Chapter 7 I’m Not In Love With You

(Calder)

The second her lips parted under mine, I knew I’d miscalculated.

The kiss was supposed to look real.

It wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

For several long seconds, I forgot the world was watching.

That never happens.

By the time I remembered, my body was already ahead of my brain.

I angle us toward the cameras and force control back into the moment.

“Well… that was… something,” Mia says for my ears only.

I shouldn’t be thinking about how easily she answered my need.

Her hand slides dangerously high on my thigh. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

The head of the Wynn Property Development board claps me on the shoulder.

“Good recovery tonight, Wynn. The market prefers relationship stability.”

I smile and shake his hand and we make our way into the silent auction.

After a couple of hours with that kiss still burning on my lips and in my brain, we are finally waiting for the limousine in the valet area.

The driver opens the limousine door. Mia slides in first. I follow.

The privacy glass rises.

She turns to me immediately. “That kiss…” she says.

“It was for the cameras,” I say. “Nothing more.”

The lie sounds almost believable out loud.

“Really?”

“Yes. I told you… adding intimacy will only get your feelings hurt.”

“You gave me your word that you’d give me this next thirty days. Are you going back on that now?”

“Mia, why complicate something that is already defined?”

“The great Calder Wynn,” she says sarcastically. “A man of his word. His word means everything.”

I don’t respond.

Arguing means engaging and engaging means I already lost control.

“You’re a hypocrite,” she adds. “And a coward.”

I look at her. “You’re Yara’s younger sister. I can’t.”

The explanation feels thinner every time I use it.

“Whatever. Cool story, bro.” She crosses her arms. “You know what, just bring me the damn divorce papers.”

“Fine.”

“And give my regards to Emma Pearce as you hand her your balls for her purse.”

I look away to hide the smile threatening to break through. 

The rest of the drive passes without another word.

Silence is easier than admitting why I noticed every inch she didn’t move away from me.

***

The penthouse elevator doors shut behind us.

She kicks off her heels and turns to face me.

“You don’t get to back out.”

“I’m not backing out.”

“You are. You agreed to one month.”

“I can change my mind.”

“Because that kiss got to you.”

“That kiss was company damage control.” Then why didn’t I stop when I should have?

She steps closer. “You are in denial. You can’t handle how you feel.”

“This is ridiculous. You’re overthinking it. That’s exactly why I don’t want to get intimate.”

“Don’t you dare put this back onto me.” She jabs her finger into my chest. “Just admit how you’re feeling.”

My patience snaps. “For God’s sake, Mia!”

I pace a little then come back to face her. “Grow up. I’m not secretly in love with you,” I roar. “I never have been and I never will be.”

The words echo in the room.

“Your ego is bigger than the sun. Fuck.”

Then she laughs. But I can tell she does not think anything is funny.

I stare at her.

“It’s not about you loving me,” she says each word like I’m hard of hearing.

“It’s about you still loving Yara and being in denial about it.”

“We are not doing this.” I rake my hand through my hair. “You are very wrong.”

“You date women who look like her.”

“That’s coincidence.” I exhale hard. 

“It’s no damn coincidence that the dress you liked best on me tonight is in Yara’s favorite shade of blue!” I challenge. 

“I didn’t see it like that, it just looked good on you.”

“It’s time you started seeing it like that. Cal, you are subconsciously choosing her still, and it’s been three years. You have to move your life on.”

“I have moved on. I’m just trying not to hurt you.”

She laughs again. “You really are stupid. This whole thing has hurt me. I knew it would and I still did it. Look, I’m still alive! Wow.”

Mia takes off her necklace and drops it on the side table.

“You slept with other women while I ignored it. I’ve defended you…”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to have scars if we do this and I walk away.”

“You think I don’t have scars?” she continues. “I broke someone’s heart to marry you. I was loved and then hated.”

He looks like this is all news to him. Why would he care about how this marriage affected my life? It solved his problem.

“I walked away from launching my career at the best firm in California. My ex took that job. I’ve watched tabloids rank me against women who look like my sister.”

“You wanted this marriage.” I catch her wrist when she goes to turn away, then haul her back until she lands against me hard enough to make us both draw breath.

“No.” Mia shakes her head. “I wanted to be your wife. I didn’t want this marriage. I wanted a real marriage.”

“I wasn’t ready to be with anyone else.”

“Wrong.” Her fingers knot in my shirt. “You were with plenty of women. Just not me.”

“I told you I couldn’t just jump right into bed with you. That would be wrong.” I loosen her hand from my shirt.

“I got that it might take time. But you never even gave me a chance. It’s soul-crushing.” Her voice shakes, but she lifts her head to mine defiantly.

I focus too long on her mouth.

“You think sex with me fixes your self-esteem?” I lean in as I say it, close enough to catch the heat of her breath.

“No. But it will stop me feeling I’m so unattractive my own husband couldn’t bring himself to touch me in three years.” Her hand rests on my chest.

“You’re not unattractive.” The words come out rougher than I mean them to. I let my fingers skim the side of her neck.

“Then stop treating me like I am.” She gives my tie a sharp pull and brings me closer instead of backing down.

I hold her gaze. I know I’m probably going to regret this.

“There is no emotional revision later. No guilt. No expectations. After thirty days, I walk away clean.” I back her up a step as I say it, then another, until her shoulders meet the wall and my hand flattens beside her head.

She doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.” Her hand slides down curling into the fabric at my waist.

“You won’t beg me to stay.” I brace one arm beside her and drop my head closer, close enough that one shift would close the distance.

“I won’t.” Her voice is quiet and husky now. She presses one knee between mine.

I don’t move away.

“You cannot fall in love with me.” My hand closes over her hip, holding her right where she is. “You can’t force me to love you.”

“I don’t need you to declare you love me, Calder,” she says. “I need you to stop pushing me away because you think Yara will come back one day.”

I pull back from her. What did she just say?

“Why the fuck would Yara coming back matter?” I catch her chin in my hand and make her look at me.

“Because you can’t explain the betrayal of being with me like you can all the other women. She will hate you for it.” Her lips brush my thumb when she says it, and I feel that far too fast.

“Bullshit! I know she’s never coming back. Even if she does, I couldn’t care less what she thinks of anything I do with you.” My voice turns harsh.

My other hand leaves the wall and grips her waist fully now, pulling her flush against me.

“I don’t believe you.” She says it almost against my mouth, not quite touching.

My need explodes and I force myself to wait.

“I hate Yara.” The words leave my mouth before I can take them back.

Mia’s fingers slide into my hair and tighten.