LOGINThe night before I was supposed to leave for my study trip to Bath, my boyfriend Ethan suddenly tagged me in our three-person group chat. "Nora, check your train ticket. There's a surprise." I opened the railway booking app. The ticket from London to Bath had turned gray. The page read clearly: Trip cancelled. Refund issued to the original payment method. The cancellation had been made yesterday afternoon. Before I could even type a reply, messages started flooding the chat one after another. My best friend Sophie sent a string of laughing emojis first. "Ethan, you lost again. You're covering all the coffee this month! I told you she wouldn't notice even the day before." Ethan replied quickly, "Fine, you win. Nora, you're so oblivious. Hurry up and buy an open ticket without a reserved seat. Sophie and I will take turns giving you ours once we're on the train." They chatted away enthusiastically, the screen filled with emojis celebrating their winning bet. Just like the camping trip, when they'd bet on whether I would cry over beetles and deliberately broke my tent zipper. Or the time before that, when they'd bet on how long it would take me to start wheezing after accidentally eating peanuts, and hid my EpiPen in the highest kitchen cabinet. Every time I told them with red-rimmed eyes that I really did mind, their answer was always the same. "What's the big deal?It was just a joke." I stared at the group chat for a long time. In the end, I said nothing. I left the three-person group and bought a plane ticket to Inverness for the next day. I wanted to see the lakes of the Scottish Highlands in winter, to see just how blue the sky could be when the wind swept across the moors. On my own, done with toxic people for good, the scenery might be just right.
View MoreAfter wrapping up everything in London, I said goodbye to that apartment for the last time, and to the version of my life where I had mistaken endurance for the only way to hold onto love.When I returned to the Highlands, it was already deep winter.The lake had frozen over completely, like an enormous sheet of blue glass lying still between the mountains. In the distance, snow-covered peaks refracted blinding light under the sun. The wind blew in from the far edge of the moor, carrying a clean, sharp cold.I set up my tripod, adjusted the aperture, and prepared to photograph the play of light within the ice as the sun set.Gabriel stood two steps away, blocking part of the wind coming at me head-on. He remembered I got cold easily and had slipped two heat packs into my coat pockets beforehand. He also remembered I didn't like being touched without warning, so every time he came closer, he would call my name first."Nora, are you cold?"I reached into my pockets, felt the steady warmt
The celebration dinner after the opening was relaxed.Project members and the curator sat around a long table, discussing the next shooting plans. Someone wanted to photograph the winter fishing ports on the northern coast. Someone else was planning to document the slowly disappearing Highland primary schools.A server brought out a plate of elaborate desserts topped with crushed roasted peanuts.Before I could even open my mouth, Gabriel had already reached over and moved the plate away from me. He called the server back, and after confirming the kitchen had prepared everything with the same set of utensils, he simply had them bring a sealed package of fruit and cheese instead.I blinked. "How did you know I can't have peanuts?"Gabriel cut a slice of apple, his tone casual. "Your residency health form listed a severe allergy. It also listed asthma. As the project director, I should remember."The words were light, yet they landed like a stone dropped into still water, sending out rip
The day the exhibition opened, Inverness was buried in heavy snow.I wore a white turtleneck sweater and a long dark skirt, standing before the main wall of the gallery. Twelve photographs from Before the Lake Turns Blue hung there. The centerpiece was a winter morning shot of the lake surface. The ice hadn't fully sealed the water yet, and deep blue seeped through the cracks, like a pair of eyes opening for the first time.Many visitors lingered before the photographs.Someone asked me why I hadn't put myself in any of the pictures. I said I had always been in them. The surface of the lake, wrinkled by the wind, that was me. The stone wall, standing again after being battered, that was me too.Gabriel handed me a cup of hot tea and said quietly, "You were wonderful today."This wasn't Ethan's brand of condescending reassurance. It wasn't a pretty line designed to stop me from being angry.Just a calm, equal acknowledgment.I cradled the teacup and smiled at him. "Thank you."Just then
Winter comes early to the Scottish Highlands.Over the next two weeks, I went with Gabriel to the lakeside, the moors, and remote villages to shoot. The wound on my arm was gradually scabbing over, and the thin cuts the glass had left on my face were beginning to fade. I still woke up sometimes at night, startled by the sound of a lock clicking. But every time I opened my eyes, I could see my own key right there on the nightstand.That key belonged only to me.Gabriel was someone with a keen sense of boundaries.Before setting up a tripod, he would always ask, "Does this spot feel safe to you?"When we had to walk on icy mountain paths, he would spread the route map out for me to see. "There's a steep stretch up ahead. Are you up for it? If you're not feeling well, we stop. It won't hold up the project."When he needed to adjust my position, he never reached out and touched me. He would just say from a distance, "Nora, may I move the reflector behind you?"Each question was small, yet












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