CHAPTER 3 Illusions

"Mommy," a warm pair of small hands tapped my cheeks. "Wake up."

"Good morning, mi amor," I whispered. A smile immediately stretched my lips when I saw Mira in front of me.

She grinned when she saw I was finally awake. I laughed when she suddenly peppered my cheeks with kisses.

"Good morning!" she greeted. "I'm hungry, mommy!"

"Right," I pulled myself up while looking around. It was almost the crack of dawn when exhaustion finally defeated me. Ares never came back after he left. He probably spent the rest of the night in his office or...

I don't know. I sighed and tried to focus on my daughter instead.

"What do you want to eat? I'm going to cook for you," I asked enthusiastically.

"Uhm, I want fluffy pancakes with lots of syrup!" she squealed, her eyes twinkling with delight as she seemed to imagine the treat. 

"And strawberries! Blueberries, too!" she added excitedly, which made me chuckle. She grabbed my hands and pulled them.

"Okay, pancakes it is, then," I kissed her on the cheek before going to the ensuite to wash up first.

After that, we went downstairs together. The whole house was quiet except for Mira's endless babbling. I took a glimpse around, hoping to see Ares, but he was still nowhere in sight. I sighed inwardly, trying to ignore the dull pain in my chest.

We headed to the kitchen. I sat Mira on the countertop. I kissed her forehead before grabbing the apron. I open the cupboards to look for a pancake mix, but it seems like we have already run out of it. I have to make it from scratch, then.

I prepared the ingredients while thinking where Ares could be. Is there something he needed to attend to so early in the morning? It's not impossible to think the ranch is up and going pretty much twenty-four seven.

There's so much to do, even though we have a lot of workers. I knew that since I used to manage the whole ranch by myself, even before Abuelo died.

"Mommy, I want to help!" Mira whined, pulling me out of the trance I was in. I tilted my head to brush away the memories.

"You want to help?" I gently asked while looking at her cute face. I then glanced back at the ingredients on the counter, quietly contemplating whether I should give in to her request.

"Please, mommy?" she pressed her palms together while looking up at me with those big doe eyes she got from her father. They have the same amber eyes, only that my little one looks at me with such adoration, while his father's were filled with contempt.

"Fine," I sighed defeatedly, knowing too well it would take so much longer not to add the mess we would create if I let her "help". I winced at the thought of cleaning afterwards, but how can I say no to this little angel?

"Yay!" she clapped in excitement. I chuckled. Everything is worth it for her.

"First, we need flour," I patiently explained as I guided her hand to hold the measuring cup.

"We're going to need three cups," I told her, spooning the flour into it.

Her lips pursed as she balanced the cup with her tiny hand. I held her wrist to stabilize her.

"One," she chirped while pouring flour into the bowl. "Two..."

"Three!" she screeched.

We were doing fine until the second cup, but the third missed the bowl, causing the flour to spill all over the counter and on the floor. I winced.

"Oh no!" she gasped. "Sorry, mommy!" she quickly gushed.

"It's okay, amor," I smiled to ease her guilt. "Let's just get another one, okay?"

She chewed on her bottom lip, then meekly nodded. We continued making the batter, spilling the ingredients here and there, but I just let it. I will clean up after we're finished. For now, I will enjoy her soft giggles that sound like music to my ears.

"Is it done?" she innocently asked while trying hard to move the whisk into the thick batter.

"Almost," I smiled. "Let me," I said, taking the whisk from her hands to finish it up.

Then I picked her up and let her sit in the high chair so she could watch me cook the pancakes.

"Can't I help?" she muttered while watching me.

"I'm sorry, Mira. You might get burnt," I tried to explain. "You can watch me now. Maybe I will let you try next time."

"Okay," she agreed despite the disappointed pout on her lips. I had to stop myself from chuckling. She looks so cute, no matter what expression she has on her face.

"What the hell happened here?!"

I almost jumped when Ares' voice roared inside the kitchen. I immediately panicked when I saw him staring at the mess we'd made. I can't seem to find my tongue. I don't want to argue with him in front of Mira.

"Daddy!" our daughter squealed, not minding his murderous glare on the floor dusted with flour.

His scrunched-up forehead instantly straightened up upon hearing Mira. Relief washed over me when he looked at her. He must not have noticed her sitting in the high chair behind me.

"Mija, why are you here?" he gently asked our daughter before glaring at me.

I gulped. Only our daughter would be spared from his wrath.

"I'm hungry!" she said. "I wanna help mommy cook!"

"Mira, you're still too little to be of help," he sighed before picking her up.

He brushed her cheeks with his fingers to remove the flour on her face. Then he gently pressed his lips to her forehead while carrying her in his arms. I couldn't help but watch them in awe. 

"Why don't we leave your mother to it so you can already eat?" he asked.

My heart swelled with happiness. I know he can never love me, but watching how he doted on our daughter was more than enough. 

Moments like these are what keep me going despite all the pain and hardship I have been going through over the past years. Moments like this keep feeding the illusions inside my head. In times like these, I could pretend we are a happy family, no matter how short-lived they are.

"Camilla!" his low growl woke me up from my musings.

See? He couldn't even let me be happy with my own thoughts. 

I looked up at him, wondering why he had suddenly gotten mad again, but the burning scent quickly answered my question.

"Oh, gosh!" I gasped as I quickly turned off the heat. My nose wrinkled at the burnt toast smell that filled the air.

"Mommy! It's burning!" Mira pointed out the obvious.

"Are you trying to burn the house down?!" Ares snapped.

Isn't that a little exaggerated? I grimaced at the thought, but quickly pushed it aside.

"I'm sorry," I muttered while tossing the burnt pancake into the trash.

"Daddy, Mommy didn't mean it," Mira came to my rescue.

He took a deep breath after scowling at me. Perhaps, to calm himself down. He didn't want to show his bad side to our daughter. He never did. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not, but I appreciate it.

I know it's not right to feed my illusions to my daughter as well, but what else can I do? If this charade will make her happy, then  I am willing to play right into it. I am willing to be miserable if it means she will grow up thinking she has a happy family, something I didn't get to experience. Something that I longed for when I was a child.

"You can wait outside, mi amor," I told her when Ares didn't say anything. "Don't worry, it will be quick. I'll call you once it's done."

"Okay, mommy," Mira obediently nodded.

Ares carried her without a word, but not before sparing me another piercing gaze. I know I will pay for this later, but who cares? I shrugged.

I'm already used to it.