[5] FATE AND DOUBTS

      All know is when his lips intertwined with mine, I never wanted to let go.

**************

      "This is wrong" I whispered as we broke the kiss.  A tear slipped down my eyes as I looked away, guilt hit me like a pile of rocks.

   

   "I-I just killed someone!" I yelled exasperated and frustrated. I shouldn't be doing this —what sort of person was I becoming?

  "It was self-defense," Cole assured.

       "What do you know?" I shot at him "I...I never wanted this, and now...” I trailed off looking away from both him and the water below.

          “I think I should have stayed in Lagos if I had never left, he-he—” I tried to speak but was cut short.

           "He would have still abused you. You would be at his mercy! If you had stayed in London, that body bag would have been for you! Are, I know it's hard and it's difficult, but you can get through this, we can get through this" He reassured once again, his blue eyes emitting nothing but kindness. I would have corrected him and laughed at his mistake but the question was, was I ready for this? No. I was not.

          "There is no we! whatever happened a few minutes ago, was on impulse, we just got carried away by the mo-"He shushed me, his finger on my lips.

      "Look, I know this isn't the best time or the best moment, but Ara, look into my eyes and tell me — tell me you didn't feel a thing, tell me you didn't want to as much as I did"

I frowned and looked into his eyes.

       "Are you gonna drive? I need to go and  see Bola" I said and started walking towards the car, completely ignoring the question.

*******************************

          "I will never forgive you!" I whined as I sat down beside Bola. Her chuckles filled the room and for once, and I joined.

What can I say? Her laughter was contagious. And for the first time in five years, I didn't feel like I was problematic or dramatic, I didn't feel like I was drowned in an ocean of criticism, I felt light and free as if her laughter had won the war in my heart.

    "See? coming to London was worth it" she commented.

   I frowned. "but Dayo-"

  "Look, you need to stop thinking about Dayo.  Remember, he wanted to kill you"

     "No, he-"

      "Look," she said pointing in Cole's direction

     

    "Out there, is your dream guy! From what you just told me, he was interested in you from day one, How did that even happen?”

     “After the interview, I had an altercation with someone a few blocks away, He came down from his shiny, black jeep to settle the quarrel and gave me a lift home,” I said with a shrug.

      “And after?” She urged. Such a gossiper.

“What do you mean "and after"? and after I found myself beside a dead body that I had killed”

“In self-defense” Bola corrected as she placed her frail hand on mine, giving me the exact dose of comfort I needed.

Bola frowned as she sat up on the bed, I was about to object before she spoke. "I know, it's hard, all of this, it's all so new to you, but Dayo made his decision. You need to make yours too."

"So tell me, what's more, important Aramide? Hanging unto your past, or enjoying a present that promises a great future?" 

Oh, the future would be everything but great...

******* 

"Is she okay?" Cole asked as I stepped out of the room.

what was he still doing here?

"Yeah, she's doing better. The doctor said she should be able to go home tomorrow.” I finished. 

“Aramide, I know this might be hard to believe but—”

“People don't just fall in love overnight, you know that right? Cole, Between you and me, there can be nothing. If society does not stop us because of our background, Racism will and if racism does not, my fear will” I said as I proceeded to pick up my purse and leave, but he held me back

“One chance, just one chance, that's what I'm asking for"

“I'm sorry, But I've exhausted all the chances to give people” I responded and   walked away. Then again, after rejecting one fate, I was walking right into another one. one that would hurt a  lot more than I could ever imagine

"Ma'am, someone out there wants to see you," A nurse said and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Aramide Adegoke right?" She asked.

"that's me" I confirmed

"At the entrance of the hospital," the person simply said before I could ask about anything else.

"This is odd,” I whispered. I looked back at Cole who was just a few feet away from me, staring at me with longing in his eyes. That night, I made my choice and proceeded into my worst Nightmare. Walking out of that hospital and taking that leap of faith, would ruin everything. Yes, that was the point my stay in London went wrong.

      I looked around, the streets of London were moist, maybe dew? or it probably drizzled. who cares anyway?

       “Anyone there?” I called out as I looked around, taking two steps outside the sidewalk.

        There was no one there. I raised an eyebrow at the ridiculousness of the situation. Was I being pranked? But before the danger bells in my head could start ringing, my phone began to buzz.

         My phone rang loudly and I cringed as I pulled it out of my pocket.

   Private number?

        I looked around once again Feeling anxious. Then my eyes traced the phone once again. Every inch of me screamed that something was wrong. That something was off. But my limbs decided to go against my mind and I hit receive.

      I was so engrossed in my predicament that I hadn't realized I was almost off the sidewalk. My breath quickened at the silence from the other end and before I could end the call, a deep voice spoke

      "I've got you"

    The last thing I could remember seeing was the black car that sped into me and the bracelet on the wrist of my attacker.