Chapter 010

ELIANA

Uncle James pulls me into his arms, his strong hands firm around me as if it’ll be enough to protect me from the tormenting pain. From the entire world.

“It hurts really bad.” I confess out loud, hugging him back tightly as though my life depends on it.

Or maybe it did.

“I know. I know. I'm so sorry.” He says, giving my body a gentle squeeze and planting a kiss on my hair.

The sobs that I have been trying hard to suppress break free, hard for me to hold back that much longer. For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to let it go, succumbing to the pain because I’m afraid that if I hold it all in a minute longer, I'll die from heartache.

“It's going to be okay. Your uncle is here for you. I’ll always be here.” He says, stroking my back gently. Reminding me that he’ll always have my back even if the world turns against me. More tears stream down my cheeks, letting it all out.

______

After hugging for a while and I’m a little calm, we finally pull off from the hug.

“I’m sorry.” I apologise when I realise that I have ruined my uncle’s shirt with my tears. He gives me a small smile, “It's okay. You don't need to be ashamed of anything.” He says in a gentle voice.

“Come on inside, it's cold out here.” He says in a calm voice, welcoming me inside his apartment. For a moment, I had forgotten how cold it was.

I nod at his words and walk inside, feeling the familiar comfort that I have always felt whenever I visit. My lips curve into a small smile and a lone teardrop rolls down my left eye.

My eyes find the TV mounted on the wall and that's when I realise the ongoing hockey game. A surge of guilt rises up inside me when it downs me that I destructed him from watching hockey because I know how damn much he loves it.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you, uncle. I didn't have anywhere else to go. I-I couldn't stay.” My voice is almost a whisper but loud for him to hear what I just said. My uncle and I are like buddies. We’re never formal with each other and joke around a lot.

“You don't need to worry about it, Eli. You’ll never be an interruption to me. And for the records, you're more important than hockey. You're my niece, Eli. I need to be there for you when you hit the rock bottom. I need to be there to remind you that you’re not all alone. You’ll always have your uncle. Always.” My heart tightens when I hear his words, smiling through the tears that stream down my cheeks.

He has always been there for me throughout my growing up. It has always been him, my mother and I because that's the only close  family that I have got. Even when my mother got kicked out while she was pregnant with me, uncle James is the only person who cared enough not to abandon her. Back then he was a top hockey player in the country and his profession paid good enough to support my mother as she figured out life and how to survive because her parents cut her off the inheritance.

Uncle James is the oldest, three years older than my mother. While my mom is  thirty seven years old, he's forty. However, he isn't married because he dedicated most of his life to hockey. Though he doesn't look like his age, he looks much younger because of endless exercise, good diet and everything that athletes do to stay fit. We always joke about him being a bachelor and all that but today isn't one of those days…

“Come on, have a seat.” He helps me to sit on the couch then turns off the TV. He pours a glass of water and hands it to me.

I take a sip of water then hold the glass in my hands, staring at it blankly. It's silent for a while inside the living room that I can hear my own breathing. Uncle James is quiet too, not rushing me to talk and I appreciated his understanding.

He has always been understanding.

I take a deep breath, “His hockey team won the opening game.” I start, the words stinging my heart like venomous thorns. Uncle James listens without interrupting, giving me time to process the emotions that I had run from. I didn't have time to feel it deep because my first protective instinct was flight.

“I was so happy when his team won. I always wanted what's best for him and that's why I wanted to be supportive. I wanted him to fulfill his dreams of getting into his dream hockey college and get a chance to be a professional hockey player…” The corner of my lips curls into a smile, the words leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Each word was like a dagger that pierced my heart repeatedly without remorse.

My grip tightens on the glass in my hands, “I was ready to do everything and anything to help him. I even asked you for tips and clips so that it can help him perfect his skills. I spy on his opponent and learn his weaknesses so that I can help him use it to his advantage.” I was quiet for a while, all the things that I have done for Ethan flashing in my mind. All the sacrifices that I have made for.

Sometimes I used to sacrifice important days that I should have spent with my family or at the flower shop helping my mother out, to help him train and perfect his skills. 

My heart twists when I give it a thought.

“Wasn't that enough, uncle? Wasn't I supportive enough? Wasn't I a good girlfriend to him? What more did he want? What else was I supposed to do?”

“Do you think that there was something wrong that I did? Do you think that I didn't do enough? Please tell me because I want to understand.” A desperate whimper leaves my lips. Maybe, just maybe, if uncle James explains to me what I have done wrong, or if I haven't done enough, I will understand and it won't hurt this much.

Uncle James takes the glass from my hand and places it on the table, then holds my hands in his gently. His hands are warm against mine.

“Look at me, Eli.” He commands softly and I raise my head to look at him. He has always taught me to hold my head high. 

“Nothing is wrong with you and it's not your fault. You have done more than enough.” He gives my hands a tight squeeze, “Don't let what he did to you make you think that you aren't good enough. You're the best girlfriend that anyone can ever wish for. I know that deep down you're a good person and you want what’s good for him.” 

I thought that maybe I was the problem. I thought that it was all my fault. Perhaps I lacked in some kind of way.

“You think so?” I ask, my voice breaking.

“I know. I have watched you grow up, remembered?” He assures me,his voice firm. My lips curve into a smile as tears stream down my cheeks.

It's quiet for a while and my uncle is still holding my hands in his.

“I’m sorry.” He apologises, looking away in guilt.“About what?” I ask, blinking away tears.

“It's my fault that this has happened to you. I should have seen through that young man whenever he visited when I was around. I thought he was a good boy.” He pauses, then heavy a deep breath.

“I asked him to take good care of you and he promised me that he would be careful with your heart. I should have protected you from him. I should have asked him to stay the hell away from you! All I wanted was for you to be happy, Eli. Please forgive me for not protecting you. It's my responsibility as your uncle to shield you from anyone who has any intention of hurting you.” He says and I can feel the regret and every bit of emotion in his face. Uncle James isn't the kind who shows his emotions. He always puts on a poker face and that's why he's on top of the game. One of the best coaches.

However, I can see the weight in his eyes no matter how hard he tries to mask it.

I squeeze his hands.

“It's not your fault, uncle.” I choke, “You had no idea that he would do this. You have always protected me from so many things but…I think this was inevitable.” I take a deep breath, hoping it'll help lessen the pain in my chest.

I don't want him to take the blame that isn't his because he has taken way too many, for me. My heart tightens and I release a breath.

“I thought he was a good person too. Someone to be trusted. He pretended to care so much about me. He used to remember even the tiniest details and treated me well. He fooled us all and..I must be the biggest fool for falling for it. For falling in love with him. For…”

“Don't blame yourself for falling in love with him. You fell in love with the person that he pretended to be and that doesn't make you a fool. If anything, you’re brave, Eli. Brave people take risks. And you, you took a risk of falling in love. I think you're even braver than your uncle.” The corner of his lips tips into a smile and I can't help but smile back at him, my eyes teary,my heart aching at his words because they were soothing to my broken heart.

He always finds a way to joke around even in the midst of heartache.

“As your uncle, I’m so proud of you. And I want you to know that you’ll always have me. And most importantly, I want you to know that I love you so much.” The smile on my face broadens upon hearing his words.

He lets my hands go and opens his arms wide for me. I collapse in his arms desperately for comfort.

“I’m not going to allow him to hurt you again. I’m going to protect you from him.”He promises, planting a kiss on my hair and giving my body a gentle squeeze.