The market is crowded, the air thick with the scent of fresh fabric and spices. My mother-in-law holds up a tiny blue onesie, her face glowing with certainty. "This one," she declares, as if it’s already decided. "But we don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl yet," I say, shifting Farah on my hip. "It’s too soon." She waves me off, her fingers tracing the stitching. "It’s a boy. I know it." "How?" I ask, baffled. "Farah’s hair swirls in the middle of her head," she explains, as if revealing ancient wisdom. "That means her next sibling is a boy. It’s science." I blink. "That’s not science." She ignores me, already moving to another stall, leaving me standing there with a pile of blue clothes I’m not even sure we’ll need. Hours later, my feet ache, my arms heavy from carrying bags, and Farah, who refuses to stay still. I collapse into a chair in the food court, setting her down beside me. She wiggles, impatient, while I pull out my phone, desperate for a moment of quiet.
The phone rang late in the evening, just as I was settling into bed, exhausted from another long day of adjusting to life in Amman. When I saw Tala’s name flash across the screen, my heart leaped. It had been weeks since we last spoke, and I missed her voice more than I realized. “Dema?” Her familiar tone washed over me, warm and comforting, like the first sip of tea on a cold morning. “Tala!” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. “I’ve been thinking about you, I missed you so much.” And just like that, we fell back into our old rhythm, talking as if no time had passed at all. The hours slipped away unnoticed as I told her everything that had happened since I arrived in Amman. The fresh feelings of the first few days, the way the city felt both overwhelming and exciting, the small victories of finding my way around, and the kindness of strangers who had helped us settle in. Then, before I could stop myself, the words tumbled out. “Tala… I’m pregnant.” There was a brief
The voices of the neighborhood women buzzed around me like persistent flies, their words ringing in my ears until I couldn’t take it anymore. "Dema, you must drink this herbal tea every morning, it strengthens the baby!" "No, no, my dear, you need to rest more. Too much walking will make the baby come early!" "In my day, we ate dates and honey. Look how strong my children turned out!" I forced a smile, nodding along, but inside, I was suffocating. Their endless advice, their knowing glances, the way they patted my belly as if it were public property, it was too much. Even Farah, my sweet baby had started mimicking them, pressing her tiny hands against my stomach and whispering, "Hello, baby!" like the aunties did. That afternoon, I couldn’t take another second of it. "Farah, let’s go to the park," I announced, grabbing her little sandals before she could protest. She jumped up immediately, her dark curls bouncing. "Yay! Swing!" I didn’t even bother changing her clothes
The mall was too bright, too loud. The lights buzzed overhead, and the chatter of shoppers mixed with the tinny music playing through the speakers made things worse. I pushed the cart slowly through the children’s section, my fingers brushing over tiny dresses and miniature shoes. Farah had been glued to the TV all morning, refusing to even put on her shoes until I promised her a new toy if she behaved. Just get through this, I told myself. Pick out the essentials and go.But my head had been throbbing since breakfast, and the smell of the food court greasy fries and overpowering perfume was making my stomach turn. I grabbed a pair of pajamas for Farah, my hands unsteady, then moved toward the toy aisle. That’s when the dizziness hit. A cold sweat prickled at my temples. My vision blurred for a second, and I gripped the cart handle hard, knuckles whitening. "Breathe, just breathe." I told myself.Farah was too busy staring at a display of stuffed animals to notice. "Mama, can I ge
The phone's ring shattered the fragile silence of our house at 3:17 AM. My body knew before my mind did - that particular hour belonged only to one person now. I looked at Farah's sleeping face, her tiny fingers still clutching the stuffed rabbit. The one she refused to sleep without since he left.I caught the phone on the third ring, my bare feet hitting the cold tile floor as I scrambled to answer before it woke Farah. The balcony door stuck when I tried to slide it open, another quirk of this old apartment that Rami would have fixed immediately. The metallic screech made me wince as I finally escaped into the night air."Dema?" His voice came through clearer than it had in weeks, the static of our usual poor connections noticeably absent. He sounded... different. More rested. Like Germany had already begun erasing the exhaustion lines that Dubai had carved into his voice."I'm here," I whispered, curling my toes against the wrought-iron railing. The chill of early autumn in Amman
The taxi ride home was too quiet. Farah sat stiff in my lap, her small hands clutching that stuffed rabbit Rami had won for her at the amusement park last week. "Baba's plane is in the sky now?" Farah asked for the seventh time, her voice wobbling. I smoothed her hair, still smelling like Rami's cologne from where he'd nuzzled her goodbye. "Yes, habibti. Very high up." She kicked her sandals off violently. "I hate planes." The house felt different when we stepped inside, larger and hollow, like the walls had expanded in the hour we'd been gone. Farah tore through the rooms, checking under beds and behind curtains as if Rami might be playing some cruel game of hide-and-seek. "Baba!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. I caught her as she crumpled, her tiny body shaking with sobs that seemed too big for her bones. My mother-in-law disappeared into the kitchen, to get something for farah maybe a little snack, I wasn't sure. "Shhh, look," I whispered, fishing my phone from my