PRESENTThe roads are dark and the concrete shines in the night from the faint light that falls on them from the tall street lights at the end of every long block. I don’t know how I’ll make it back to our apartment without having an honest excuse ready when Cassiel questions me about my disappearance. What would I tell him if he asks me where I had been gone for the past three hours? Or who I was spending my time with for the hours I had disappeared? In a hurry, I left my cellphone on the kitchen table. What if he goes through my phone?But, knowing Cass, I know that he will not. But what if luck is not on my side today? Will he find out about my cheating and my despicable behavior? He won’t go through your phone. My brain answers for me. He’s not like you.From what it looks like given my present circumstances, I know that I have been unlucky for a while. That’s why I almost cheated on Cassiel, that’s why I have developed feelings for Daniel. And also probably why I can’t make u
PRESENTTWO MONTHS AGOI was coming out of one of the many expensive stores on Upper Fifth Avenue. I needed to help Jeff find a ring for Carrie. We were both walking around when Jeff tugged at my hand and pulled me to one of the window displays of this luxurious wedding dresser designer brand, Weddingly Beat, and there sat a glimmering white mermaid ball gown. I looked at it while holding my breath because it was so beautiful.“Hey!" Jeff groaned. Just look at that. Isn't it beautiful?"“Isn’t it beautiful?” I repeated his words. "It's more than beautiful. It's probably what all girls dream about when they are little."“It’s gorgeous,” he murmured in awe. “Carrie would look so unearthly in this."“Yes, you’re right.” I coughed as I added more to the conversation. “And not just that ... I guess she’ll even like it.” I threw in a humorous laugh. "It's difficult to match her unreachable standards."“You think so?” He gazed at the dress and then at me with a childlike innocence I had rare
PRESENT TWO MONTHS AGO “All right, all right.” The country singer put his hands up defensively. Then he pivoted to go back to where he came from. "I'm leaving. Are you happy, Angelique?" I nodded. "I can't be any happier." Halfway through his walk on the pavement, he pivoted to look at me, resting his right hand on his slim waist as he looked at me expectantly. “Well, I do have something to say." Then he licked his lips. "I need your help.” “What help?” I stood there awkwardly, gazing bewildered at him. "Weren't you just walking away from me?" He nodded back towards one of the men’s clothing stores on the right side of the street. “Help me find a tux?" “Why would I help you?” I narrowed my eyes at him. "I barely know you." “You owe me. Have you forgotten that?" He smirked at me as he ogled at my face. "Don't you remember that night from the karaoke bar?” He bit his lip, looking at my face for signs of recognition. He thought I’d forgotten all about what happened that night aga
TWO MONTHS AGOAfter smoking my drag, I stepped on it with the edge of my heels to kill it. I walked back to the store where Daniel was and joined him inside. He was doing some sexy leaning around one of the shelves of fancy dress shirts, and he stared at me as I walked towards him.“It took you a while, didn't it?” He raised his eyebrows as he gave me another brilliant smile. "Aren't you playing hard to get?""Playing hard to get with you?" I licked my lips as I blinked my eyes quickly. "What would I do that for? I have no feelings for you, so playing hard to get would be an absolute waste of my time."He ignored my comment as he opened his mouth to talk again."Do you smoke?" He eyed my lips cautiously. "Are you a smoker?""Yeah. I was taking a drag." Then I zeroed in on the store and took everything around me in. Little middle-class me would never have stepped into a store like this a few years ago. "Why are you always asking me questions?"The grandeur of the store blew me away as
PRESENT"You are wasting your time with Cassiel.” His words are raw and harsh. “You are just existing and living your life like a zombie." His lips are twisting words as his mouth curls, like he's aiming to throw the hurt, and puke out the venom he's been feeling at me. “You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re delusional and you live in your pretty little bubble.”“Enough, Daniel! What’s that supposed to mean?” I’m taken aback. I’ve known that his feelings had been a mess. But I do not want to know what this mess spirals into. He turns around so I face his back, and I’m weighing the thought of putting a hand on it."What I mean to say is that you're just spending your life with Cassiel like you don’t have a better option! He doesn’t bring out the best in you.” He takes a deep breath, his voice is chilling when he pivots and looks at me. “You, though, live with me Ange.”We’ve had this exact same fight so many times. I close my eyes to think and say something that will be a setback to
FOUR YEARS AGO“Are you going to show up for Mr. Freyer’s class?” Carrie was sitting on the couch beside me, running her fingers down her golden auburn hair. She looked like a Disney princess done right.“Is he going to give another sermon on John Donne? Because all man now is an island.” I rolled my eyes when Carrie shot me a look. She gets boisterous and sassy when it comes to Literature. "Don't tell me you're in love with some old man because you like how pretentious he is in our classes?"Carrie has always been in love with Dante and metaphysical poetry. She wanted to revel in darkness and the spirituality behind human existence. She had this constant gleam in her eyes whenever she sat in Mr. Freyer’s class, like she was in awe or something.I wanted to ask her what Bertrand Russell once said, “Day after day, man is accumulating knowledge, but is the man getting any wiser?”I felt my inner Virginia Woolf fist thumping when I looked at her. What’s all this passion for?Carrie humme
FOUR YEARS AGO”Where were you, Lee? What happened to you?” she asked, pointing at my shirt. “I’ve been waiting for you. My lunch is almost over. I don’t have a free period next.” Carrie was looking me up and down, ready to fire her inquisitive questions at me.“I got sucked in some drama, sorry,” I mumbled as I took the seat next to her on the table. I put the backpack down as it was weighing my shoulders down, and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to abandon you like that. Something just came up."“What happened to your shoulder? Your shirt looks drenched.” She tried to pry my shirt collar down to take a look. “What the fuck?”“Yeah, someone spilled their coffee on me.” I gently put her fingers away, peering a look at my red shoulder. "It was hot. It almost burned me."“What do you mean? You mean, hot coffee? Who did that?” Her mouth opened in an ‘O’, which she ultimately closed tsk-ing. "Couldn't they see where they were going?"“Someone,” I whispered, annoyed. "Just someone you d
PRESENTI am caught in a web of my own premonitions of an intricate pseudo-reality of lies.I was curious about where my heart could go, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want or love Cassiel. I have wanted him for so long, more than he can ever think. Sometimes, he thinks it isn’t so but it is this simple fact that has strung me all along. Even after three years of dating him, I am in constant need of want and attention from him.Is it bad to want someone this much?I am pondering over my love, or something in between, for both the men in my life, lost in my own alternate reality of thoughts when Daniel’s voice breaks me out of my dreamlike reverie.“Don't you want some more of that sumptuous wagyu steak?” He asks me, licking his lips discreetly. “You would love this!”“Yeah, I'd like that, Daniel,” I hastily murmur. "Are you ordering it again?"A shabby-looking flower girl with her hoodie rattled at the edges, enters the outdoor bistro where we are having our steak and potatoes with vino.