DISCLAIMER: This book has been labeled with mature content, which might contain some inappropriate scenes for some readers.
This is a work of fiction and purely written for entertainment purposes. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Especially to you, jerk. The hollywood monster I wrote here, it’s definitely NOT you. So, sit back and relax. I’m not attacking you.
"I would rather die...," I say nonchalantly.
And as soon as I said that, from where I’m standing, I can see the folks gasp, their mouths falling open, some even jerk their heads back as if I were some kind of disgusting creature. They become breathless, altogether.
They must haven't seen it coming, and neither have I.
I can feel the tension grow thicker in the air by second. So thick that it starts to suffocate me, then crawls to myskin, my flesh. There was nothing but silent screaming within me, drowning me in, piece by piece. Inch by inch. Waiting for his response, until nothing of me left.
“Pardon,” the high priest draws his eyebrows together then glares at me with fierce, yet curious eyes, “do you understand what you just said, dear?”
“Yes, Father,” I whisper, keeping my voice calm, even though I'm beginning to shake. And he shook his head in disbelief.
“I don’t think ye do, child,” he then says, leaning his upper body toward me, creating less space between us. ”This is a very. Serious. Matter. Not a joke,” he stretches out each word as if he wanted to make sure his words sink in me. And it’s for a good reason. “Think through, Amber,” he says.
I couldn’t believe what I just said: I would rather die.
Less than a year ago, I would probably never think of such a thing. And maybe, just maybe, those words didn’t even exist in my vocabulary. What can I say? I was just an oblivious average little girl, with her stupid little dream, happy in her own illusion of a perfect little world. Yet so many things had happened in just less than a year. Something inhuman has been done to me. And just in less than a year, the perfect little world I lived in, slowly turns into a lunatic fucking nightmare that never ends.
I. DON’T. WANT. TO DIE. Not now, not in this way, at least.
Like why does that son of bitch get to live his goddamn life after all the terrible things he has done to me, while I have to suffer the consequence?
It’s fucking unfair. I don’t want to die.
It’s just that--, now, I find living in this disgusting, rooting vessel of sin is too--, painful. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. Go ahead and judge me. You can call me weak, selfish, whatever, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the fact that, to me death--, seems like a less cruel option.
“I know but you don’t leave me any choice.” My husky voice trembles.
“Amber, I think ye misunderstood, we do give thee choices--”
“What choice do I have? Die or grant that monster a right over me for the rest of my life?” I snapped with something flaring inside me, boiling my blood. And the room stun speechless by the gravity of insanity they put me through. Sensing that, I take a deep breath, lift my head up and say, “ I would rather die, Father….”
At this point, death seems more like mercy that I grace upon myself, like a permanent fix, so I don't have to prolong my suffering; enduring his filthy hand on my body, allowing him inside me and breathing life to the recollection of that sickening fucking nightmare, flashing before my eyes over and over again.
“Please let me die.”
“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
When men are oppressed, it's a tragedy. When women are oppressed, it's tradition.
― Letty Cottin Pogrebi
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
― Margaret Atwood
“Life affords you infinite possibilities to pay more attention to what is actually happening. Not just around you but what is Inside you.”
Mid Autumn, a year ago.Late afternoon, the sky was misty, the sunlight diffused but heavy and everywhere, like bronze dust, as I sat down with my legs hanging freely on the edge of the ledge from the top of the highest tower I could ever find in this little bubble; The Bell Tower of Th
"Are you okay, girl?" that voice asked, cautiously. Oh boy, it was a man, an adult man. My nerves trembled on my sweaty palms a
First Snow, 67 days later.Have you ever felt so alive doing something so wrong? My hatred of The nonsense Concept-of-Women's-Happiness-bullshit sister Elise taught me once, two years ago. I remember she said, "--at the end, a woman's ultimate happiness was to fulfill her destiny. To do so, thou shalt be modest but charming, full of smiles, calm in her nature, smooth in her speech, forgiving, loyal and devoted to thy husband, never rejects the will of thy husband and thy attitude towards his wives has no prejudice; sincere and full of understanding--,"
Unwoman Chapter 4
My hatred of The nonsense Concept-of-Women's-Happiness-bullshit sister Elise taught me once, two years ago. I remember she said, "--at the end, a woman's ultimate happiness was to fulfill her destiny. To do so, thou shalt be modest but charming, full of smiles, calm in her nature, smooth in her speech, forgiving, loyal and devoted to thy husband, never rejects the will of thy husband and thy attitude towards his wives has no prejudice; sincere and full of understanding--,"
I could feel his gaze on my stomach, and that's not good. Not at all. I think I have a little panic attack. Especially when he cried out my name."Amber," he drew his eyebrow together as his dark brown eyes tracing my face. He pulls my fac
“You should learn to take care of yourself, sweetie.” Sam said, with a sheepish smirk on her face while she put some melted butter all over my palm, then rubbing it slowly without taking her gelatine green eyes from mine. Made me smell like fresh baked bread. The kind of bread she liked, warm, soft, sweet and docile. And there when I began to hyperventilat
Midwinter.I have always wished that life would be more of two-plus-two and less of the unpredictable mystery box it is. Because to be honest, I hate surprises, especially from the mighty BIG GUY. The last surprise I g
I needed to be alone for a while. So I could cry and scream at the top of my lung as much as my heart needs without anyone calling me crazy, or hysteric. I needed to scream. Too bad, I was not alone, someone has been following me."C