Chapter 4

PRESENT

The smell of chlorine made me nauseous. Hell, even the smell of my lily-scented shampoo made me nauseous. I took a deep breath and continued to room number 12— the Gynecology Department.

Finding out that I was pregnant was a huge shock but I still held the hope that I might be wrong. I wouldn't draw any conclusions until the doctor confirmed it.

I passed the hallway, took the left turn, and noticed the label from a distance. ROOM 12.

There were two women already waiting for their turns. I was glad there were only two before my turn, or else usually the numbers were more. The woman with dark curls stood in front of the room, holding a file in her hand with her arms crossed before her chest. The other one with a healthy baby bump sat on the metal seat.

I took a seat beside her, returning a small smile when she smiled at me. The lady curiously looked at me which made me a bit conscious.

“Hi!” she chirped, her cheeks having a faint shade of pink. She was practically glowing.

“Hello.”

“Which month?” she questioned, her palms resting over her belly.

I wasn't even sure I was pregnant. “I am here for the confirmation checkup,” I said with an awkward smile. Her brows rose and she nodded, understanding.

“Which month are you on?” I asked, glancing at her baby bump.

“I'm seven months pregnant” she replied, having the proudest smile on her face. Seeing the glow on her face made me feel torn. She was truly happy with being pregnant and why wouldn't she be? She must have a good family, a loving husband— the silver ring on her left ring finger hinted to me enough.

“Your boyfriend didn't come with you?” she asked randomly and I tensed. The mention of my boyfriend made me easily tense. I didn't feel like answering her but I shook my head anyway.

“Why? Is he busy?” she asked, more like pried. That was none of her business.

“Where is your husband? He didn't come with you?” I implored, ignoring her question.

“He went to the nearby store to bring me vanilla ice cream,” she said in her even tone.

The woman with dark curls went in when the couple who were inside came out. The couple appeared delighted as they passed by.

“You know, I got pregnant with Anya when I was only eighteen” the woman beside me spoke, taking me by surprise. “My boyfriend broke up with me when he found the news. My parents kicked me out because they were ashamed of me. Life got hard. I decided to have an abortion and cut this ugly thing once and for all” she paused, her warm eyes gazing at her belly. “But I changed my mind. Something inside me called, I think it was Anya itself” she chuckled, “she spoke to me and I couldn't bear to let go of her. I thought I was making a huge mistake, but it turned out to be the best.”

She brought her attention back to me and I reached to squeeze her palm gently. I was unaware of the hardships she went through and at a few points, she and I have similarities.

Her story made me unsure. I had decided before coming to the hospital that if I am pregnant, I would undergo an abortion. Now, I wasn't sure anymore.

“So if you're unsure or are unable to decide, listen to your heart. It always has the answer to your unrequited question” she added, indirectly telling me that I should think about my decision again.

“You are quite a chatter” I commented as a joke and she laughed.

A few minutes later, the woman with dark curls stepped out and it was the brunette's turn to go. Before entering, she glimpsed at the hall, as if expecting someone. She went in eventually by herself, her crocs making a squeaky sound.

_

“You will get a call to collect your results tomorrow morning” Dr. Emily Geller informed me. “Make sure to eat these supplements. You will feel nauseous often, so take them after you have your food” she jotted down the names of supplements on the notepad, and tearing it from the body, she gave it to me.

I was still in the hospital gown. Dr. Emily had conducted two tests— one was urine and the other one was a blood test. The urine test, which I had already done twice at home, gave the results as positive. The same results thrice weren't a mistake. Now, I was sure I was pregnant. Even the doctor said she was eighty-nine percent sure. Once, the blood reports arrived by tomorrow, the remaining doubt would be settled.

“What about abortion procedure?” I inquired, after much hesitancy. Dr. Emily looked up through her big octagonal glasses and stopped writing.

“Well, once we are sure that you are pregnant, we can talk about that as well. Abortion can be done safely within twelve weeks of pregnancy. Going above that will be risky.”

“Can it be done within this week because there is a high chance that I am pregnant” I let out, more like blabbered, my fingers entwined with each other as they rest on my lap.

“Sure, it can. You will have to make an appointment and the rest will be done here.”

I nodded, looking down at my knotted fingers. It was probably the safest way and also the most reasonable one. There was no way I could take care of a baby. Hell, I could hardly manage to take care of myself.

Later, I changed into my clothes and left the hospital. The trip to the hospital made me exhausted and I didn't have the energy to attend the rest of the classes. I propped on my single bed and groaned as my limbs ached. My stomach growled but the work to get up and jog to the nearby café made me tired.

At that moment, my phone rang. I glimpsed at the screen before receiving the call. “Hey,” I said lazily.

“Hey! You don't have any plans in the evening, yeah?” Amelia asked, her cheery voice could make a sad person brighten up but it didn't work for me. I was deep in cold water.

“Not that I can think of. Why?”

“I got free tickets to the Aphrodite Show!” she squealed, almost making my ears go deaf. “We have been wanting to see it for so long, Luna! We are finally going to see it.”

If I wasn't muddled in this pregnancy intricacy, I would have been as excited as her, but I wasn't. With a heavy heart, I said, “Sorry, Ame. I can't make it tonight. I don't feel well.”

“Woah, what happened? Are you sick?”

“Something like that… ” I muttered, unable to let the cat out of the bag. Amelia doesn't know about my pregnancy. I haven't told anyone.

“Luna, don't fuck with me. I can tell there is something else you aren't telling me.” My best friend knew me oh so well.

“I just don't feel like going okay? I'm sorry for ruining your plans. ”

“No, no. You are coming, you get that! If you don't, I will barge into your dorm and get your ass out from there.”

I let out a small chuckle, rolling over to my side. “Ame... ” I paused, afraid to say it. I wasn't sure what made me unsure to tell my best friend about my pregnancy, but right now I didn't feel right to tell her. “You are such a pain in the ass” I teased.

“That's right! So be ready at seven. I'll come to pick you up.”

I rolled my eyes. “Geez. Fine. ”

“That's my girl” she acclaimed, sounding pleased. “Alright, I gotta go. See you!”

“Yeah, see you.”

I tossed my phone aside and rested my arm over my eyes. Maybe I would feel better being in her company. As I closed my eyes, the words of that lady meandered in my head.

“If you are unable to make a choice or a decision, listen to your heart. It always has the answer to your unrequited question.”

The answer. Does my heart already have the answer that I wanted? Does it?