The Hurtful Truth

                                                       Chapter 2

     I need to hire a taxi cab to go to the company. I am a fan of long walks, but this is not the right time for it. I am late for my shift, and I do not want my big boss to yell at me. But being in the waiting line is so troublesome. The traffic in Manila is the worst, and you can smell the vehicles’ smoke even if you cover your nose with a handkerchief. It is of no big help. An asthmatic person won’t survive this jungle without vines.

     Hiraya pulled out her old dirty handkerchief from her old Louis Vuitton bag her aunt from abroad gave her many years ago and wiped her sweat roughly, and put it back to cover her nose that is full of acne.

     Disgusting as it may look, well, whatever. I don’t have tissues with me. It is a big waste of money. Tissues and handkerchiefs both do the same task.

     She is not bratty and nit-picky when it comes to these kinds of things; she does not have the right to be like that. The monthly salary of her mother explains why. But she is a very avid fan of books; she choose books before buying them very wisely. For her, knowledge is more important than clothes, perfume, or makeup; it makes a human turn into a real human.

     Taking a bath everyday is enough, and it is an act of goodwill. Body odour can kill. Let yourself live, and let others live. 

     I think of myself as an old soul. 

     Hiraya has a financial motto since her younger days: if you can still use it, you do not have to change it. That shows in her behaviour; she’s got no money to buy women’s necessities like tissues, handkerchief, cosmetics, perfumes, and chic dresses. She only passes by women’s salons, but has not tried to enter it, even once. She is not used to pampering herself because the only thing that is important for her and her mother is to eat three times a day; her mother is a Filipino language teacher and her father left them when she was young for some other pathetic woman who lives in the next city. She cannot afford to spend her mother’s money for these kinds of things, so eventually, she got used to being a simple woman. Even if those misfortunes happened, she still stayed as a kind and adorable person. She did not change even a single bit. Her smiles never left her face.

     I need to wipe my sweat carefully, or else, my makeup will be ruined. Yeah, it is already smudged, but I think I can do some retouches in the office. I don’t mind what the people say and comment in my appearance, I don’t know them after all.

     Her hands do not have a tender loving touch, she is used to part-time jobs that needs strength, like lifting heavy things, and she did not realize that she wiped her face roughly that made her makeup ruined; but not that much. It still looks decent from a non-beauty expert point of view.

     She continued to wipe her face hastily, not like the people who do it carefully to not damage their skin. Her nose feels itchy, and she can sense something dangling from her nose. She gets her phone and used it as a mirror. There is a booger outside her nose. She used the handkerchief, then folded it again to use the part without the booger to wipe her remaining sweat in her neck. Her stomach growled.

     I forgot to eat. It’s already 9:00 am. Maybe the crackers I got for free in the promotional event three days ago will do. Crackers won't spoil.

      She picked the crackers from her bag and took a single bite. Her expression cringed.

      This tastes too bad. But there is nothing bad to a hungry person. I am hungry. This should not be turned to waste. It is not good to throw away food.

      Hiraya tolerated the bland taste of the crackers, and chew each bite quickly. She almost choked by doing so.

            I turned my eyes everywhere to find if my hired taxi cab is near me or what, but I saw something appalling. I almost puked.

          Tall, bald, brown skin, round eyes, tattoos, muscular body with noticeable biceps. The man I am dating is here, but not with me.  The only man I have dated since college. A man who came from prison. A man who I have given the chance to be with me, even with his worst background. Other people are afraid of him, but I am not. I really love him.

         Her lover is first in the waiting line for the taxi cab. With. Some. Other. Woman. They are holding each other's hands, doing some public display of affection and making other people around them uncomfortable. 

            My man is smiling brightly while talking to her, his eyes sparkling. He never did smile like that when he is with me. Jerk.

            The woman is hot. Light brown complexion, long, shiny, brown hair, voluptuous figure, round eyes, double eyelids, soft lips, beautiful face without ugly marks. She has the physical characteristics that I do not have. I envy her.

            How could a perfect human exist like her? Did she do a good deed in the past to look like that? She is like a goddess walking the earth.

            I have a fair skin, near to becoming pale, dry hair, super thin figure with no curves, chinky eyes, single eyelids, parched, peeling lips. There are thick, dark bags under my eyes, as I am always doing overtime. I am a perfectionist employee, so I am always stressed, and I do not take my work for granted. I grew acne for a long time. But because of my perseverance, I have been praised by my boss numerous times and foreign clients’ critique of my work are wonderful; I have been never criticized badly. I am really meticulous in everything I do.

            My long-existing motto is: Do everything with the best of your ability. Keep yourself in good shape. Surely, you will be rewarded sooner or later.

            I only did my best, but I did not keep myself in good shape. This is my fault. It is all my fault for my appearance worsened throughout the years. He fell out of love for me because I look like an old hag walking in an office suit carrying a suitcase and old Louis Vuitton bag bought from surplus stores.

            I thought my man understand why I look like this. When I accepted him as my boyfriend, he looked so happy; he looked like the happiest man in the world. He jumped out of joy when I agreed to be his girlfriend. His eyes looked sincere back then, so I did not doubt him even a single bit. I should not have been complacent. All men in the world have the same inner desires, same instincts. Once shown a whore in front of them, they lose their insanity and forgot their morals. He totally fooled me. This almost perfect relationship is a deceitful one, we never had fights that last for a long time. We solve it fast, and it is always him who do the apologies. I never did apologize first in words, I just show it in my actions, like cooking all of his favourite dishes, doing his laundry before he comes home in his apartment (I know his password), shopping his groceries, and cleaning the mess in his apartment. After that, everything comes back to normal.

            My way of thinking said that we are different from other couples. He is one of a kind, not like other jerks. I am dumb.

            He wooed me for a long time, and I did that to test his loyalty and patience. Now, it is just proven that the long wooing time is not an assurance that your relationship will last for a long time. If a person cheats, he will cheat. If he is an actor, I will gladly give him a Oscar award and punch him after.

            Her bitter memories of primary school came back.

I am ugly, as my schoolmates have said. I think they are right. They are just being real to my face, not like someone I know. Maybe I should have let my face undergo that plastic surgery. My pale skin can be toned if I stay basking in the sun. That female doctor coaxed me into not doing the surgery; if not, I can win the contest of appearance against this damn bitch. The promo is a once in a lifetime chance to change my life that I threw in the bin. I am the worst decision maker in this world.

            "You are pretty, even without makeup on. Don’t bother painting your face with those costly cosmetics, it won’t suit you. Your simplicity makes you beautiful. Don’t worry, I won’t love some other woman. Even if she is a celebrity, I won’t get swayed. You will be my only love, forever, even in the next life. I will die when you will leave me."

            Liar. I should not have given you my love.

Such a sweet talker. Maybe because he studied communications after having parole. You are good in your craft. Bravo. You should have been nominated for Oscars.

            From now on, I will disappear from your sight, you jerk. Let us see if you will really die. I will kill you with my own hands if you won’t. I wish you will get impotent for doing this to me. Having babies that will eventually grow up like you will not be good for the human race.

            What was that cliché line again? I always hear it from people nowadays.

            They are correct. Ignorance is bliss.

            I think this line was invented by a person who got hurt when he knew something that cannot be knew if you are not smart. I wish I am not smart.

            Nope, I should not wish for that. My career is at its peak now. Maybe later, if I already got so much money that I can burn. When I become dumb, I can stop overthinking things. This surely will improve my body and my face. No stress, no acne, no insomnia, no problem.

            I should have just taken the bus, even if the waiting line there is longer than the cab.

            Hiraya gazed at them, expressionlessly.

            The woman stared at her for a second, then looked away.

            The man you are with is my boyfriend, you whore.

            They rode the cab and kissed passionately inside. They have no care of the world. People are cringing and whispering to each other, including the taxi driver.

            You are really meant for each other. Snakes that are in human form.

            Promiscuous snakes.

            The traffic light blasted. The glass shatters are on the road. People panicked and some are injured. The ambulance came to assist the wounded.

            Short circuit. Including my brain. With what I have seen a while ago. I think I am going to explode. I want to lose myself.