Thinking In Pictures: And Other Reports From My Life With Autism

Being a mute used to be simple before all the craziness started. I just can't talk and that's who I am. Mum has learned to accept that and I guess so have I. Everything was just fine in my high school in Shanghai. I had finally made it to year twelve and even though I was in China, I was actually being treated as a human being despite my disability. Things were definitely not perfect but I would give anything to go back to that, like it was before. I heard my first voice that year, right at the beginning of year 12. I didn’t really have any real friends, but I was used to it and before the voices started, I was fine with that. But it all changed when I first heard them. The voices inside their heads started then and my life was never the same. They weren't just thinking about school or they girls or guys they were into, no they were thinking about doing things, doing horrible things to each other and I was the only one that knew how messed up they really were.

I have a severe case of logorrhea. Only speaking makes me feel alive. My classmates all call me a freak, but Marvin Britt is the only one willing to listen to me. One day, I bring some homemade soup over to see him, only to catch him holding his junior's hand. "Lexie, your voice is so lovely, unlike my wife at home. She sounds like a squawking duck. It's exhausting." My hands shake so violently that I drop the thermal flask. The commotion angers a nearby madman, who forces a bottle of boiling water down my throat. With my mouth full of blood and blisters, I realize I need proof. I send Marvin—a lawyer—a frantic voice note to accompany me to the police station for evidence. Marvin shoots back a single word—"Noted". Of course. He doesn't even listen to it, as usual. He used to reply to everything I said with voice notes at least a minute long. But we hit the seven-year itch, and he's sick of my endless talking. Leaving the hospital, I stare at my diagnosis of permanent mutism and laugh bitterly. He must be thrilled. His world is finally quiet.

Introducing a view on how different each life we live, there will be drama, heartaches and etc. If you value friendship and family values this is your story.

One photo. Two golden boys. A truth that could destroy everything they've built. Everyone thinks they know me - Perfect grades, perfect girlfriend, student council, perfect future. But it's all a lie to hide who I really am. Until my past caught up with me. Until Chris Moore turns up at summer camp and appears in school on the first day. Until a photo was pinned on my locker on the first day of school — a photo of me staring at Chris across the summer bonfire. And an anonymous note: “I know who you are looking at.” Now my lies are crumbling. The perfect life I built is cracking. And I can't keep pretending. With Chris back in my life, the feelings I buried for two years refuse to stay hidden. Someone is watching. Someone knows my secret. And if the truth comes out, I don't just lose my perfect life. I lose everything.

This an autobiography of a man's childhood day, the horror and the dread that he went through, it also comprises of other happenings that made up his childhood day: both sad and happy moments.

On the day we take our graduation photos, Mom and Dad hold up their cameras, snapping countless pictures of my boyfriend and my best friend. In the viewfinder, the two of them lean in close while my parents watch on with proud, beaming smiles, despite my being their biological daughter and the girl Gavin has been dating for the last four years. I stand off in the corner, clad in my cap and gown, waiting for what feels like an eternity, but Mom never once beckons me over to join them. Once Charlotte finishes her photoshoot, she mentions that she still hasn't lined up a decent job yet. Gavin completely forgets I'm even there and instantly leans in to comfort her. "Why don't you come work at the company I just joined? That way, I can look out for you." Dad nods right along in agreement. "Send me a copy of your resume, Lottie. I'll ask around for you. You shouldn't have to settle, especially when it's your first real job." Nolan walks over carrying a bottle of ice water, but he passes it to Charlotte. "Don't sweat the job hunt, Lottie," he says. "My company's hiring. I'll get you an internal referral." It's only when they catch sight of my hand freezing midair that everyone finally remembers that I'm standing right next to them. "Natalie, you should just find a random job and get on with it," Nolan says. Mom chimes in, "Exactly. You didn't major in anything special, so you should be grateful if a company even wants you. Stop being so picky." As Gavin scrolls through the gallery on his phone, his brow suddenly furrows into a frown. "Natalie's blocking Lottie in this one. I'm deleting it." But out of nearly 400 pictures, that's the only one where I exist. I stand off to the side, my hands tightening into fists. It turns out it isn't a matter of them failing to see me. They see me perfectly fine. They just think I'm a nuisance. It's as if Charlotte is their actual daughter, and my boyfriend belongs right by her side. If that's how it's going to be, then I'm taking the job farthest away from home, and I'm never coming back.