Why Am I Like This?: My Brain Isn't Broken

I was born broken. My Alpha mother was the one who branded me. She said emotion was a sin. A weakness. Especially for a werewolf. Especially for an Alpha’s heir. The day we were born, she clamped emotion-suppressing collars around our necks. Mine and my twin sister's. The slightest flicker of emotion, and the collar flashed red. My mother would then push the button, injecting me with a diluted "silver solution" to suppress my feelings. But my sister Cassia's collar? Always a calm, steady blue. Even when she shattered Mom's precious moonstone, it just pulsed gently. And me? I’d just whisper, "Mom, the thunder scares me," and my collar would erupt in a violent red. Then came the sting of silver poison burning through my blood.. I used to argue. But Mom always said the same thing. "The data doesn't lie. Pain is a teacher. This is for your own good." After thousands of these injections, I started to believe it, too. That I was born out of control. The night of the alliance's Moon Goddess Festival, Mom was taking my sister to the rooftop party. Something scared me during the day. The collar flashed red, and my mother started the punishment. But this time, the collar malfunctioned. It shot a dose a thousand times stronger into my neck. I collapsed on the carpet, begging, "Mother, the collar... it hurts so much... help me." My collar was flashing a frantic red. My mother just looked down at me, drenched in a cold sweat, and pressed the button for the maximum dose. "You'd lose control like this just for attention? You're a lost cause." She turned, took my sister, and slammed the door. I couldn't help but think, Mom must be right. The collar is red. It doesn't really hurt. I'm just being dramatic, looking for pity again. I'm sorry, Mom. In my next life, I'll be the perfect daughter you always wanted.

Being a mute used to be simple before all the craziness started. I just can't talk and that's who I am. Mum has learned to accept that and I guess so have I. Everything was just fine in my high school in Shanghai. I had finally made it to year twelve and even though I was in China, I was actually being treated as a human being despite my disability. Things were definitely not perfect but I would give anything to go back to that, like it was before. I heard my first voice that year, right at the beginning of year 12. I didn’t really have any real friends, but I was used to it and before the voices started, I was fine with that. But it all changed when I first heard them. The voices inside their heads started then and my life was never the same. They weren't just thinking about school or they girls or guys they were into, no they were thinking about doing things, doing horrible things to each other and I was the only one that knew how messed up they really were.

How quickly everything ended by just a single day, I was just like any other girl in the world- laughing and hanging out with friends, taking endless selfies, having crushes on bad boys and nerds included. I never thought or cared about how I look. It was just mine. Normal and Easy. But everything changed in one single moment- a moment filled with fire, screaming metal, and a blur of terror that rewrote my life. I survived. Everybody says I'm lucky but this, this doesn't feel like survival it feels like a punishment, a curse. A curse that am willing to carry all my life. The accident left me with permanent facial disfigurement, and ever since, I've been stuck behind a mask I never asked to wear. My face is the first thing anyone sees, and sometimes, it feels like the only thing they see. I avoid mirrors now. I no longer go out; I can't risk being stared at. Friends faded. Invitations stopped. Of course they would stop, who would want to invite the hideous me. I would scare everyone, worse, ruin their appetite. They would move away from their tables. What did I expect? Life moved on for everyone but me. My mom is the only person in my life right now, shes' become my anchor. Even with her love, it's still hard to silence the voices in my head, the ones saying I'm hideous, broken, unworthy. I miss my old smile. I still haven't done anything in life. And this isn't about my appearance it's about my self- esteem, my confidence, my ability to feel like I belong anywhere. This is a constant battle with the mirror, with the world, and with yourself. And most days, I'm trying to find the strength to look up to.

On the day I get released from prison, Joshua Caldwell's adoptive sister, Madeline Caldwell, hosts a live stream to welcome me home. She makes sure to shove the phone right in my face. "This is my older sister, Victoria. Even though she has gotten violated by 13 people, she still has the courage to continue living in this world." The comment section explodes instantly. Joshua frowns slightly, but Madeline merely sticks her tongue out at him with a cute smile on her face. Instead of going hysterical like I did three years ago, I just smile at everyone. "A woman's body is never her weakness. The offenders are the ones who deserve to die, not me." After returning home, I don't stop Joshua from letting Madeline visit our parents' graves on their death anniversary on my behalf. I don't mind Joshua giving my room away to Madeline and telling me to stay in the storeroom. Even when Madeline pushes me into the water once again, Joshua chooses to save her despite her knowing how to swim. After I get rescued by a passerby, I just go home on my own silently. Mixed feelings swirl in Joshua's eyes as he looks at me. "That three-year sentence has changed you for good, Vicky." I just smile softly in response. All I've done is finally see reality for what it is and not harbor any hopes for him at all. Moreover, the system, which I've lost contact with, has finally returned three days ago. It told me that it could take me home in seven days. But why is it that Joshua loses his mind after I've left this world for real?

Why Me? Have you ever questioned this yourself? Bullying -> Love -> Hatred -> Romance -> Friendship -> Harassment -> Revenge -> Forgiving -> ... The story is about a girl who is oversized or fat. She rarely has any friends. She goes through lots of hardships in her life, be in her family or school or high school or her love life. The story starts from her school life and it goes on. But with all those hardships, will she give up? Or will she be able to survive and make herself stronger? Will she be able to make friends? Will she get love? <<…So, I was swayed for a moment." His words were like bullets piercing my heart. I still could not believe what he was saying, I grabbed his shirt and asked with tears in my eyes, "What about the time... the time we spent together? What about everything we did together? What about…" He interrupted me as he made his shirt free from my hand looked at the side she was and said, "It was a time pass for me. Just look at her and look at yourself in the mirror. I love her. I missed her. I did not feel anything for you. I just played with you. Do you think a fatty like you deserves me? Ha-ha, did you really think I loved a hippo like you? ">> P.S.> The cover's original does not belong to me.

My boyfriend, Aiden Ramsey, loses a game of Truth or Dare during a party. Someone dares him to say ten good things about my best friend, Natalia Williams. Aiden doesn't hesitate at all when he answers, "She's pretty, bubbly, has a great figure, knows how to play coy, loves to smile, has a high EQ, is independent, and has a good sense of aesthetics. Also, she's very good at making other people happy." Natalia picks Aiden again in the next round. She smiles and says, "Tell us about Sylvia's good qualities." Aiden is stunned for a few seconds as he looks at me. In the end, he finally answers, "She's understanding." Someone smiles and tries to smooth over the situation by asking, "What else?" Aiden frowns, seeming to be deep in thought. However, he's unable to come up with another good thing about me. A wave of exhaustion suddenly washes over me as the awkward silence stretches on. Aiden and I have been dating for seven years. We're going to get married soon. However, even after mulling over his thoughts for such a long time, the only good thing that he can say about me is that I'm understanding. I decide that I'm not going to be understanding anymore.