تسجيل الدخول*Anastasia*“Unforgive—” The word catches on my tongue, thin, startled, as if my mouth rejects it on instinct. Not because I don’t know the word—of course I do—but because why on earth would he say—He says unforgivable like it’s a verdict.The absurdity of it lands instantaneously. Not because it’s funny or anything, but because that is just impossible.The light shifts overhead.Clouds are churning, swallowing up the pockets of light before spitting them back out in flat, brittle flashes that don’t warm anything. Bruised slate stacked on slate, sagging lower by the minute, pressing the sky down until even the garden feels cramped beneath it. Already turning the pale day sour, both too bright in one moment, and then too dim at once, as if mocking the way the sun is still above, but smothered in wool.And all the while, the air keeps scratching the inside of my throat with that strange charge. As if it was protesting for rain. But it doesn't feel right.It just pricks at my skin. My
*Anastasia* “Why are you running from me?” My words hang over the air, too loud to be just a simple question, because it feels too alive, twisting with so much more felt than said in the plainness of it, before slowly fading into thin shapes back into the bare bushes and trellises. For a moment, neither of us speaks.Only our breathing fills the space between us.His comes fast but controlled, like he’s already actively forcing it down in preparation. Like he may have already decided where he’ll bolt if given another chance. Like his eyes are already seeking new routes of escapes. Cracks to fall through. Stay out of reach like a whisper of smoke. Bruno feels like a spring, coiled tight and ready to vault once again, while I…I don’t think I can. Because I’m still breathing ragged, uneven like little torn sounds drag out of a body that was not made for sprinting. My lungs burn right now as if I’ve swallowed the torches from inside the corridors. Decorating the air with hot puffs o
*Anastasia*“Papa…” I breathe, the word so soft it barely disturbs the fog on the glass. “Is this you?”It feels too long since I saw sapphire eyes look after me like the world couldn’t tame that stubborn gentleness that believed in me. That I could do anything. Like my ideas were not foolish just because they were mine. Like my wanting to be better—better than blood, better than tradition, better than what they expect of a woman and a half—wasn’t some childish fantasy to be corrected.He always believed in me. That I could rule at all.And it has been too long since I last received anything that felt like him. Not a report. Not a request. Not another clipped summary of someone else’s suffering. Something warm. Something like home.I want to hear from him. I want to hear from Johan, too. I want a letter that isn’t returned unopened, isn’t swallowed by distance, and isn't lost to silence like so many prayers flung into the wind.My mind betrays me with images I shouldn’t tempt myself
*Anastasia*I barely notice my skirt whispering against the stone as I push forward. A bit too fast to be dignified, but too intent on putting distance between myself and that room. The domed chamber falls away behind my shoulders in a blur of gold and turquoise, torches and marble and watching mouths. The doors shut somewhere behind me, heavy, final.But the warmth doesn’t follow. The fire pits can crackle and pop all they like in there, so bright and careless, pretending at comfort. But out here the corridor is immediately colder, and it feels personal. As if the chill seeps through the seams of my very slippers like an unwavering judgement at everything I do. Relentlessly quiet, efficient, and straight to bone.I keep moving anyway. Press faster. Not that it changes the feeling.Because I can still feel it. The lingering gaze of both trailing after me till the very last turn. Pale brown and vermillion both. Admiral Nugen’s steady weight. The opposite to Mykhol’s…something else. So
Nugen didn’t slow.Winter slammed into him. The dry, biting air went straight for the soft places. It clawed at his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, stole the warmth from his breath the instant it left his mouth. His lungs seized around the cold, and for a heartbeat the air tasted almost familar—thin, metallic, almost electrical, the sharp scent that came before weather changed. Like the sky was deciding whether it wanted to break.But he didn’t have time to ponder if that meant more rain or something. It didn’t matter right now if it did or not.Outside, the walkway stretched bleached and brittle under the dim winter light. The fountain stood in its familiar place, near the center of the walkway. Gurgling mass should have been loud, alive—but it was caught in silence now. Iced over from the unusually frigid temperatures for Nochten. The water froze mid-spill, ice glazed over carved stone like glass set wrong. It made the familiar landmark unnatural. Again, warning that this winter
*Admiral Nugen* Nugen watched Anastasia go. Watched as the vast white hall swallowed her fleeting figure quickly. Only the flash of her red shawl remained against his vision. The streak of crimson trailed behind her, lifted once behind her as a flag caught by a one final, dry breath of winter air before it fell and vanished through the archway.He watched on until even the memory of red finally faded like a dying ember in the bitter winter morn.Only then could he allow himself to stop.Not because he wasn’t afraid for her out there. He still was, more than ever now. But that was just another worry he would have to deal with.But for right now, Ana was beyond the threshold, likely to return to where her study, or rooms, or wherever else that was better than here. Because anywhere, anything, was going to be better. If it meant she was beyond his reach. Good.A bare sigh slipped from him, thin as smoke.She’s safe, he told himself. Safe.For now…But already, the words tasted like sa
*Ana*“Maddie?”I blink, taking in the sight of her. It is Maddie. But then again, at the same time, it’s like looking at a stranger.This Maddie is different from the one I know. She’s changed overnight. Her smiles are long gone, and her constant chatter is dead silent. Even those bright brown eyes ar
*Ana*“No, I can’t do this.” I crumble the paper and toss it on the ground. It lands amongst the others.“Maybe I should give up?” Why is this so hard to do? “What was wrong with this one, Ana?” Maddie picks it up to unfold and read. “This one looks fine.” “It’s not.” It’s bad; they all are. There ar
(Edited & reviewed 7/1/24)*Ana*I can do this. I tell myself. Just keep your head up. Keep your face still.You are almost there. The carriage is just ahead. And then I won’t have to pretend. Just keep it in, and you’ll be fine.“Ana?” Maddie whispers. Her eyes were big and searching. “Ana, are you alr
*Ana* Who is screaming? I vaguely recognize it. Someone was screaming. The voice was high and shook. It sounded horrified and unhinged. Make it stop. The screaming is too loud. It hurts my ears. Why won’t anyone make her stop screaming? I cover my ears, but it does nothing. It still sounds so loud







