Sibling's Quarrel Pt 3 - Orenda

I stare at him in disbelief, the unpleasant image he painted of him getting “railed” by a sanguidae to the point of being broken and drained leaving an unpleasant taste in my mouth. “What it must be like to live inside your head,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he smirks.

“I really wouldn’t.”

“Anyway, enough about me. How did patrols go?”

“I took care of some eyti in Indonesia and then some in Australia.”

“And I’m guessing you didn’t kill them,” he says in an almost accusatory tone.

“I’m not going to kill them when now more than ever there is a chance to save them. Zarseti and Gabriella have a plan, and I don’t want to interfere with it. If there is a way to restore the eyti, I’m going to give them every chance to do so,” I say sternly.

Ayawamat lets out a breath of frustration, again running his fingers through his hair. “Would be so much easier if we could just kill Azadou and be done with the eyti altogether,” he mutters, but I heard him clear as day.

I stare at him, my face no doubt displaying all the hurt and disgust I feel for him right now. How the fuck can he say that to me so callously?

“In case you’ve forgotten, killing Azadou would kill Jartre which in turn would kill us too. There’s also the fact that…what was it again? Oh yeah, Azadou’s my animai you insensitive ass!” I exclaim, throwing my book at his head, successfully hitting my target.

“Ow!” he cries, clutching his head. “Orenda, I say this because I love you, but you have to find a way to reject him.”

His words pierce me like fiery hot daggers. Sure, we bicker like any other siblings would, but never has he said anything so hurtful. Reject my animai? A gift given to me by Zarseti herself.

“If you really loved me you won’t ever say that to me again,” I say icily. “Zarseti chose me as his animai.”

“Then Zarseti fucked up! We were created to destroy the very beings he plagued the Earth with, now suddenly you’re meant to be his true love? He’s the God of Malice, Orenda, he can’t even feel love!”

“How the fuck would you know?! We’d never even met him before. Zarseti wouldn’t pair us if she believed he was incapable of love or kindness. I’m not rejecting him just because you don’t like the situation.”

“He’s dangerous, Orenda. Even the other Gods fear him.”

“Or maybe they fear him because they don’t understand him. He wasn’t born the way they were, and if you’re just going to sit there and demand I tear my own essram apart for the sake of your comfortability then you can get the fuck out,” I spit harshly, pointing my finger to the door.

He sighs rubbing his face, “I swear I’m not trying to be cruel, I’m only thinking of what’s best for you,” he says softly.

“And how is destroying part of my very being what’s best for me?” I snap contemptuously.

I get to my feet and storm out of my room since he has no intention of leaving. I make my way downstairs, grateful to see no sign of Ayawamat’s fuck buddies and step out onto the front patio. I close my eyes, lifting my face to the sky and breathe in the fresh air. I admit I was shocked to learn that the God of Malice was my animai, and yes, I’ve questioned it, but from the moment that bond awoke between us I can’t deny the yearning I feel every minute of the day to be with him. To protect him, cherish him and get to know him. I want more than anything for him to give me that chance, but he continues to evade me. He never responds to my calls or pleas, and I have no way of finding him on my own. I feel like I’ve been set adrift with no oars, and I just keep being pulled further and further out to sea.

Once again, in a last-ditch effort to seek answers and guidance, I call out the name of another who evades me.

“Merlos…please, I know you can hear me. Please speak to me. I desperately need your help. I need your wisdom and guidance…please just grant me a few minutes of your time,” I pray. I open my eyes and wait patiently, but as time presses forward, she doesn’t show herself.

For weeks I have called to the Goddess of the Void, pleading for her help, but she refuses to answer my prayers. I don’t know what I’m expected to do. I’ve been given an animai who shows no interest in me, my creator was disgusted at the very thought of the pairing and my own brother wants me to throw it away like it means nothing. I just wish there was someone who could tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do.