How Does 'Back When We Were Grownups' Explore Midlife Crisis?

I just finished 'Back When We Were Grownups', and it nails that midlife crisis vibe perfectly. Rebecca, the protagonist, throws this big party and suddenly questions everything—her career, her marriage, even her identity. The book doesn’t just skim the surface; it digs into how she romanticizes the past, imagining this alternate life where she married her college sweetheart instead of her late husband. Her constant what-ifs are painfully relatable. The way Tyler writes her internal monologue makes you feel her restlessness, like she’s suffocating under the weight of her choices. What’s brilliant is how mundane triggers—a photo, a conversation—send her spiraling. It’s not some dramatic meltdown; it’s quiet, everyday despair masked by hosting parties and managing family drama. The book’s genius lies in showing how midlife crises aren’t about grand gestures but about the slow burn of regret.

'Back When We Were Grownups' handles midlife crisis with such nuance, I couldn’t put it down. Rebecca’s story isn’t just about aging; it’s about confronting the gap between who she is and who she imagined she’d become. Tyler structures the novel around Rebecca’s dual timelines—her present as a widow running a party-planning business and her flashbacks to college, where she was this ambitious, romantic young woman. The contrast is brutal. Her crisis isn’t marked by clichés like buying a sports car; it’s in how she obsessively replays her decision to marry Joe, wondering if she chose safety over passion.

What struck me was the family dynamics. Rebecca’s stepdaughters treat her like an outsider, her biological daughter distances herself, and her siblings see her as the 'glue' holding everyone together. The pressure of these roles amplifies her crisis. Tyler’s prose is masterful in showing how Rebecca’s identity got swallowed by caregiving—first for Joe, then for his kids, then for her grandkids. The turning point comes when she tracks down her college boyfriend, only to realize nostalgia distorted her memories. The book’s message is subtle but powerful: midlife isn’t about fixing the past but accepting the present.

For readers who connect with this, I’d suggest 'Olive Kitteridge' for another layered take on aging, or 'The Vanishing Half' for themes of identity and alternate lives.

This novel dissects midlife crisis through Rebecca’s quiet unraveling. She’s 53, a widow, and the matriarch of a chaotic family, but Tyler makes her existential dread feel fresh. The crisis isn’t loud; it’s in the details—how Rebecca critiques her reflection, how she startles at being called 'Grandma,' how she fantasizes about her college boyfriend while folding laundry. Tyler’s genius is in framing her crisis as a series of small rebellions: canceling a party last minute, dyeing her hair, even flirting with an old flame. These aren’t drastic acts, but for Rebecca, they’re revolutionary.

The book also explores how society dismisses women’s midlife struggles. Rebecca’s family calls her 'dramatic,' her friends assume she’s fine, and even her therapist misses the mark. Tyler contrasts her with Poppy, her free-spirited sister, who embraced aging without regret. Their dynamic highlights how crises aren’t universal—they’re shaped by personality and circumstance. The ending is ambiguous but hopeful; Rebecca doesn’t find answers, but she stops searching for them. If you liked this, try 'A Spool of Blue Thread' for more family sagas or 'The Midnight Library' for alternate-life themes.