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All Chapters of Recovery Report: I No Longer Need You: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10

10 Chapters

Chapter 1

The moment the shredder stopped, Hugh Specter's name flashed across my phone. I didn't answer."Ms. Paulsen, are you sure you want to cancel all six remaining appointments?" the receptionist, Tessa Caldwell, asked as she glanced at the strips of paper inside the shredder. "Dr. Specter said you're at a critical stage in your treatment, and stopping abruptly could cause you to regress.""I'm sure," I replied, leaving my appointment card on the counter. "Don't worry about the refund.""Ms. Paulsen, you've been seeing Dr. Specter for a long time," Tessa suddenly whispered. "Do you know if he and Ms. Rafferty are actually dating? The way they've been around each other during her appointments… They look so sweet together!"I locked my phone. "I have no idea."I hadn't even made it halfway down the block when Hugh came after me and grabbed my wrist."Why did you cancel your appointments?""No physical contact in week four," I said, glancing at his hand around my wrist. Hugh pause

Chapter 2

As I snapped the pill bottle shut, another notification lit up my phone.Sonia had sent me a friend request with a message."Ms. Paulsen, Dr. Specter is staying at my place tonight," she texted. "I assume you've gotten used to handling things on your own by now, right?"Then she sent me a photo. Hugh's coat was draped over a chair in her bedroom, and hanging beside it was a pair of men's pajama pants I'd never seen before. Hugh didn't come home until two in the morning. The first thing he did was take my phone from me. He ordered, "Unlock it.""Why?""Delete what Sonia sent you," he said, looking utterly unfazed as he stood beside the bed. "She has severe insecurity issues. That's why she provokes people to reassure herself that she matters. You studied psychology, didn't you? You should understand that.""I only minored in psychology for a year," I retorted. "I'm not the expert here.""Then don't use an outsider's judgment to question professional treatment," he shot back

Chapter 3

"I made too much food," Sonia said, stepping aside to let us in. "Ms. Paulsen, why don't you stay and have some?"After examining her finger, Hugh took out a Band-Aid. "It's not a deep cut. Next time, clean it first instead of immediately calling me."She nodded. "I knew you'd come."Hugh faltered, but he didn't deny it. My chest tightened as I braced myself against the doorframe. The smartwatch on my wrist beeped, showing my heart rate had climbed to 137. "You're turning an ordinary situation into a catastrophe," Hugh said, glancing at it. "Do four sets of deep breathing.""I want to go home.""Running away will only reinforce your fear.""I can't breathe.""You can," he assured me. "You just feel like you can't."Sonia sat on the couch, still holding onto Hugh's sleeve. "Does Ms. Paulsen hate me? Dr. Specter, maybe you should take her home. I'll be fine by myself."He didn't pull away. Instead, he picked up a paper bag from the coffee table and handed it to me. "

Chapter 4

Hugh ended the video call. "I'll get the ring back once Sonia is emotionally stable," he said. "Taking it from her right now could trigger another self-harm episode. But you're different. You've learned how to cope with losing things that carry emotional meaning."I stared at him, overwhelmed by a surge of mixed emotions. "So the better I get at following your treatment, the more I'm expected to give up for her?""It's only temporary," Hugh argued. "The stuffed bunny was temporary. The medication was temporary. And now the ring is temporary. Hugh, will you only consider my treatment a success when there's nothing left for me to lose?"He didn't answer. Just then, the doorbell rang. Sonia stood outside, still wearing my ring and clutching my journal. "I'm here to apologize," she said, stepping inside. She placed the journal on the coffee table, and I realized its cover was warped from water damage. Inside, more than a dozen pages had been torn out and folded into paper

Chapter 5

I didn't turn back, nor did I expect Hugh to come after me. For the first time in seven years, I didn't turn to him when I had a panic attack. Instead, I went to the emergency department of a nearby hospital, sat at the triage desk, and handed the nurse the heart-rate and health data from my smartwatch."I can't catch my breath. My hands are numb, and my chest hurts. I have a history of anxiety.""You're doing well," the nurse said gently, helping me into a chair. "We'll check your blood oxygen levels first, and the doctor will be with you shortly."No one told me I was exaggerating my feelings or asked me to prove that I was calm enough to deserve help.Once the tests ruled out any physical cause for my symptoms, the doctor on call contacted the hospital's psychiatry department. The psychiatrist who came to see me was Dr. Roy Xanders. He read through my records before asking, "Is Hugh Specter your partner and your therapist?""Yes.""Did he ever disclose the risks of havin

Chapter 6

After being discharged, I moved into a temporary rental apartment. Hugh sent me one message every day. On the first day, it was "Have you eaten breakfast yet?" The next day, he wrote, "It's going to be cold tonight. Remember to close your windows." On the third day, he sent me a picture of my stuffed bunny, freshly cleaned. "I've already cleaned it," he said. "It's back in its original spot now."I didn't reply to any of his messages. On the fifth day, Hugh stopped me downstairs at my apartment building, holding a container of my favorite takeout. "Just give me ten minutes.""Dr. Specter, did you make an appointment?"The dark circles beneath his eyes made him look as though he hadn't slept in days. "Don't call me that," he said. "Then what do you want me to call you?" I asked. "My boyfriend? Or my therapist?"Hugh didn't answer. "You haven't been eating well lately," he said, holding out the takeout. "Taking your medication on an empty stomach will make you nau

Chapter 7

A month later, the state licensing board contacted me. Sonia had filed a complaint against me—not Hugh. She claimed that, out of jealousy, I'd interfered with her treatment, threatened her in public, and illegally possessed her prescription medication. Darren Bender, a representative from the board, asked if I'd like to provide a statement. I placed the evidence bag on the table. Inside were the medication bag, the note, my appointment records, the remaining pages of my journal, and a scanned copy of the long-time observation report."Hugh was the one who gave me the medication," I said. "He took my journal without my permission, and he repeatedly mixed up our prescriptions."Darren turned to the observation report, and his expression grew increasingly serious. "Did you ever sign an informed consent form for this study?""No.""Did you know how long you'd been observed?""No.""This document shows that the report was last updated three months ago."My breath caught. Hu

Chapter 8

After Hugh's license was suspended, his clinic shut down. Tessa called me and told me he'd been sitting in the consultation room for the past few days, reluctant to pack up his things. "Ms. Paulsen, he's been staring at your appointment card for ages. Can you talk to him?""No.""But he's really regretting it now," Tessa said. "That doesn't mean I have to accommodate him."I hung up and went back to the assignments Dr. Xanders had given me. It wasn't about forcing myself not to reach out to anyone. It was about learning to distinguish between my needs. When my heart started racing, I could ask for help. When I was hurting, I could say so. I came to understand that wanting to be held wasn't a disorder. …That afternoon, I attended my first support group session. When it was my turn to speak, I said, "I used to think recovery meant never having to ask anyone for help.""And what do you think now?" the woman sitting beside me asked. "Now I think recovery means knowi

Chapter 9

Six months later, Sonia asked to meet me. She'd lost a lot of weight, and she no longer spoke to me in that sweet, innocent tone. "I'm not here to ask you to withdraw your testimony," she said, sliding a file across the table. "These are recordings Hugh never submitted. I found them on my old phone."I didn't touch the file. "Why are you giving it to me?""Because I'm getting proper treatment now," Sonia said, staring at her cup. "My new doctor told me Hugh didn't ask me to wait because he loved me. He kept me around as a backup—a safe place to return to. He needed someone who depended on him, and he needed someone else who would keep waiting for him."I hurt you back then because I thought that if I could prove your condition was worse than mine, he'd choose me."She paused. "But he didn't choose either of us," she continued after a moment. "He chose himself. He always had to be the right one."There were three audio recordings in the file. The first was from seven years

Chapter 10

Another five weeks passed, and I moved again. I had a soft, comfortable couch in my new living room. Whenever a panic attack hit, I'd hug one of the couch cushions tightly and call someone from my support group. If someone answered, I'd talk to them. If no one did, I'd breathe at my own pace. I no longer treated getting through an attack alone as something to be proud of. …One Friday evening, I went to a bookstore nearby to pick up a few books. When I went to pay, the cashier told me there was another copy still sealed in the stockroom and asked someone to bring it out.A few minutes later, Hugh came out from behind the shelves carrying a cardboard box. He saw me and stopped. We hadn't seen each other in a year. He'd lost some weight. There was dust on the cuffs of his shirt, and he wasn't wearing a name tag. He handed the book to the cashier without saying a single word to me. After I paid, I turned to leave. "Zara," he called out after me. I looked back. "How

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