CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

NOLAN POV

My ex wife used to look at me with the same loathing that Gwen did, but it hadn't bothered me. But Gwen’s hatred of me was difficult to swallow because I knew it was my fault. I was angry that she hadn't told me about the baby, that she hadn't planned to, but I understood the reasons and couldn't blame her for them.

      As I exited the room and headed up the hallway to the kitchen where I heard Sam, I realized I hadn't apologized for my behavior. I had admitted it, but mostly, I had focused on my intent to be in her and the baby's lives. I stopped in the middle of the hallway, cursing myself for being so self-centered and selfish. I wanted to turn around and go back, to let her know how profusely sorry I was and how I wanted to make it up to her. But I couldn't face her looking at me with such revulsion. Especially since she was pale and tired. Once again, the best thing I could do for her would be to leave her alone. That didn't mean I wouldn't look out for her and the baby. Like it or not, I was in her life. The good news about that was perhaps over time, I'd be able to make it up to her for the terrible way I treated her. Maybe she'd even come around to stop hating me.

    I continued up the hall and to the small kitchen.

      "I'm making grilled steak and soup, an old staple for Gwen and me. It's probably not okay enough for you." Sam stood at the stove, not bothering to look at me. I wondered how much of my heinous deeds Gwen had shared with her father.

      "I ate a lot of this growing up, and it's still one of my favorites." I understood that if I had any chance of changing Gwen’s mind about me, I would likely need her father's help. Yes, I'd have to rebuild the relationship, build her trust, but if her father was on my side, that could be a help. She clearly loved her father.

      "I'm going to take these to Gwen. I'll be right back." He picked up a tray with a sandwich and a cup of soup on it. I was about to tell him that she was sleeping, but it was possible she said she wanted to rest just to make me leave.

      I waited in the kitchen, looking out the window toward the backyard. Like the rest of the house, it was tired, needing a little bit of cleanup and maintenance. My initial instinct was to pour money into this place, sprucing it up, fixing all the needed repairs. But I knew it wouldn't matter to Gwen or Sam. Spending money on them wasn't going to earn the trust and respect that I wanted.

      When Sam returned, he put the other two sandwiches on plates and poured the remaining soup into mugs. He picked up his plate and mug and headed to the small table in the eat-in area of the kitchen.

      I picked up the others and joined him. Sam wasn't much older than me, but as I sat there, I felt like a teenage boy talking to the father of the girl he was interested in.

      "I don't have to ask you about your intentions with my daughter. I understand that you used her and abused her."

      My sandwich stuck in the back of my throat. Had she told him the things I had said to her?

      "I'll be honest, I'm a little surprised by Gwen’s behavior. She's smart, and she's focused on her future. And while she is a woman, the idea that she would be with someone like you, her friend’s father, is a little bit difficult to accept. I want to blame you for that. But while Gwen might've been innocent, she's not so naïve. She gave you something, but I don't believe you respected it."

      I was finally able to get the sandwich down and gave him a nod, letting him know that he was right.

      "I'm not like you, Mr. Douglas."

  I wanted to ask him to call me Nolan but understood that this was not a friendly conversation.

      "I'm not aggressive or assertive. I'm a simple man, a weak man, really. I don't have your money or influence, but if you hurt my daughter, if you try to hurt that child of hers, I will go to my grave making you pay."

      "I don't want to hurt Gwen. I know that doesn't mean much considering I already have. Your daughter is a special woman. And you're right, I took something I wanted without appreciating it. And in fact, I resented it."

      His eyes shot up to mine. “What the hell does that mean?"

      "When I'm around Gwen, she makes me feel things that I don’t understand and don't want to feel. I was powerless against them, powerless against her, and I took it out on her. The truth is, Mr. Finn, I'm the one who is weak. And I don't mean weak in not being able to avoid the temptation, the lure of your daughter."

      He scowled, and I realized that the words lure and temptation weren't the best words to use at this moment.

      "I was weak, and I couldn't face up to or admit what was going on with me, my feelings. I lashed out at her for that, and it was wrong." I realized these were the things I needed to say to Gwen, not to her father. I hoped I would have a chance.   

"I don't . . . I don't really care about you. I care about my daughter and the baby she's carrying."

      "As you should."

      "Gwen doesn't want you in her life. She doesn't want anything from you."