Panic Attack

My heart stopped beating as I locked eyes with Zach. I tried to take short, shallow breaths, but nothing satisfied the growing burn in my chest. My lungs felt as if they'd been set on fire.

Slowly moving my hand down to grasp Elliots, I squeezed tight. His head snapped towards me, but I was frozen in place, unable to peel my eyes from Zach’s.

He looked indifferent. Unbothered by my presence. How? How can you stare into the woman’s eyes that you assaulted and feel.... nothing. I felt everything. The terror of knowing what was going to happen to me. The weight of his body against mine. The dirty, ruined feel of my body when I finally woke up, alone, in the woods outside of that party. The dryness in my eyes from laying there, sobbing for hours. The way that every day, for years, I looked in the mirror and saw the handprints, smeared mascara, and leaves matted in my hair. The panic attacks when I relived the moment.

And to top it all off, the fucking shame of him knowing my darkest d