Chapter one

 Chapter : one

          

Since I'm 5 yrs, I always heard adults saying "nobody love walking alone, even problem don't visit people alone. They always move in group". Half of the world population don't understand the meaning of those words, I/4 can't write nor read, so only 1/4 understand. because if you've never experienced it, you would never understand.  For example, This month I've lost everything that really counted to me, I know it suck to be alone or be surrounded but feel lonely. I've ended my education due to fund, i lost my friends and family members and I am sick and tire being manipulated by those I trust. I thought I had friends, oncles and cousin. It was only my imagination, they were all against me.

I don't know about you, but I love reading mangas. They transport me to a world were people reincarnate, where a second chance can be obtained, you can correct you mistake in your second life, you can even prevent injustice to happen since you have magic. There, your efforts are compensated, It's so idealistic, that is why I also read novels, be it historical, romantic or fantasy, they're my heaven. I escaped to this imaginaries world's, when I can't take it anymore. My best novels are " any duchess will do", throne of Glass" and "Jane Eyre", they're more realistic. But I couldn't read in public home due to my locality conventions.

When I went to University I wanted to study English language but I was asked, no forced to study computer science.

The exact problem isn't computer science, since I really like programmation, especially c++ . But it isn't my passion. I really love novels, When start reading a novel, I can't sleep without nowing how it ends, I started reading books in primary school. my brother always bought books on his way home from school.

In college I always came to class with novel, i asked friend to borrow me their novels. I was always drove out of our school library when it closed, since it was the only library in our locality. Libraries were my second houses, since there I could read book without being judged

In University I had an Android phone, I could read anything and every where without anybody judging or being Noisy about it,  Some time I red the night through. I really love reading.

But now, I don't think I will ever trust again, be it GOD or humans. 

I was a perfect daughter, cousin and friend. One day I realized I was the fool, while nobody cares about me or my dreams I fought for theirs. " Le dendon de la phase" as we say in French.

I am moving out of this place, town or any other stupid name it's name as, now. I’m so happy, my dreams are becoming realities. I’m going to move to this new town for a new job, new house in fact new all. Some people find it very difficult to move to another country or town since according to them, they will lonely because they’re moving without family, friends and every other stupidity i can’t bring myself to write about.

I'm happy moving out of here, I hate it here. I don't hate my sisters and Mom, but I wouldn't say the same thing about the rest. I'm sure it's mutual.

They started hating me when i refused to married their sons, they thought since I was very young, I will be easily manipulated. But they were wrong and always are.

 Their hatred intensifies when I pass my exams with flying colors while their lazy son's were repeating. Such a waste of my time and their parents money.

They don't know me, in fact nobody does. My mom think I'm a faithful servant of GOD, my sisters think I'm stupid and ignorant, my uncle think I'm his little dog and will follow him and his children all my life, my cousin even thought I was rebellious. Infact they all take me as a dimwit fool.

Members of our locality and church members think I'm an old maid that lives in depression and regrets. They can't be more wrong.

They are even accusing me of ruining my sisters life, because I've refused to sacrifice them in marriage. Where their brainless son will rape, insulted and Dishonored them before throwing them out for new toys. They are very young, they don't even know how to take care of their self, non to talk about a family.

I know they hate, dispice and abhor me, but I don't care. when they see me, they can't stop their self from wispering loudly and audibly in my presence. As if I care.

When we were dying of famine where were they? 

When a stranger have tried to rape my sister, what were their words? Lets not to talk about actions.

When my sister have her first nerve crise where were they?

When my mom have to sell part of our house to treat herself and my sister operation, where was their fucking beliefs in god words and hospitality?

When one of their sister took all our savings, what did they say?

When I went to school without eating during one freaking week, where was their faith ?

We had to sell every days during our free periods and holiday to pay our fees. But I never and will never give up on my dreams" was my thought.

I sold, worked as a maid in many buildings, Even if they treat me like a slave in those mansions, I always went back because my eyes was focused on the prize, my ultimate goal.

When I was 10 yrs old, I wanted to become a lawyer, to defend every violated woman in the society, to stop early marriage and children abuse. But our priest in church said it wasn't possible, that God said vengeance and punishment belong to him, he's the only judge. But when I see how those acts I abhor yesterday, is still dominating in my community, it's have even spread to other locality, I regrets my decision of changing my dreams.

Many faministe are out there fighting for equality, they are an example to everyone and I pray for their success. 

But I not asking for equality in my locality, but for men to treat women as humainsbeingsg, because they aren't animals.

For their elementary right tobe respectedt. For their lives to be protected as every other citizen.

That's why I'm working so hard, why I wouldn't drop my hands till we move out of here. My family and I. I really love my sisters, they're my life.

Since I'm writing about my sister, why not describee each one of them.

The first Carin. She a young beautiful lady of 1.3 meter, she's fair in complexion and the eldest. She's very king hearted, she can sell hers or our house, if she finds someone in need. She can't save money, even if is to save her life. Very impulsive, she always acts roughly and rudely before thinking. Her passion is esthetic and hair dressings. She love cooking, will be a perfect wife and she's always ready to say sorry. 

The second one is Michelin. She's the laziest young lady I've ever set my eyes on. She likes dressings cute, going shopping, and watching films. She could be a modéliste if she stopped lasing around the house watching series and eating. But we love her as she is, but we will love if she have an ambition in life.

 Third one is Alicia, always sick, she's always drinking medicine. She holds her heart in the palm of her hands. Always helping others, Even if it's at the detriment of her own happiness. She's the best, She really do love children.  One day on her way home, she saw a stranger bullied by a group of girls, everybody were ignoring them and the crying girl, but Alicia couldn't. Even though she have a paralyzed hand, she always comes to aid to those in need.

Let me introduce Leslie, my fifth sister. She a strategic woman, always scheming, she's always keep appearance in front of others, that why they consider her the most calm girl in our family, the best. At 15 she have already received more than 4 official demand in marriages, not to talk about unofficial. But she's a snake, always planning or scheming something against somebody. She can be called many things but calm isn't one of them. But she love and know how to cook. I think it's because she's very patient. I'm always shouting at her, it's because I want her to stop, we really do love her.

The last but not the least is Sarah. She's a package full of problems that one, Always ready to fight and give order. Her classmates calls her  " commandant ". In our house she the last, but she won't accept it, so she's always fighting with her sisters.

I also have a cousin living with us, Alan. I don't know him very much. Still trying to know him.

people some times build their life’s and dreams on luck, blessing, religion and the last but not the least stupid reason is “love”. How can you fucking believe in this type of think? I’ve ask myself this question times and again. I thought about it in primary school ,  when  my sister cried because of love and 9yrs later when it was my 15 yrs old sister who was depressed, again because of love. I know you don’t understand my way of reasoning. Why don’t i believe in love, faith and the rest. I wasn’t always like this , " la souffrance est école de la sagesse" as it's said in French. okay; let’s come back 16 yrs ago......

Growing up in a Christian family, i was a very faithful disciple of our lord Jesus Christ. Contrary to what people may think i didn’t go to church every Sunday. yes i know, you’re asking yourself " how can i be name a Christian when I don't go to church every fucking Sunday ". but let me tell you that i was more than your ordinary ghetto stupid Christian, no, i was a pure fucking Christian. That is going to church tree days per week (Tuesdays, Thursday and Sunday) , after Sunday meeting i went preaching, always praying before eating (even during school break), sleeping and when facing difficulties. As you can confirmate , i was more than any ordinary Christian. The question at 1million dollar is; how I became this radical, sceptical, and realistic.

The change wasn’t radical it was gradual; it started when i was ten yrs old.

We were living happily in our two story building, my parents was minimalist, so our house was very simple. You won't find a picture on our walk or any other decorations.

Our story building provide a middle ground between single story and two stories houses, so that potion of the house include a secondary story living area.

The extra half is used for additional bedrooms. The master suite and living room have high ceiling, making it airy and open.

A clean kitchen and open dinning room. The upper floor space are used for bedrooms, half bath room, playroom and office space.

This is our traditional house of 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathroom, a kitchen and dining room.

until one day my father firstly lost his job and shop. No no, i know what you’re thinking “how can you claim "I  have faith in god and his words " when the first difficulties arrive, here goes your faith”, you're completely wrong. These is what really happened.

My parents called a family meeting to talk about Job story and how due to his integrity and devotion to our Lord Almighty, he had the double of all his wealth after many tribulations. They said that the devil saw the depth of our faith in our lord, that is why he is persecuting us and GOD is letting it go to test our faith. That is how we endure with the help of our brother and sisters.

My father was really sick soon after this tragedy. we went from hospitals after hospitals but the diagnostic didn't change.

“i haven’t found the cause of your father situation” that was the answer of every doctor. after dilapidating all of our economies in treatment, his condition stayed the same, we thought nothing could be more painful. " Celui qui s'en fou n'a rien vu" as it's said in French.

Father  thereby remember that he have biological brothers, so he asked for their help and went back to his childhood  home with my mom. Leaving us, that is my five sisters and i with a wicked, heartless and demonic cosine, for months. Some are thinking “how can they abandon their children?” others “it’s for their own good” and many other accusations, but we can never change the pass or see the future. Anyway let continue.

Months that follow this tragedies and losses were the hardest. since we have nothing to eat, since our beloved cosine took all. We slept alone, since he went, i don’t know where every Sunday and came back only on Saturday. The house and our dresses were always dirty, since we were still children’s, my sixth sister was 3yrs old. 

Once we were so hungry that my sister said “synchia the bible say ask and you will be giving. so we thereby decided to ask some food to our friends, to give our 3yrs old sister but nobody, i think i will have to insist, nobody took pity of a 3yrs old girl. When we came back home, i locked myself in the toilet and cry for many hours. That day i discovered at 10yrs that life isn’t fair even if there is sometime trace of fairness, never to the poor. I also learn how to sell goods to take care of us. The irony in all this is, we never stop praying, going to church and preaching because we said “the devil is a liar” our faith in God is stronger. " Na condition don't make janger y back bend " as we saw in pigin.

One day our aunties with the aid of our GOD almighty rememorize that they have nieces so that is how we are transported to mom childhood home. We decided to work in preparation for our school fees. 

One day my mother came back, she told us our dad wanted to see his children. so here we are, near our father bed. Some will think “this is the end of their problems” but no, due to the following reason.... 

Firstly my dad isn’t in the hospital as we thought but in his fucking aunty house. since he’s still a Christian and his own brother said they don’t have Christian in their family. They therefore allow my sick father on a broking bed in his freaking aunty house without any fucking medical care. i can say sorry for my language, but it wouldn’t be sincere because it's from my hearth

all those curse words came.

Secondly, our father doesn’t recognise us, his own children. Without any treatment he had started losing his memory thereby becoming an amnesia, he was so thin and fragile.  

Lastly, our own family was driving us out of their house at 1 am in the evening. My youngest sister was 3 and eldest 12 yrs old. We cried, i don’t know about my sisters but even when the death of our father was announced i didn’t cry as i cry that famous day at 1am at night. " Na when problem de come say you know ya real friends" as We say in pigin

After that, i decided to pray GOD to ask for a miracle, for my father to live. I will never forget that famouse day. I went on my knees under my aunt table i didn’t ask i beg, made promise to my GOD to think about my sisters and my mom, mom don’t work. he should cure our father, that i was going to give my life to the church by preaching his way, power and empathy if he just cure my dad. 

My dad died two weeks later, "he didn’t have enough faith in our GOD" according to some brothers, "my dad did something to deserve that ending"  and "we have to pass through all this to prove our faith". It was so painful hearing all these. " Ce qui ne te tué par, te rends plus fort" as we say in French.

If you think that this was the end of our faith, you’re dreaming. I continue preaching regularly, because as i was taught “the ways of our lord are mysterious”. but I will never forget that with all our sacrifice and suffering, nobody have help or pity 6 orphans.

During the years that follow these we experience famine, suffering, and sometimes joy. We sold goods, work as waitress, maid but we never, i say never let our GOD or faith down. The hardest of all was when my mom went in small villages to sell medicine; since when she slept there, we pass our evening praying, because we have an intense and unfound fear of losing our mother. 

She sends all of us to school without exception even when we wanted to help, she refused. " 

Today I’m so happy since i was accepted in university, i will continue my study. My sisters are so proud of me, but were will i live? So i decided against my mom judgement to ask my uncle to help that is my father brother. They accepted, so problem solve, i can continue my studies. 

I am moving to my uncle house to be near the campus another foolish decision. I’m at the station waiting for my cosine, here he comes...

Jule” welcome syntia, how are you”

Syntia “I’m fine what about you”

We exchange greeting and ask about different member of our family. He transported me to their house with the help of a bike. 

It was a two rooms apartment. The apartment was very old and dirty. I took a week to clean it for it to ressemble a house. With grasses all around the building. At least we have a place to stay.

There i met my cosine with whom I’m supposed to share a room with and we discovered that we share many other hobbies. 

She was my cousin, but I considered her as a sister and friend. She's very impulsive, naive and easily manipulated by others. I really hated some of her character and behavior. But what I really like about her was her way of reasoning. 

She believes in the relativism of everything. With her I could read anything without being judged. That's what I thought.

She's also one of those that made me lose my trust in mankind.

After all of this I’m sure my life there will be happy. But no, it’s not the case. I’m sure you’re asking yourself why?

That very night their very cute cat come and tell me in my dream that i took a very stupid decision coming there,  since my uncle use spiritual means to prevent children living in his house to progress by eating their brain. but they will help me, I don't know who.

I wake up and pray “my almighty lord father of father, alpha and omega please help me and send your angel to protect your humble servant”

After this i try sleeping again, but i have the same dream with the speaking cat, i wake up and pray again. That was my first night in my uncle house, it alternate between prayer and a creepy dream. In the morning i was so afraid of their cat and my uncle, but i didn’t move out, i was so determine to succeed, to help my mom and sister that I didn’t realized the danger. Especially since according to me i had GOD protection. 

I have pass 3 yrs of continuous suffering and depression. I had many type of creepy dreams, to the point that sleeping at night became my own taboo. While the rest of their family was sleeping i was praying, asking, no begging for protection that never came. I thereby decided to explain my situation to some brothers of my church but they didn’t find any solution, i just heard accusation 

“It can’t happen to a disciple of our lord”

“Are you sure that you have nothing that belongs to the devil or you didn’t make any pact with somebody? Because the devil only follow what belong to him” 

“You can’t serve or follow two GOD”

I came asking for protection, all i got was accusation. That is how i start forgetting morning prayers and bible studies because i was lost, i felt so lonely. With all of this, i couldn’t return home? I have to pass and have my certificate but without sleeping i couldn’t pass. After 3yrs of all this, i thought “ i have to save my life”. So i went back home to find a job economise and move to another country or town on my own. " Si n'y a la vie, alors il n'y a espoir" as I was thought.

After two yrs of working I’m moving out of this place. After sometime in the plane, here i am, in my new country.

 When i find my new room, it’s very small,  but it’s mine. I will start working next week and my friend is coming today with me, she will be living with me. I’m still a Christian if you want to know why?  the way of our lord are mysterious.

Here come my only friend “welcome Sharon, how was your day” I was literally jumping of Joy.

She a tall beautiful young lady of 23 yrs, she has long hair and a perfect body. She's a tomboy since she grew up with her brothers. 

She the best friend I ever had and I love her freaking self. She awesome and cool.

We didn't study at the same University, she was accepted in another University. We pray to life together but P

Destiny have other plans. 

Back to the present.

Dragging her things she answer “fine,  everything is fantastic.”

I decide to help her in moving her things “my gosh, we will be living together from today, can you believe it. When my mom told me i could move i was like lose, she didn’t even call members of our church. I’m so happy” I said, I don't remember the last time I smile like a fool. I feel like a charge was lift from my shoulders.

After hearing this she was really surprise “you mom didn’t call any brother here to follow your spiritual progress. How come, the devil can destroy all her hard work? Since childhood she’s forming you to honour and save our lord” 

How can she keep a straight face when spouting such foolishness “Sharon i hope you aren’t laughing at your best friend, because if that the case you can find yourself another sleeping arrangement”

Her face became so twisted “I was just joking, you’re so serious “

I was very happy today that nothing and nobody can change my happy mood, that is why i said “one for syntia and zero for Sharon. You really think that you’re the only entity here with the privilege of cracking originale jokes, please wake up “

While holding a porker face “good one, yes good one sis” she said

We spend our day taking care of our new chez moi(home) that is separating room, painting, and all. We also have to put rule and regulation, work distribution and all.

“Today is my first day in this working environment. Please wake up, give me your benediction. Sharon i need so many cups of courage and blessings. Do you know that he have never kept an Assistant for more than a yrs. You what they say about first impression. I'm here depressing, but my own best friend is sleeping. I need you”

She just pouted while glaring at me  “go make yourself a cup of coffee that is all you need and let me continue sleeping” 

“That is exactly what I’m doing but i need my friend” I was really nervous.

Just seeing the mess i was making, she just couldn’t continue sleeping “okay okay come here. If i was your mom i will say “you are not alone and will never be alone because my god and yours will never let you feel lonely” but since I’m Sharon " wake the fuck up, teddy yourself, go and show does people you’re the best” 

“That why i really can’t live without my pouf. I think i can even fight against anything that comes my way now. you’re the best”. This is me going to my new job; i think my dad will be happy of me.

When the taxi driver left me near my new job, my gosh!

The building was colossal, gigantic and tremendous. I've always heard about how impressive it was, but knowing or hearing how impressive it is will never prepare you to this. I was awe-struck by how gorgeous it was. I felt so little, insignificant to this.

Not only the building was impressive, every fucking thing was, including people in it. Is there a place here for me" I asked mysel?.

When the secretary saw me she just looks at me as if I was a trash to be deposit of “what can i do for you” that was her word. If I could just ...syntia let us count to ten (1, 2, 3                                                                               “i don’t have time to waste so be fast “

“I’m syntia i am suppose to start today as “ i did even have to finish when i heard

“You’re late, work start at 7:30 and it’s 8am your boss is waiting for you.last door to your left”

“Thank you, i will be early tomorrow” that what i said but in my head “how the fuck does that consent you". 

Miss bitchy face probably think that she's indispensable and one of the best employee of this company.

Boss here i come, when i reach the door as a true Christian i pray before entering.

"Sir I’m your new assistant".  He didn’t even look at me, how rude. Here goes my first impression.

“your desk and my schedule areint the corridor “Just like that. here goes my dream of a happy working environment.

That is how i was receive on my first day. if i tell you there was any amelioration on the 6 months that follow this I’m a liar, thank God I have my novels with me.

The months through It was just, my coffee, prepare the document, is the meeting hall okay, have you collect my cloths and all. I sometimes asked myself "if he sees me on the road or bus, will he recognize me." Probably not.

My life was boring, work, church, preaching, and work, church, preaching again and again.