She Was Never a Stand-In

[Alice's POV]

My husband David came home from a month’s business trip, eager to make love to me.

But the moment he withdrew from my body, my body felt empty.

David rolled out of bed without hesitation, and turned his muscular back to me in a cold manner under the dim wall lamp.

I curled up between the silk sheets. We’d been married for five years, and every time we had sex, he made me scream.

My attraction to him wasn’t just physical though; it was also psychological.

I met David at summer camp nineteen years ago, and I’ve loved him ever since. Now, at twenty-nine years old, I felt lucky to be his wife.

My only lament was that we never had the chance to have a child.

He was always busy, filling his time with endless work. I chose to be an obedient wife though, and to support him in whatever ways I could.

I looked at him adoringly as he raked his hands through his hair. But the pleasure from the orgasm hadn’t even faded yet when I was suddenly gripped with a sharp pain in my head.  

It felt as though something had suddenly tightened in my head. The pain took my breath away as it spread out in all directions, pulling at my nerve endings, causing my vision to briefly blur.

“Ugh...” I pressed my temples tightly. “I don’t feel so well.”

David didn’t even pause. He just continued buttoned up his shirt, his back still turned to me.  

He was facing the full-length mirror, skillfully arranging his dark blue tie, his slender fingertips appearing particularly dignified in the reflection of the mirror.

He tilted his head, and there was no worry in his deep eyes. Instead, a hint of teasing that was almost mischievous appeared.

Sitting back down on the edge of the bed, he reached out and lifted my chin. The pad of his finger caressing my pale lips.

“Not satisfied yet? yet? Hmm?”His voice was magnetic and deep. He thought I wanted more sex. I shook my head and opened my mouth to tell him something was wrong, but the pain in my head was pulsing through my brain in sharp waves.

“I can’t now,” he said, his voice curt.  “I have a transnational signing meeting. Be good and stay home. Wait for me. When I come back tonight, I’l satisfy you.”

The edges of my vision began to blur. .

He didn’t look at me, not really. . If he had, he would definitely have noticed something wrong with me.

I could taste blood in my mouth.

“Please,” I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper. “Something’s wrong.” I swallowed.

“My head hurts.”

He finally frowned.

It wasn’t worry on his face, but discomfort at being interrupted.

“Alice.”

The way he said my name was always restrained, with a certain unquestionable patience. “Enough of this.. You’re just seeking attention. You know I don’t like this. It’s childish.”

He thought I was being coquettish. But I wasn’t. The pain in my head was making me feel sick to my stomach . I needed help. “Please,” I tried again. “Something’s wrong. Don’t leave me like this.”

He took a gold credit card from his wallet and casually threw it on the bedside table.

“What do you want? Sotheby’s diamonds? That Hermes you were drooling over at last week? Go ahead and buy it.”?”

He came back and gave me a brief kiss on the forehead.

“I know it’s our wedding anniversary tonight. Treat yourself. I’ll be home early.” And without another word, he strode out of the room as I clutched the silk sheets in pain.

*****

“Congratulations, you’re eight weeks pregnant.”

It was later that afternoon and I was at St. Mary’s hospital.

Dr. Kate delivered the news, but there was no joy in her voice. Instead, her tone was tempered with an alarming gravity.

Pregnant?

My hand immediately went to my belly, which had yet to swell. I was ecstatic. But my initial ecstasy was short-lived as Dr. Kate handed me a black-and-white CT image.  

We found this when we performed a full-body health check on you.” She pointed to a tiny shadow on the CT image. “I’m so sorry Alice. It’s a brain tumor.”I felt the floor fall out from under me.

“A brain tumor?” I said, my mouth dry. “Are you saying I’m going to…die?”My voice was shaky.  

“There’s no sign of cancer yet. But the tumor is pressing on your central nerves.”Dr. Kate sighed.

“Unfortunately, it looks like the disease is developing much faster than we expected. If it continues to grow, it will start to affect your memory.” .””

“I don’t understand,” I said. I was struggling to process her shocking words.

“It’s a rare brain disease,” she explained. “Over the next three months, there will be a  noticeable deterioration..” Her expression became extremely serious. “You’ll start to have memory problems. Possibly even memory loss. You may experience a blurred sense of time. Severe mood swings. As the memory loss intensifies, you’ll gradually start forgetting even the people closest to you.”

Memory loss?

Did she mean…I was going to forget the man I loved for ten years? The news caused my breath to hitch in my throat. My chest felt tight. I’d been married to David for five years. I was pregnant with our first child, the child I’d so desperately longed for.

But I had a rare brain disease. According to Dr. Kate, it was going to make me forget all the people I loved.

Including David.

Including my baby.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

My child was going to have to grow up without it’s mother?