CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

NOLAN POV

I opened my mouth to let him know that wouldn't be a possibility, but he continued.

 "You seem to be a terrible man in terms of how you treat the women you sleep with, but having met your daughter, I can see that you are a good father. It appears that you want to be a father to this child. That is your right. And of course, you have a responsibility. If Gwen had her way, she would release you of all of that, but I recognize that you can provide for my daughter and her child in a way that she and I can't. And as I've already told you, I'm not so proud that I'm going to turn away what you can offer."

      I nodded. "Whatever they need, I will provide it."

      "But what I said earlier still stands. I don't know what your intentions are now. Maybe you just want to be in the child's life and you're doing your duty by Gwen, but if you hurt her, I will do whatever I can, and likely fail at it, but I will still try to make you pay."

      "If I hurt them again, I’ll deserve it." I thought for a moment whether I wanted to say more. I really should be talking to Gwen about all this, but who knew if she would ever listen? "I am not acting only out of duty or responsibility here." I wanted more. I realized that now. But I also understood that it was too late.

 He studied me as if he was trying to see the truth of my words. I hoped to hell that I looked sincere. Finally, he said, "Just so long as we're clear."

      "We're clear."

  After eating with Sam, I didn't want to leave and at the same time knew that if I was ever going to earn Gwen’s trust and respect, I was going to need to be patient. Sam would take good care of Gwen, and I knew that April would be stopping by after her classes. Although I wasn't happy that Gwen and the baby had a scare, the silver lining was that April was focused more on Gwen and less on Cole. I didn't like how April appeared to be giving up everything in her life for that young man.

      When I left the Finn home, I drove to my office to check in on work. I also made arrangements to see Watt later for drinks. Not wanting to go out into the bar scene now, I invited him over to my place.

      When he arrived, he studied me as if he was trying to gauge my mood. "I understand from April that everything's okay with Gwen and the baby."

      "It appears so. She’ll go back next week for a follow-up, but so far, no one seems overly concerned."

      He patted me on the shoulder. "I'm glad to hear it. Now where's my beer?"

    I got us each a beer and we went into the living room. I thought about turning on the TV, but I knew I needed to talk with Watt to let him know how I needed to focus on Gwen and the baby for a while.

      "Thank Goodness you are so good at managing the gems because I need to dedicate time to making sure Gwen and the baby have everything they need."

      "Of course." His brow furrowed as he took a sip of his beer. "What is the deal with you and Gwen?"

      "She hates my guts. And with good reason."

      "Is she going to try and keep you from the baby?"

      I shook my head, knowing that she would prefer for me to be out of her and the baby's life, but she wasn't spiteful like my ex wife. She would put the child before her own needs, something my ex wife never did. "She'd prefer if I stayed out of the picture, but that's not going to happen."

      "it's all your faults, Nolan, you are a good father. As April’s friend, she must know that."

      "Her father said something similar to me today."

   Watt let out a loud bark of deep laughter. "Oh, my Goddess, man, you got talked to by her father like a teenage boy on a first date."

      My cheeks heated with embarrassment. "I did. But I deserved it. I was really shitty to her, Watt." 

"I see that you feel guilty about that. Is the fact that she hates you a problem?"

      "Yes, it's a big problem.” I shook my head as all those crazy feelings in my chest swirled again. I didn't completely understand what they were, only that they represented my need to be with Gwen. "You know that saying about how little wolf who like a she-wolf pull on their pigtails?"

      He nodded.

      "I was like that. Only much worse. I couldn't deal with the things I was feeling, and I said the worst things possible. I'm ashamed of it, and because of it, I've ruined everything."

 Watt studied me again. "Are you saying you’re in love with her?"

  I shrugged. "I don't know if it's love. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop wanting her. I think she is my second human mate, right?"

 Watt shrugged. "How the hell do I know? But it sounds like something close to it. And if that's the case, I know you'll do what needs to be done to make things up to her, and maybe she'll forgive you."

      "I don’t know. I can’t imagine her ever forgiving me." I couldn’t get the image of her pale and stricken face from my mind. I was sure on my deathbed, that was the vision I’d leave this world with on my trip to hell.

      "What did you say?"

      “It was bad." So bad that I didn't want to repeat it, even to Watt. Neither had I told April the heinous details. I'd only said that I had behaved badly, and it made sense that Gwen would hate me. I hated myself for it and hoped that over time, Gwen’s hate for me would lessen.

      "So, what's next?" Watt took a swig of his beer.

      "Next, I will do what I can to take care of Gwen and the baby."

      "Maybe you should send her flowers and candy or something."

      It was a thought except for the fact that there was no amount of flowers or chocolate in the world that could make up for what I had done. Still, maybe there were some small gestures that I could do that would help soften her to me.

      I pulled my phone out, searching my list for the art gallery owner.

      "What are you doing?"

      "Instead of flowers and candy, I think I'm going to buy her a piece of art."

      "Does she like art?"

      "She likes anything that speaks to or creates history." It was a dumb idea, but since I had no good ones, this would have to do. I’d lusted for Gwen practically from the moment I bumped into her. But I’d fallen for her over long discussions of history, art, and life. I couldn’t possibly know if she’d felt anything beyond lust for me, but if she had, the best way to rebuild her trust and respect was by connecting to her through her passions.