All Chapters of I'm Not Waiting Anymore: Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

By the time I got back from the hospital, it was after eight at night.I was still standing in the doorway, hadn't even gotten my shoes off, when I heard Vivian laughing.She was on the phone with Miles, having the time of her life."I thought that movie was hilarious too. Let's go see it in theaters again sometime. The plot was insane, especially the ending—"Vivian glanced up and saw me in the doorway, white as a sheet. Her expression didn't change at all.She just put a hand over the mouthpiece. "I'm in the middle of something with Miles, so I'm going to the study. I was tired today, so I didn't cook. Order yourself some takeout."You've got a bad stomach and your surgery's in a couple of days, right? Order from a chain. They're cleaner."Then, without waiting for me to answer, she put the phone back to her ear."Oh, Miles, there's this documentary you'd love. Have you seen it? It's called—"She turned and walked straight into the study, and shut the door behind her.I loo

I didn't say anything. I just looked at Vivian, cold, waiting for an explanation.My staring wore her down."I went to pick Miles up. That's why I'm late."Sorry.""Mm," I said, with nothing behind it, and picked up the menu.Vivian watched me, a little startled. She'd expected a scene, and instead the whole thing had slid right past.I raised a hand for the server."The prix fixe, please. Swap the wine for warm water."Across the table, Miles leaned in and pointed at the menu, wheedling."Oh, the date-night platter looks so good. Too bad Aaron can't do seafood, so we can't. But Vivian and I both love it. What if we got one anyway?"Aaron, would that be okay?"Vivian's brows pulled together.We'd already had a fight over seafood on the reception menu, and now this — a date-night platter. However close she was with Miles, even she knew it wasn't appropriate."Miles, maybe let's not order the—""Sure."I cut her off without looking up.Vivian's eyes on me went strange. In

The red-eye was quiet.Half asleep, I dreamed about the last thing Jordan had said to me."It's not about one message. It's about the thousand messages just like it."Aaron. Stop crying."That evening I'd still taken a picture of the sunset, because it was worth taking. I just hadn't sent it to Vivian with some annoying little remark attached.I'd saved it to my camera roll instead.I believed I'd find the person who wanted to hear my nonsense, and who'd give me theirs back.I'd turned to look at my best friend, and I'd smiled, finally letting go of it."I'm all right."I don't think I love Vivian that much anymore."The plane touched down in Fairhaven at four in the morning.I was so tired I couldn't hold my eyes open, never mind unlock my phone. I found a hotel near the airport and went straight down. The mattress swallowed me and I slept like the dead.When I opened my eyes again, the light coming through the gap in the curtains was blinding.Almost noon.I plugged the

Vivian got herself thrown out of the building.Her hand went for her phone on reflex — somebody in our circle must have seen me, somebody had to know where I'd gone.Then her finger stalled over the contacts, and she went still.In that city, she was the only thing holding me up. The only person I knew.The understanding came late, and it came all at once, and it very nearly drowned her.Vivian called Jordan.Jordan has a hell of a temper.The call connected and the receiver went off in her ear before she could get a syllable out."Vivian, you've got some nerve calling me."She knew she had no ground. She tried to explain."Jordan, I'm only worried about him being on his own—""Shut up."Jordan cut straight through her."You're worried about him? Where was that? You were too busy cooking for another man, going to the movies with another man, spending your whole evening on the phone with another man!"Vivian, you're playing both sides and calling it friendship. Emotional c

Early summer came around again, and the first cicadas started up.I finally accepted Vivian's friend request.Almost the next second her message popped up, giddy with it. "Aaron, you're finally willing to talk to me... Does this mean you forgive me?"I looked at the screen, let my fingers rest a moment, and then typed it out straight."No."I'm telling you because I'm seeing someone. Please stop sending me these. I don't want my girlfriend getting the wrong idea."Then I sent a few photos.In them, Sophie was in a long pale-cream dress, standing next to me, her chin tipped up, looking at me with more softness in her face than anyone has a right to. I was grinning so wide my eyes had crinkled almost shut. It was the kind of happy that comes from somewhere real, with nothing behind it.Vivian's side went dead quiet for a long time.That afternoon, the sunset turned the whole street warm gold.Sophie and I were standing outside my building, going red in the face over something c