Novels by Cilla

It was a noisier cafeteria that afternoon.I had just ended a group meeting with some guys in my business course and all I wanted to do was to eat and have a few minutes to relax. However, the minute I stepped in those twin doors, I had already figured that peace was not going to happen.There were too many eyes in one direction.And there in the midst of all that commotion was Natalie.She was sitting by herself at the window eating like no one was there. For a second, I stopped moving. I had not seen her since... everything.And fuck, she did not look like. It is not the same girl who was waiting outside my apartment or laughing at stupid jokes. She was cool as though she had already been in hell and did not care what happened next.Then my stomach knotted as I watched Cassandra walk up to her table with a drink in her hand with Maya and Jenna following her like trained animals."Oh, fuck," I said to myself.I had already guessed that this would be bad.I considered going over immed

Natalie's POVThe alarm went off at six.After several weeks, for once, I didn't hit snooze.A minute I stood and looked at the ceiling, and left the silence to fall on me. My room was cold, dark and plain, there was nothing about it that cried home. But it was silent, and silence was enough.I scrambled out of bed and stood before the mirror. The puffs on my eyes had subsided, the traces of the mishap were becoming less painful, but the one in me was still new and sore. I placed a hand on my stomach and shook my head. No crying today.I pulled my jeans, a hideous shirt, and pulled my hair in a sweaty ponytail. Simple. No makeup, no pretense. Just me.Today, I had lectures. Back to the same college, same dorms, same gossips. I did not mean to hide this time.By the time I arrived at the university courtyard, the venue was already in a buzz. It was nearly normal, as the sound of laughter, the sound of feet on a sidewalk and the sound of music in the distance made it feel that way.Exce

Natalie's POVNight air outside the Lawson house was chillier than it ought to be.I'd walked home with a cracked make-up face, my heels were stabbing my feet, and wedding guffaws still followed me in echoes like a phantom.I took off the shoes the moment I stepped across the door. They banged into the wall.And last, but far from least, Victoria's disapproving and always-right tone."Seriously, Natalie, why on earth do you need to be acting like some sort of heathen? Be some sort of woman from a respectable home, for goodness' sake."I turned to face her. "Respectable?" I laughed. "That's no longer a word spoken in this house, is it?"She rolled her eyes at her. "You're still bitter. How sad. You stalked the whole night like a ghost bride.""Perhaps because I was having a party for a funeral," I growled, "My own."Victoria tutted and pushed me away. "You need to apologize to Jake for a second chance. Cassandra was the better choice to begin with anyway. I mean she's classy, gorgeous,

Natalie's POVThe wedding itself was the Lawsons' worst nightmare, plus more, shallow, tawdry, and showy. The kind of luxury that is overweight with roses and decay.I sat in the back of the black sedan while Victoria reapplied lipstick for the tenth time in the rearview mirror at the rear of the vehicle. She perfumed the air with something heavy, smiled like the diamond clasp on her neck.You'll be a good girl, Natalie," she glared over her shoulder without looking at me. "No tantrum, no screaming. Sit there, smile for the cameras, and pretend the Hayes family still has morals in them."Those brutal words cut me like swords beneath my skin. "I never said I'd be making a scene."."You don't have to say it," she growled. "You just do always find a way to embarrass me." She spun her skirt around her legs and gasped for air, as if I were the assignment handed. "Don't blow this, Natalie. In case someone asks, you're happy for them. That's the script. Got it?"After my nod. Still. Taken. U

Natalie's POVSunlight streamed through the curtains, pale and feeble. It held no warmth to give. Not to me, not to this house fast turning into a tomb of my failure.I was sitting on the window seat, knees tucked up, staring down at the garden below. Roses were dead, or at least had ceased trying to grow here. I could tell.It'd been days since I'd battered my back against the world. Campus gossip still hung in my head, the laughter, the sympathy, the disgust. All the things they'd thrown as knives.Today. Today, I was not crying.I'd cried all my tears, all my breath, all my will for attempting to comprehend a world that'd already branded me as its antagonist.So today, there was only. silence.Not peace. Silence.I was not going to beg. Not for Jake. Not for love. Not for anyone's sympathy.Maybe this was what freedom tasted like - cold, hollow, and a little reckless.I was somewhere else a thousand miles away in my mind when the door groaned open.Victoria.Always so put together,

Natalie's POVSomething wasn't right on campus.The air felt sharp.Like every breeze carried whispers.The moment I stepped in through the front gates, I knew I was being looked at, dozens of eyes.It had been weeks since I’d been here. Before, when I was glowing and naive, walked innocently, hand in hand with Jake Lawson, smiling like a fool.Now, I was just... the scandal.I bent down and embraced my bag, and walked into the midst of parked cars. With each step echoed too loud against tiled road, like I was stepping into judgment itself."Is that her?" someone whispered at my back."Oh my God, it’s really her.""She actually came back?"The whispers spread like fire, faster than fire among the students. I did not have to turn to realize that I was being gawked at. Botox girls with fake smiles, boys pretending not to care but clearly enjoying the show.And the first sneer.Whispered. Mean. Recognizable."Hey, look who finally crawled out from hiding."I froze.Cassandra's voice. It