddess, three hot and strong males to care for her?? Whew. Lucky lady… I guess anyhow. I put the mug down and continue my shock for a long moment.

I shake my head, and a large yawn escapes my lips. Suddenly my eyes feel heavy, and I find myself burrowing down in the comfort of the bed. 

“I’ll just make sure she has an awesome breakfast tomorrow,” I hear, as footsteps retreat. The lamp goes off, and I feel Lilly’s soft fingers stroke my hand. 

“I’m literally just in the room next door, I’ll leave you to rest. Just call for me if you need anything at all,” I hear, just before my eyes close and I drift off, welcoming the darkness.

~Twenty Hours Later~

I wiggle my nose when the strong aroma of oranges tingles it. I lick my dry lips and stretch my arms up over my head. Then, I really think I’m almost hallucinating when I also smell … maple syrup? Wait, what are these scents? I pause for a long minute and lean hard into my pillow, inhaling an intense woodsy musk. My entire body heats as if it fills my lungs. I can’t decide if that, or the food smells are better. 

My eyes pop open, knowing fully well I’m never lucky enough to get both pancakes and oranges for breakfast. It’s almost always sloppy oatmeal or dry toast, eggs if I’m lucky. I set aside the random warm and woodsy smell for now, ready and eager to enjoy some good food. When I turn toward the door, I’m only met with several faces staring down at me. 

I quickly sit up in a panic, wondering who they are and where I am. I blink several times, as a woman with stunning curly long black hair shoves aside the two males gawking at me.

“Get out! You’re scaring her,” she snaps, then literally smacks one of them on the arm. 

“Ow! I’ll remember that! It's always the Greek witches that are so violent,” one of the males whines, as he steps back.

A … witch?? She’s a witch?! I stare at them all, trying to search my brain. Are witches normal, are they safe?

I realize the males look familiar, but I’m struggling to remember. Do I even know my name?

“Honey, my name is Katrina and we’re all Shadow Warriors. You know what that means right,” she asks, sitting on the side of the bed and nodding. She’s got a thick accent that seems mysterious, sexy and intriguing. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard. I think anyhow.

I nod when I do remember having learned about them in school. I kind of pictured them more like… police ninjas? Certainly not like her.

“Okay good, so you know you’re safe. Something very traumatic happened to you last night. But I’m a seasoned witch who is able to help manipulate some parts of your memory and subconscious among other things. Well, for starters I spelled your tea so you’d get a long and restful sleep. Your mind and body truly needed it. Right now, I’ve left the last twenty four hours in a suspended state in your brain so to speak. I wanted to give you the option of whether or not you want to remember it,” she says.

“She still needs to be interviewed Katrina, are you crazy? We need that,” a voice says, as I turn toward the door. Another male, this one very rugged, handsome but much older than me. They are all very attractive males, and extremely large in stature.

I cock my head to the side, and immediately try to hone in on what I do remember. I look away when my eyes go wide, when I remember my plan to go to the devil’s lair. Did I go? Was it there that I was attacked or something? 

My lungs draw a deep breath practically from my belly, and suddenly I feel like a punching bag. Like I’ve been hit by a train and my body is finally catching my mind up on how it feels. My fingers quickly throw off the blanket that covers my lower half, and I see bruises on my legs, on my arms.

“Who hurt me,” I whisper, almost afraid of the answer.

“It was several males outside the cabin where you’ve been living with your foster family. But, they were all killed,” the male explains, in a soft voice.

A tear falls down my cheek, and when I feel a pain between my legs, I don’t have to ask what kind of attack. 

“You’ve slept a long time, but there are a couple more hours until your full memory will return. Or… if you don’t want it to, I can more or less erase it. We can tell you what happened, but your mind and body won’t have to endure the trauma. You’re a teenage girl, you still have so many firsts and amazing things to experience. You may want to have a clear mind for that,” Katrina explains.

My fingers move to my lips, one of my nervous ticks… I think. No, it is. My brain goes into overdrive, warring inside itself. But I know what I need to do. 

“They’re all dead? They can’t hurt me or anyone else ever again,” I ask, as a tear falls down my cheek. A male nods and takes a step forward.

“Yes sweetheart. My name is River and I’m the investigations captain for the Shadows. But it wasn’t us who saved you. We got there a bit after, so… we have many questions about who did save you. Also if you know the names of your attackers,” he asks. 

“Surely it must have been the pack? Maybe their patrol that saved me,” I say, shrugging. He shakes his head.

“No, we’ve interviewed them all. They got there after the incident, same as us,” he insists. My jaw falls, just as my stomach growls. As if he heard it, one of the males who’d been hovering over me appears in the door with a tray. I lick my lips.

“If I want to remember to give my interview, can I still… Once I remember, can I still choose to forget,” I ask.

“You can change your mind anytime to forget, but asking to remember again… well that’s a tough one. I more or less tell people it can’t be reversed. I’ll stay with you through it all,” she replies. I nod, as the tray is brought to my lap. My stomach growls again as everyone but Katrina clears out, and I waste no time digging in.

After a long hot bath and putting in the pigtails that bring me comfort, Katrina and Lilly tell me my memory could come back at any moment. I go outside so I can breathe. Even though it's dark, the backyard is very well lit and I know it's a safe space. There are at least half a dozen male Shadow Warriors around, but they give me plenty of room.

I’ve always liked just staring at the stars, so I do that.. I’m not sure how much time passes, but I start to remember meeting with Skip, the bar and our conversation. When there’s a flash of him leaning over me and stroking my face, I gasp and jerk upright. My hands move to my private area, and I feel a stab of pain there. 

All air leaves my lungs as I remember Billy looming over me, remember me fighting for my life in the mud. The hands on me. There’s screaming and for a minute I don’t know if I’m actively doing it or if it's in my head. When my eyes pop open, I bury my face in my hands.

All I hear is the devil, soothing me. Calming me. Reminding me… that I am his family, his to care for and that he failed me. His words roll around in my mind. I instantly realize that if I allow Katrina to erase that night, I won’t remember that he was the one who saved me. He came for me, even if it was too late. It could have been so much worse. I need to be able to have that conversation with him at some point. It's obvious he doesn’t want me to leave, he wants me close. And really, I need him too.

I pull my knees to my chin and rock, just like I’d done so many times over the years. When a warm hand touches my shoulder, I don’t jump. Instead, I look up into the most chocolate brown eyes I’ve ever seen. His smile is kind, even if he’s large and clearly powerful. I know he wouldn’t hurt me, and when he kneels next to me he opens his arms. I can't imagine turning him down though I don’t exactly want a strange male touching me. 

My body dives in, letting his warmth and the comfort he offers soothe me. After a minute, I look up into his eyes and inhale the delightful cedar aroma that seems to be his. Instant recognition hits me and my entire body heats in a way I’ve never felt.

“You were there last night weren’t you,” I whisper. I may have been out of it, but he’s hard to miss, I remember my eyes wandering to him several times. There were too many smells for me to know that woodsy musk was his, but it stood out somehow.

It suddenly dawns on me that some of the warmth I’m feeling is also a memory… of him. He was holding me as I slept. I felt so safe, and maybe… Loved? Is that what that was? Does he… know that I know that was him?

A slight grin cracks through his lips.

“Yeah. I didn’t think you noticed me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I wanted to do so much more to help…” he trails off. I’m not sure why but I reach for his cheek, and he leans into my palm. I don’t know how much time passes, but when Katrina appears next to him, it's obvious she doesn’t want to be ignored. I draw a deep breath and look away.

Skip’s face flashes in my mind, and I know what I have to do.