Emma just looks, well, like she’s having a baby. Panting, sweating, writhing around and breathing hard. Trying to keep herself controlled and listening to him, looking to him for direction, putting all her trust and faith in him that he will get her through this, and I suddenly feel overly emotional. Looking at Arrick and knowing I would need that of him, I do always need that of him.Emma suddenly arches her back and groans like a wild animal and Jake reaches out to Arrick’s dumped pile of towels and grabs a few, pulling them back between her legs on the floor and creating a nest of absorbency. Intent on what he’s doing, oblivious to our presence, not that either of us is worth anything right now.“Push, baby...  the head right here. Just a little push and we get this one out. Fastest birth ever, Bambino.” Emma makes a horrible grunty, groany, almost scream-like noise, that has me screwing up my face in complete traumatization; menta

He looks so deadly serious, delivering another wound to my soul and I break down properly. Heart-wrenching with how bad this can feel, how bad his rejections always affect me, and I start to cry painfully. Like a wounded child who doesn’t care if anyone sees her. Arrick moves towards me as tears make their way down my face, his own face crumbling at the sight of them, and losing all resolve.“Stop crying, Mimmo, you know I hate seeing you cry.” His voice breaks with emotion, reaching for me, soft and tender, but I just slap his hands away aggressively. Full fury pouring out at his rejection, heart bruised again and not in the mood to have any more of his touches, innocent or not. He just messes me up.“Go to hell.” I walk past him at speed, shoving him aside with a shoulder bump, determined to get away from the source of my pain and head towards home. Arrick pauses for a moment, watches me, and then follows me closely.&ldq

I have finally unpacked the clothes I want to keep handy, into Arrick’s spare room wardrobe, and every other box is piled neatly in the corner. I know with the speed the Carreros get things done, I should have an apartment sooner than later. I’m looking forward to having my own space though and if last night is anything to go by, staying here will get harder as time passes. The sooner I move out and get some distance, a real step up in my life, get this show on the road, so to speak, the sooner I will feel better.The drive home was strained, mostly silent, and Arrick hasn’t even tried to talk me out of my mood. He left me be to stare at the scenery, lost in my own thoughts and listen to the radio. Four hours of music and heavy silence, with only the odd conversation about food when he stopped at a drive through-u. I have literally lost all will to even try today, and he is doing what he does best. Submerged in his head, mulling over God knows what and prese

I don’t know even how to react to that, and all I can feel are Natasha’s trusting eyes on us, as we both act like guilty kids whose mom just caught them dry humping on the couch. I grab it from him as we both catch it and click on any button my finger hits. Only it’s worse, and it is actual porn this time, with an up-close view of someone’s ass being violated by the world’s biggest penis. Arrick has one of those dumb TV’s with internet crap and buttons for crazy things. It would seem he has a direct link to porn on this damn demon-like contraption, which actually surprises me. He doesn’t seem like the porn type. I throw him a serious questioning, if a little accusatory, frown as he slaps a hand over my eyes, covering them.“For the love of God.” Arrick groans and slides the thing from my fingers as I push his other off my face, to do some

I spend the morning filling out applications and emailing Jake’s assistant back, over apartments she’s sent me to look over. Choosing a couple that I think look nice I tell her to set me up viewings for as soon as possible. One of them is small, close to the school, and looks cozy and easy to maintain. My instant gut reaction to the pictures is that it is more than a possibility.Arrick came back so late last night I didn’t even hear him come home. Sound asleep and oblivious to what time he came back after tossing and turning myself into unconsciousness. I don’t want to know anything about where they were, what they said, or what they did. I don’t even want to know what time he showed up, because my mind will probably point in directions that kill me, about what they could’ve been doing half the night at her apartment. I’m so not able to cope with tha