My Name Escapes Me: The Diary Of A Retiring Actor

Content Warning: This story contains mature themes intended for adult audiences. Reader discretion is advised. ***** The Manhood Diaries is an unfiltered secret collection of male confessions: raw, intense, and deeply personal. Told through the voices of different men, each story peels back the layers of masculinity to reveal desire, vulnerability, power, and hidden truths rarely spoken aloud. Through their experiences, the book explores manhood from within: the struggles, the secrets, the passions, and the contradictions. Bold and unapologetic, it offers a gripping look into the private worlds men live but seldom share.

In the seventh year of marrying into the Dawson family, Amanda Dawson's childhood friend, Leroy Blanchard, has returned from overseas. Leroy is very outgoing and handsome, not to mention he's extremely capable, too. Soon, he becomes the apple of everyone's eye. Even my father-in-law, who has never liked me, to begin with, has nothing but praises for Leroy. On Leroy's birthday, Amanda spends a huge amount of money in organizing his birthday party before declaring her love for him in a high-profile manner. The entire city is waiting to watch me, the legally-wedded husband, embarrass myself just so I can kick up a huge fuss over the whole thing. But I merely smile faintly before packing my things and getting ready to leave. I've been in this world for seven years. Finally, I'm about to finish acting out all of my scenes as the lovesick male supporting lead.

Everyone knows Francesco Greco, heir to the largest mafia family in Solerio, is a notorious playboy. Yet when he swears to God that he'll love me for the rest of his life, I choose to believe him. He lives up to his words during the first year of our marriage. The Greco heir, whose presence alone terrorizes others, clings to me like a loyal puppy at home. But by the second year, he starts returning home with one lover after another. Rumors of his scandalous affairs spread, and I become the laughingstock of Solerio. On our eighth anniversary, his 99th lover taunts me in front of everyone at dinner. "Don't sleep in the master bedroom tonight," she says. "Mr. Greco and I are going to have some fun there. Also, change the sheets. I can't stand how dirty your things are." Everyone expects me to break down under such humiliation. Instead, I smile and turn on my heel. Then, I dial Madre Greco's number. "Madre, it's been eight years," I say, my voice steady. "It's time for me to leave."

For five years, I played the ghost in my own marriage. I pressed Julian Daniel’s pristine suits, matched his cufflinks, and sat by the window like a loyal dog, waiting for the "Ice King" CEO to look at me with something resembling desire. Instead, I received clinical kindness and a box containing a gold watch. Every anniversary, the exact same script. It was his way of checking a box - a tax he paid for a life he felt obligated to support. I sacrificed my career as a prima ballerina, shattering my legs to push him out of the path of a speeding car. He didn't marry a wife; he locked away a debt. The anniversary script burned to ash on our fifth year. Standing outside the bathroom door, I heard the raw, unbridled passion Julian had denied me for half a decade. He wasn't breathing my name into the steam. He was choking out the name of his high school heartbreak: Penelope. The betrayal didn't end in our bedroom. It followed me to a high-end restaurant where Julian hosted a private lunch. Pushing open the heavy wooden doors, I didn't find a husband willing to defend his wife. I found his childhood friend dragging his foot in a cruel, mocking circle, mimicking my limp to a room erupting in roars of laughter. Penelope doubled over in delight. And Julian? He sat at the head of the table, watching my humiliation with a look of pure, unbothered boredom. “I owe her,” his voice cut through the fading laughter, calm and tired. “I am just trying to pay back a debt.”

After I got a second chance at life, I stopped bringing lunch to my wife, who had become the factory manager. She would leave for meetings through the south gate, so I would sneak around through the north. In my previous life, I knew she only married me with an ulterior motive, but I still fell for her. I thought I could warm her heart over time. However, Shirley Scott was always just polite to me, nothing more. When I tried to get close, she would hand me a book and say, "Read more so people won't look down on you." Once, with a bit of liquid courage, I hugged her. Yet, she just stood there, stiff as a board, and said, "It's what married folks do." Years later, as I was dying, I read her memoir and learned about how she felt trapped in our marriage, like being stuck in the mud. She hoped she would never have to be with me again in another life. That hurt more than anything. However, then, I woke up and discovered that I was back to when there were whispers about her and the factory's technician. This time, I did not make a scene. I just asked for a divorce.

My mate, Ethan Rickman, is an Omega without a wolf. No official position is willing to hire him. That means we live in poverty, but I've always believed that our love can overcome anything. Seven years after our mating, hunger drives me and our son, Theo Rickman, to dig through trash bins late at night, looking for food. Theo moves quickly and quietly. He's become skilled at it. With a cheerful grin, he whispers to me, "Mom, this bin belongs to an award-winning restaurant! The food's fresh and tastes great. Let's bring some back for Dad!" The next day, I put on the cleanest clothes I own and head to that same restaurant, hoping to get hired as a janitor. If I get the job, maybe I can bring home leftovers before they're tossed out. But when I look up, I see Ethan stepping out of a luxury car worth millions. Behind him stands a woman and child, both dressed in designer clothes. I recognize her instantly. She's Mira Alstone, his childhood sweetheart. The restaurant owner gives me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Ms. Everdeen. Alpha Ethan reserved the whole place for Mira today. I have to focus on serving them, so I don't have time for interviews. Maybe come back another day?" In that moment, Theo and I both freeze where we stand.