Chapter 1

The wolfsbane had reached my bones.

Maeve Bennett, the pack witch, held out a healing potion.

I pushed her hand away. "Forget it. This body is past saving. There's no point fighting anymore."

Maeve froze. "But your bucket list isn't finished, is it?"

"It's finished."

Just not by me. My mate, Ethan Anderson, the pack's Alpha, and my best friend, Murphy Blake, had completed it.

They visited every place I had longed to see.

Yesterday, while a travel documentary played in the study, I found one of Ethan's memory crystals on a bookshelf. Its case bore the words "Live for her."

They crossed snowfields by moonlight and touched noses at dawn, breathing each other in.

They exchanged vows in a cavern shaped like an ancient cathedral.

Every forest they crossed belonged to a journey I had once imagined for us.

In the latest crystal, Murphy was leaning against his chest.

"What about the last stop? Are we still going to chase the northern lights?"

Ethan was quiet for a long time.

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

He took her hand.

"We should leave at least one place."

"If Jennifer ever asks, she'll still have one dream left."

There were more than twenty memories. I watched them again and again, all night long.

I remembered Murphy leaning against my shoulder once, smiling as she said, "Your mate is incredible."

The words slid into the softest part of me like a poisoned needle. I tried to smile, but before my lips could hold the shape, tears spilled over.

One tear fell, then another, striking the back of my hand with the heat of a branding iron.

Years ago, Ethan had carried my frail body to a hidden cave deep in the forest. Pointing to the paintings on its walls, he told me our ancestors had once roamed the entire continent.

Wolfsbane had reduced me to a shadow of myself, but those paintings kindled a fierce spark of hope inside me.

I made my own bucket list.

Ethan took my hand. His voice had been fierce with desperation.

"Let me see those places for you and bring the memories home. Just promise me you won't give up. Please, don't leave me."

But he never told me that Murphy appeared in every single one of those memories.

Maeve asked, "Does your mate know?"

I gave her a bitter smile and shook my head. Ethan probably wouldn't care whether I stopped taking the medicine.

"He doesn't need to know."

Stopping treatment meant the wolfsbane would devour what remained of my life. Before it did, I wanted one glimpse of the northern lights, to finish my journey beneath that impossible glow.

"You're truly done waiting for Ethan? If you stop the medicine, the wolfsbane could kill you at any moment." Maeve held out a second vial filled with silver liquid.

"No more waiting." I had waited for him more times than I could count.

The worst was when I clutched Murphy's hand before losing consciousness and begged her to contact Ethan.

Through the haze, all I could see were Murphy's red-rimmed eyes.

"Ethan is busy with pack affairs. He can't get away."

He never came. He only sent Murphy with a memory crystal.

In it, he stood beneath a pine tree draped in heavy snow, flecks of green peeking through the thick white.

He said, "When you're better, I'll bring you here myself."

Back then, I still believed we had a future.

For the first three years after the poisoning, he came every day.

Sometimes he brought fresh fruit I loved. Sometimes he brought nothing and simply sat beside my bed, watching over me.

When the pain was unbearable, I would smash the fruit to pulp and hurl my pillow at him.

He never dodged and never got angry. He just cleaned up the room for me.

"You can curse at me all you want," he said, "but don't send me away."

But I hadn't seen him in years. I told myself he was searching for a reason to keep me alive.

Murphy often delivered new memory crystals on Ethan's behalf.

"The sea today was so blue, that exact shade of blue you always described."

"The sunset over the golden mountains, without you, it isn't beautiful anymore."

Those words were what kept me going.

Then Murphy came yesterday with a blessing bone.

My full name, Jennifer Hart, had been carved into it. Blessing bones came only from the Far North.

The Far North. Was the scenery beautiful there?

I ran my fingers over my name on the bone.

My eyes stung. I pressed the bone to my chest.

In that moment, even the agony in my bones seemed to ease.

I couldn't help asking Murphy.

"When is Ethan coming back?"

A smile crept across Murphy's face.

"Did you know? Beast bones from the Far North have another purpose."

"They're called mate-bond bones." The bone swung before my eyes from a braided leather thong.

"Ethan and I had our names carved into a mate-bond bone." Their full names, Ethan Anderson and Murphy Blake, were carved into it.

"No! That's impossible."

"Stop joking!"

She didn't say another word. She just pushed a memory crystal in front of me.

The moment the crystal lit up, my blood ran cold.

He and Murphy were kneeling devoutly before the statue of the Beast God.

They carved their names into the bone.

Then they kissed.

"Are you still wondering why he stopped coming to see you?"

She pulled out another crystal.

On it, I writhed and moaned in pain. The words I had spoken in delirium played back:

"Maeve, get Ethan... out of here."

"I don't want to see him again."

"If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been poisoned."

I reached for the crystal, but my body had no strength left, and I collapsed back onto the bed.

"No, there's more after that!"

"I told Maeve to get Ethan out because I didn't want him to see me like that."

"I said I didn't want to see him because he had his own responsibilities."

"I said I was grateful it was me and not him."

"You!"

I spoke too fast, choked, and broke into a fit of coughing.

"I know." She spoke slowly, her gaze fixed on her fingernails.

"I paid a mage to alter the crystals."

"Jennifer, you have wolfsbane. How are you not dead yet?"

"I have waited so long for you to die. Hurry up and give me what I want, will you? Be a good friend, Jennifer."

"Once you're dead, I'll be the Alpha's mate."