FEELING LOST

FEELING LOST

JAMIE'S POV

A blinding rage consumed me. I lunged forward, ready to throw my entire weight against Noah's door and break it wide open, but two heavy hands violently held me back.

“Sir, step away. You can’t go in there.”

My eyes flared with dangerous rage as I glared at the suit. “Get the hell out of my way before I make you move.”

The guards didn’t budge a single inch. I could see from the corner of my eyes more of them approaching. 

Apparently, I am being labelled as a threat to their young master.

 They stood there like stone walls, completely unfazed by my threats. And their lapels bore the heavy silver crest of Noah's family. They weren't letting me through.

My lungs squeezed so tight I could barely breathe. 

Noah. My best friend. The most dangerous, powerful man in our circle.

Suddenly, a terrifying thought crawled into the back of my mind. I remembered the intense way Noah’s eyes always tracked Aria when he thought no one was paying attention. 

I remembered the way he always stepped in, throwing his big influence around whenever Aria was in the slightest bit of trouble. Always playing the fucking hero.

My knuckles turned completely white as I clenched my fists, staring at her shoe on the floor.

Was this why? Was our entire five year friendship just a sick, calculated play to get close to my girl?

☆~☆

The next morning, sitting at the Addison family breakfast table, I couldn't pay a single bit of attention to whatever the hell Lora or her parents were saying. 

My ears were buzzing, and my mind was entirely fixated on what I had heard and seen outside that penthouse door the night before.

 How dare Noah steal my woman? How far had they actually gone in that room?

I couldn't pretend that I was some saint to not have had sex before. Aria always shied away and refused to give me what I wanted. 

 I liked what we had going on, I couldn't break up with her because of that so I had had to get it outside from other girls over the years. But seeing her in this situation made me lose my fucking mind.

The faraway sound of heels echoed and I knew she was finally back.

Aria walked into the dining room and my chest caved in.

 She looked completely wrecked, wearing a black coat that was way too big for her. No doubt it belongs to Noah. 

And then I saw an unmistakable hickey on the side of her neck. The sight of it felt like a physical knife twisting in my stomach. 

I didn't imagine it. It really did happen. She let him touch her.

When she suddenly lunged forward, delivering  those two resounding slaps to Lora’s cheeks, I felt a wave of pride despite my anger towards her.

That was my Aria. 

It used to be the two of us against the whole world. But as her dad suddenly stood up and suddenly slapped her across the face, reality crashed down on me.

It felt like it was just her against all of them. And I was standing on the wrong side.

I didn't want to be her enemy. As I grabbed her arms to hold her back, feeling her soft skin under my palms, I made up my mind. 

I would forgive her. I would overlook whatever she did with Noah last night.

 We could fix this. We could keep our relationship a secret behind Lora's back, or I would figure something out.

She just couldn't leave me.

But later, when she shrugged my hands off and turned her face toward me, the words died in my throat.

There wasn't a single drop of her usual love or adoration left in her eyes. None. 

She looked at me with unadulterated disgust.

The blinding warmth she used to reserve only for me was entirely gone, replaced by indifference.

As I followed her all the way down to the security gate, begging her to stay and lecturing her about her impulses, she just chewed me up and spat me out.

 Her words were biting, ruthless, and packed with an icy pride that left me standing there like a fool.

I stood paralyzed on the driveway as she slammed her car door, revved the engine, and drove off.

 Watching the tail lights of her purple BMW disappear past the security gate, a terrifying emptiness settled deep in my gut.

She was really gone. And for the first time in nearly ten years, I felt lost.