The girls pay for their stuff and we leave the store. “Wait, where are Lucy and Jaime?” Ayo says, looking around. “Oh, with Patrick’s 50 meter dash to the bathroom, I forgot to tell you guys,” I laugh.  “Jaime and Lucy said that they were going to go check out what movies were playing.” Jess and Ryan give each other a look and smile.  “Looks like we’ve got two new couples in the group,” Ryan says. “Two?  Wait, you mean…” I say, a little dumbfounded.  I look between Ryan and Jess.  Then I grin.  “It’s about damn time that Jaime found someone!”

Music continues to play as we eat, switching from modern songs to songs that are from my parents’ teenage years.  Amazingly, Ryan knows them all.  She sings along to Midnight Train to Georgia, Celebration, and ABC with her parents and mine.  The highlight of the impromptu sing-along happens when she and my father sing the Devil Went Down to Georgia, playing air fiddle with the music.  Ryan fits in seamlessly with my family and even Lucas seems to enjoy her extensive video game knowledge (he and Jake came out after a while to scavenge for food before heading back in).

I had another episode while in my room last night.  It was about the first time that I met Mr. Shift.  I nearly killed myself trying to run away from the pain that Tommy had put me in.  The worst part was that I was nearly asleep when it happened and I wasn’t able to convince myself that it wasn’t real.  Jake heard me screaming and ran into my room. I hit him!  Thinking it was Tommy coming for me, I reached out and hit Jake.  I screamed and clawed and kicked and hit with all my might.  My parents came in to see Jake’s face and arms bleeding as he tried to hold me down so that I didn’t hurt myself. When I realized what I’d done, I fall apart.  My Jake.  My sweet, loving Jake.  The one who found me when I tried to kill myself. 

I check the time and see that Ryan and her parents are due in about 10 minutes.  I start putting my papers away and setting the room up for clients.  Typically, I take Tuesday mornings off for paperwork, but when Ryan’s family called me yesterday, I put them in my schedule.  I knew that this was going to be a hard time for her.  Ryan hasn’t had to deal with seeing Tommy for almost a year.  His lawyer has made multiple appeals and motions to try and overturn the original conviction, but Ryan hasn’t had to appeal in court.  Tommy has run out of options and will be sentenced.  But that means that Ryan will have to see him again to give her impact statement.  Even though we have all known it was coming, PTSD doesn’t take longevity into account.   I had suspected and feared that she would begin having more and more episodes.

After waiting for about 30 minutes, Lisa opens the door and ushers us in.  Carter is sitting on the couch next to Ryan.  They both stand up and he kisses her cheek. “I’ll be right outside, ok?” he says.  Then he goes out to the waiting room. I have so many mixed feelings about Carter.  He’s a great young man, he really is.  He’s kind, thoughtful, polite, courteous, and generous.  Plus, he’s a great cook!  Honestly, if Tommy had never been a part of our lives, I would say that Carter was the perfect guy for Ryan. But Tommy was and continues to be a part of our lives and there is a small part of me that wants to scream anytime Carter goes anywhere near my daughte