What The Pirate Said On His 80th Birthday, In A Dad Joke

Seven days before our wedding, Danny Wagner—my childhood sweetheart—got down on one knee for Mia Kant, the broke girl he'd been sponsoring. Right in front of me and his buddies. I didn't cry. Didn't lose it. Just slapped a smile on my face and said, "Wishing you two a lifetime of happiness." His buddies? Oh, they had the nerve to tell me to be generous and let Danny help Mia finish her "wish list." Danny, unsatisfied and ticked off, said I was overreacting and demanded an apology. Dismissive, he sneered, "I said I'd marry you after Mia's wish list was done. Stop being so unreasonable." I knew this was the last item on her list. I opened my notes app, scrolled to my wish list, and deleted all thirty-three bullet points. Done. Then I made a call. "I'm willing to marry you."

This is a story of two close friends (Courtney and Judy) and the odds that meet them as soon as Courtney turns 18. They hope for a bright future together but have no clue on things that are yet to unfold in their lives.

After twenty-five years of trying to win over Gus Harding, I failed and died by his hand. But he didn't know that. He kept threatening, demanding I show myself immediately. The real heiress slapped him hard. "Genevieve is dead, and you didn't even care enough to see her one last time." Gus scoffed, claiming it was just another one of my tricks. Only when he saw my cold, lifeless body did he finally understand. I was gone for good. And this time, it drove him mad.

Jess and her boyfriend spends the evening in a library arguing with a stranger if vampires and werewolves were real. Apparently, Jess believes they are real while her boyfriend and the other guy believes they aren't. The night is far spent so Jess and her boyfriend decides to retire to their home. They had walked quite a distance when Jess remembered that they didn't have the boy's contact. Determined to prove him wrong in future by a research she planned on carrying out about werewolves later on, Jess goes back to the library in search of him, despite her boyfriend's disapproval. Jess is shocked to find the boy who had argued all night with her that werewolves do not exist, transform into a werewolf. Apparently, it was the full moon and he came out at the wrong time. The wolf grabbed her before she could escape; At that moment, her life took a drastic turn, that she would have never imagined. A werewolf said: Werewolves are not real.

“I Do” hearing those two words coming from him breaks my heart into million pieces again. I lost him forever. Everything is happening infront of me. I closed my eyes and started thinking about our memories and trying to forget them forever. Then we heard “No!” shocking each and one of us. But who cares, He said “I Do”…

On my birthday, the dining table was loaded with all my favorites. My mom had been cooking and baking the entire afternoon, insisting everything be perfect for when Mike got home from work so we could celebrate together. But then, he called and said his first love had been drugged at a bar, and he had to go help her. I stopped him and begged him not to go. Mike snapped at me. "Jesus, Em, don’t pull this jealous wife crap. She’s alone, defenseless, and unconscious—I can't let some random dude take advantage of her!" My mother heard those words and was so enraged that she had a heart attack. She died on the spot. Just like that, my mom died on my birthday. I called Mike, asking him to attend my mom's funeral. But before he could reply, I saw Cathy Miller's latest Instagram post, captioned: [Mikey… after all these years, it was always you.] Mike had liked it. My thumb moved before my brain caught up, typing out the only words that mattered: [A homewrecker and a lying bastard. Hope you rot together.]