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06— A word with my Saviour.
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DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 07— Two days afterwards.
07— Two days afterwards. “Sometimes we feel so little yet say so much.” —Saumya Tripathi “Life is an unexpected rollercoaster ride,” the thought invaded my mind as I stared into nothingness. Sometimes in life, we anticipate those things which are not in our hands; perhaps it is human nature that always moves but gets less. However, life is so uncanny: strange and difficult to understand or to even explain that no one could be sure of anything regardless of what they say. If one were to explain life they would have never been able to. Befuddled perhaps but things can never be predicted about what could happen next, likely in the very next movement. The truth is— the things we anticipate the most never seem to come true and the things we would have never imagined even in our own dreams— happen in reality. Such as myself; I could have never expected such a ferocious day when my parents might die in such an unpredictable car accident. It was a moment of uncertainty that struck us hard
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 08— Escaping from the doomed place.
08— Escaping from the doomed place. “And sometimes we feel so deeply yet say nothing.” —Saumya Tripathi Huddled up against the side of the bed with my brother asleep soundly, I hefted up a sign. This short time literally felt like the longest hour of my life. Waiting for fifteen minutes perhaps but it felt as if hours had gone by yet the fifteen minutes had not arrived. I mused to myself, woefully. I was optimistic as well as agitated and scared out of my wits and above all, I somewhat felt—satisfied in the hope of returning home. My home. Where the remnant memories of my parents lingered in the air of my abode, however. Blinking from my trance, I stared ahead of me at the gigantic window where a gust of air was flowing making the curtains give a swaying twist. It seemed almost exquisite and tranquil. The room was muffled and the lights were off, it gave the lighting to peep into the room from outside the window where the curtains didn't cover up the windows. It must have felt so
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 09— A brief History of the city Varanasi.
09— A Brief History of the city Varanasi. “If I say peace— ultimately think, I am talking about Banaras.” —Saumya Tripathi The cold wave of air swept past me as I stepped forward another step before me. The night was silent; too silent at that. It was so quiet with only discreet voices of unknown organisms yelling now and then along with the sound of heavily flowing air swivelling around us in the immensely silent vicinity. With the cold air skirting us in its confinements, I barely concentrated on the projected task before me, however. The silence felt soothing yet appalling. "You should probably get going," she accentuated, glancing back over her shoulder, breaking the captivating silence between us. She seemed pensive as well as alarmed when motioning me to proceed outside with a nod of her head over her shoulder. Showing me that I didn't have enough time to waste even a single second on flapping about the things that hadn't happened yet but probably it could if I wouldn't hu
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 10— The 'Phone' call.
10— The 'Phone' call. “Nowadays pain isn't present in tears. It is present in smiles.” —Saumya Tripathi"I will have to phone my uncle first thing first as soon as I can to let him know about my location. Immediately at that. But before that I better get out of here first and right away," I crammed, agreeing to myself. I better get going. Oh god! Let him be safe. Let him be safe. Closing my eyes, I prayed for my old uncle desperately for his well-being. Perplexed as I was I tried to avert my mind from my desperate turmoils that actually were clouding my sense of thinking rationally. Crying never helped anyone. Had it? No! It never had. Then, how come it will now? Why would it? It will not. Crying will never help me in getting away. Now, will it? No, it shall not. Never had. Never will. Crying won't let me out of this place. And papa also never would have allowed me to cry like this; like a vulnerable child in any situation. Such as this very perilous condition. I nodded, staunchl
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM Part two.
Part two. "Hello—?" A very faint but exhausted voice quivered from the other line; what I could only do was sob loudly for quite a time at the vulnerability of the tone. "U-uncle.." I rasped out from my dry mouth, still crying. Although trying to restrain my quivering mouth from crying more than I already was. I tried to speak out but nothing came out. "R-radhika...? Where are you, my child? I could not find you anywhere! Where have you been? How are you, child? How is Shaurya? Are you two alright? Is Shaurya with you? Tell me where you are and without delay, I will come at this instant!" He inquired hastily in his turned-up voice. Questioning me non-stop. He was panicking. "U-uncle h-he took us and shot Awadhesh! And he was n-not allowing us t-to go home. He-he; I don't know who he is. Uncle take us h-home please-please. I am scared," I stammered horribly at every word but I prayed to shiv Ji that he would make him understand and specify my incoherent sentences. "Child, Sssh. C
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 11— Oh! Shiv Ji please no, how why?
11— Oh! Shiv Ji, please no, how? why?“At some time, everyone wants to be understood by someone. But no one is trying to understand the other. Why? If you really want to be understood: try to understand first.” — Saumya Tripathi “No..no..no..No!” I woke up with a jolt, sweating. My heart felt as if it wanted to jump out of my chest. Awash with perplexity and dread, I tried to grasp the bits and pieces of the situation. Deflating through my mouth, I took deep and long breaths to calm the restlessness I felt taking place inside. Was that a dream? Still somewhere between half awake and half asleep, I pondered over, slightly confused and bothersome about the whole ordeal. It had to be. However, the vividness of the scene from the dream made my body tingle with fear and anxiety. I was certainly uncertain about what I saw. It took me a while to confirm that it was, in fact, a dream. More like a nightmare must I add. Had it not been a dream I definitely would have been having a heart a
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM Part two.
Part two. It was now beginning to drizzle slightly after the full-blown downpour, however, not after a long period, it started to downpour heavily yet again with a bellowing cold- chilly wind, promptly. It was too cold and the downpour was not making it any better with the chilly climate and cold air. Despite my layers of clothes, I shivered. Oh, how I had loved the rain when it used to pour on our foyer with my parents sitting by my side sharing cheerful movements of nostalgia. Bringing my hasty mind out from the rejoicing thoughts which I had shared with my happy family back to the ugliest truth of life, I blinked rapidly trying to change the vision that had me breaking into even more little pieces. Venturing my groggy eyes to look outside the window for the familiar face of my uncle, but to my dismay, I met with unknown faces of the group of people that were already buzzy in their own little world. I sighed deeply. My shoulder slouched at the desperate attempt to glance out of th
DIFFERENT SHADES OF HIM 12— Unbidden departure! (Part-1)
12— Unbidden departure! (Part- 1)“It was darkness: blinding with absolute rage, ache and emptiness. Everything felt constricted, everything felt out of place, out of reach, nothing seems right anymore, nothing seems to matter anymore. The power once felt so potent, so strong— felt like a thin thread of broken trust, bond and loyalty. Everything felt like the gripping darkness of the night, nibbling on the outside to reach the insides to take control. To take control of the mind; the grasping silence that has billions of emotions overpowering each other felt— an immense amount of numbness, surrounding it: surrounding the psyche in a death grip.” — Saumya Tripathi •• November 3 Location— Cantt station, Varanasi. Timing— 3:27 a.m “If you came here to take us back then you are highly mistaken,” my voice came out stronger contrary to what I felt inside. “We are waiting for my uncle to receive us,” I emphasised. “We are going home.” His unruly hair seemed messed up and wet with a f
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