Confused. Study or money?

Chapter 4.

Confused. Study or money?

Adrian pov.

I left the lecture room, looking so nervous as I fiddled with my fingers, my heart was beating too fast as I walked towards the office of the new lecturer. If meeting up with him was not so important, then I would have been planning an escape route by now, and I wouldn't have been so nervous.

I was nervous about a lot of things and the dominant of all the things was that I feared what he would think of me after seeing my failures, he must hate me immediately and for the fact that he easily fished me out of the multitude of students meant something.

"Adrian!" I heard myself being called on and I halted. I turned back and saw Ryan running up to meet me.

"Ryan," I muttered in relief when he got to me, he crouched to the floor with his hands holding his knees as he tried to catch his breath. At least, there is someone that calmed me down a little. I told myself, then questioned him, "What are you doing here? You are supposed to be in class."

"One minute." He gasped, and I had no choice but to hold on to him til he was okay. "You are being unfair Adrian, you're planning on leaving me without saying goodbye. I only came to see if I was right after all, and it turned out I am." He whined, causing a loud chuckle to escape my lips. He was studying an entirely different course from mine.

"I cannot leave without you, just go back to your lecture, I promise I will wait for you. I just want to see my new literature lecturer, I must not fail again." I explained to him.

"I'm glad that the wicked lecturer is gone, I still can't believe that there will be a soul on earth that will hate you that much," Ryan said and I nodded, agreeing with him.

I know that Mr Sam failed me intentionally, as I was too brilliant for a course to be my problem. Well, that was always my thought, but I know I lied, the man was just born to be wicked.

Ryan returned to his lecture room and I continued my journey to the lecturer's office, asking around for the route as I walked.

I got to the office and stood by the door, I was at his door for close to one minute, as I tried to fix everything fixable on my dressing, my hair, and everywhere around my body, even my mind and senses. I was not fixing myself to get noticed by the lecturer, I was only fixing myself to make a nice first impression, I didn't want to be hated by the new lecturer, I had to graduate this year with a first class.

I finally knocked on his door, "Come in." A tired husky voice replied from inside, and I found it difficult to breathe. What if he will transfer his aggression on me? What if he will hate me immediately? What if I escape now and just accept failure? But the humiliation will be choking! I exhaled and inhaled repeatedly before I gently twisted the doorknob and entered with my eyes buried on the floor.

I refused to look up as I took three steps further into the office and shut the door behind me, "Y....you called for me Dr Raphael." I muttered more to myself than to the lecturer and I doubted if he heard me, I didn't dare to raise my head to check if he was listening.

The office fell into an uncomfortable silence, causing my nervousness to rise to its highest peak. I didn't know what else to say and Dr Raphael was not talking either, it was like he was thinking of where to start listing my offense.

I sighed in relief when he finally decided to speak, "I was checking the student's profiles and results that were left behind by your previous lecturer and I realized that you have been failing woefully, and that's why you're here." He told me.

I didn't know what to reply to him with, I was very embarrassed to find out that my nightmares were coming to reality, he had already found out about my failure and I wondered what he would be thinking of me, maybe a failure. I thought, my lips quivering bitterly and my throat burnt. "I... I... I......" I couldn't form out a word.

"Come and have your seat, we have a lot to discuss. I can't sit down here and watch one of my students failing." He said to me.

I felt my eyes forming out tears, and I quickly blinked and sniffed it back in. I gently began to find my way to the seat opposite the lecturer with my eyes still fixed on the floor and I could feel his eyes on me all my way over to him.

I gently sat my butt on the visitor seat that was opposite his table. "I'm sorry Dr Raphael I.....I have no idea of how I failed, but I'm ready to rectify my mistakes." I told him, stammering a little with my eyes now fixed on his desk and my throat still burning.

"I'm having my rules Miss Williams, and the one you're breaking now is fixing your eyes elsewhere when I speak with you. Look me in the eyes when you speak with me." Dr Raphael told me.

I quickly raised my head, as I was not ready to create any hatred for myself from the lecturer. I stared into his eyes and quickly stared away, it just didn't feel right to me. "I'm sorry Dr Raphael, I can't." I apologized. Staring into his eyes felt so disrespectful, he was my lecturer after all, though he didn't seem to mind, but I did.

Staring up at someone was not always a hard task for me to do, but my lecturer? No! None of them too had said before that their policy is for the students to look them in the eyes, well, I shouldn't be surprised when Dr Raphael said that even though I was, he just seemed different from the rest.

"Cough cough." He faked a cough probably to bring me out of my reverie.

I jolted out of my reverie, I was covered in embarrassment. I can't believe I zoomed out while speaking with a lecturer, I hate my life. I muttered to myself. "I'm so sorry Dr Raphael, I just.....just......" I muttered to him and kept quiet after, when my brain couldn't process anything and the embarrassment I was feeling was out of this world, and I began to shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"It's fine, I will just assume that you are not good with keeping eye contact." He told me, obviously trying to ease the burning tension between us, and my cheeks burned more.

He then told me why he had called me over. "I'm thinking of helping you boost your grade, but we will have to work together, I would like to start an after-class tutorial with you, well, that's if you don't mind."

I was confused. "Tutorial?" I questioned him.

"Yes, Miss Williams. As you know you are in your final year and the final exam is around the corner, it is for your good though, but it's fine if you disagree with the offer." He told me.

At that time I did not what to do. I know that he was trying to help me, and I wouldn't have been caught up so tight if I wasn't so busy with work, my mom and brother had to eat and there were also my school fees which I had to pay up before graduation. I was so confused. "I don't know what to answer you with right now Dr Raphael." I let him know.

"It's fine, you are free to think about it."

I left Dr Raphael's office without a solid conclusion, I had told him that I would think about it, even though I knew that there was nothing to think about, I might just die before my time.

I waited for Ryan at the parking lot, thinking it all through, and before Ryan came to me, I'd made up my mind.

"No qualms, we're doing this!"